Au pair not working out

yippeeee my DH has just phoned and even before we had to speak with her she told us she is going - but get this she wants to come to Centerparcs next week and then she will go when we get back - like hell!
She told him that we were a good family and not horrible but that she just did not want to be an AP because she did not like children. not just ours but any and she thought this experience might change her but she doesn't like the fact that they rely on her for help - she thinks that mothers should only have one child (i am preg with 3rd so she is lucky i wasn't there) and that the child should sit down and be quiet - NICE
thanks foe all the advice - never had one like this B4 - all others have helped out, chipped in etc. think she is just a little strange
anyone got an AP going?

English - if it helps. My horrible au pair decided on her own to leave, and arranged a flight for a Sunday without bothering to agree a suitable day with me. I told her she would have to be out of the house on Friday morning as we're away for the weekend. She freaked out. I have taken time off work to collect the children for the last few days so she will never be alone with them as I don't trust her at all. I doubt she'll run off with my possessions now as she wants cash and I'm not paying until she goes. Don't know of course though.

You should for sure tell her to go. You should also tell her that her behaviour is abominable and that is why you are making her leave. I agree with whoosh - buy her a plane ticket and tell her what time she should be out of the front door.

Well this may sound cruel but I wouldn't leave her in the house while you are away.Would let her do school run till Friday and in the meantime book (and pay for ) a flight home on the Friday evening or Saturday morning.

Englishspringer-she has to go.
I am a non-confrontational sort of person and I know hard it can be but youcan't have someone you don't like living in your house.

englishspringer-my AP is a little like yours in some respects. For example, she sent dd1 to school yesterday in her jeans because she 'couldn't find' her tights to go with her pinafore, even though I have shown her umpteen times where the tights are kept!

Also , with regards to food and eating, she comes down at dinnertime to eat with us, often a different meal to the rest of us as she is quite fussy but can't cook, and then just takes her own plate into the kitchen and disappears upstairs- she's never done the clearing away or washing up after a meal. I think it's selfish, but put it down to the fact that she's never lived away from home before so perhaps isn't used to doing things for herself/mucking in with family life.

I have explained to her on many occassions that although she finishes work at 1pm, she should still offer to do things around the house, as she is another adult living in it. It goes in one ear and out the other to be honest!

I put up with it though because she is a good-natured girl, is good with the children (although her and dd1 are both very stubborn in their characters so they are often falling out lol!), and her main role here is childcare. I've given up expecting her to chip in with other things!

YANBU - sit down with her now and tell her that it is over and that is a good example of why.

not Turkish french. Never had a problem with a french girl before.
So this morning she goes downstairs and gets her breakfast - i put all the stuff on the table the night before on a tray so everyone just has to get bowl, plate etc. DS1 is getting dressed, i am getting DS2 dressed. DS1 comes upstairs with NO school jumper. so the Ap is meant to set his clothes out for him in a pile so he can get himself dressed. i tell DS1 to ask AP where it is - her reply 'i am eating breakfast, i don't know' - i find it he goes downstairs comes up crying the AP won't help him get his bowl from under the others. so i go down and say can you please get his bowl for him (baring in mind it is next to her) so that he can have his breakfast. she scowls and then starts slamming bowls, knives etc. around like a petulent child.
AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
she has it so good - she does a max of 15 hrs per week - she only has to lay clothes out for DS1, iron his school clothes (i do the rest) and change his bed once per week - that is it! she is just so RUDE and just thinks that the house is like a hotel.
please tell me that her behaviour is not acceptable and that i am not being unreasonable

englishspringer - is yours Turkish? She sounds like one we had a few months back. She found herself another family, then 3 weeks later another family phoned for a ref! Her 3rd family in 3 months!

englishspringer If she is expecting to come on holiday with you next week and to be with you for weeks or months after that then you need to be fair to her and tell her that it's not working out and that you'd like her to leave. As for whether she'll take the children to school as normal or take the huff and refuse or run away taking your valuables with her or whatever, I don't know! My 1st (am on my 2nd) ap was not a good ap but I didn't ask her to find another family was because of the awkwardness of how to tell her and what to do in the meantime 'til she found another ap job. I just gritted my teeth until she went home though I can see that's just not possible for you. Can you ask another parent who has children at the school to do the school run for the rest of the week? Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

my concern is that we tell her why she is going and then we need her to run the kids to school this week. do we just tell her on Friday and then we are away next week so she has to be gone by then?
really don't know how to get rid of her but can't stand it a minute longer

your french au pair isn't called Sarah is she?

We had one like that and asked to her leave after a week as she was so miserable and clearly didn't enjoy being with the children.

Geisha.....there has been a change in our circumstances and we are no longer looking for an au pair. None of the children want another one and because i work mainly nights, my husband and i can cover the childcare between ourselves (hopefully!)

Gosh, is it fair to palm her miserable behind off onto another family?????!

we have decided that we are going to tell her that our circumstances have changed and that we don't need her anymore. going to help her find another family etc. i don't want to moan at her and then have her driving my kids to nursery/school etc. she is only alone with them for 1/2 hr but i just don't trust this girl.
thanks for all your advice.
Anyone want a French AP?

I agree that best to ask them to leave if you don't get on straight away. We tried to live with ours because we need an au pair but then she said she was leaving anyway. If I'd told her to leave straight away then I would not have had the horrible experience of living with her for two months.

the language school fees are a talking point that we will have to discuss this evening - it is D day!
i think that she could be depressed - i think she may be bullemic
i feel very guilty about asking her to go but honestly she is making me feel uncomfortable in my own home :-( she is just rude and does not seem to get hte role of an AP. she hasn't helped once literally comes in and goes to her room moaning it is cold and why cna't she have the heating on all day. it is not the first AP we have had and we have had no other problems like this before - the normal this is how we would like you to do it but nothing else.
anyway i have another AP lined up for 17th - going to try and find this one a family - maybe she just doesn't like 5 year olds!

Hi englishspringer, I find your aupair rather perplexing. Could she be depressed? What will happen to the English school fees if she has to go home. Can you help her or give her time to find another family?

Agree she needs to go.

seriously i think she just likes sitting in her room sulking - my husband calls her 'the victim' she is one of those people in life where everything is stacked against them. She even goes to language school in Cambridge - above The Cow just off market sq by Carluccios. she has 14 people in her class and they all go for drinks etc. after school on Tues & Thurs - we have 5 AP's living within 3 miles of us - i just don't get why a 24 year old would not want to go out and explore and make friends.
don't get me wrong she is a nice girl as i said before but i can just see us humouring her because we need an AP and then a few weeks down the line she goes home because she is soooooo lonely - that is all she goes on about - being lonely, cold in England and how we are all too soft on our kids.
definately going to ask her to leave tomorrow - will give her time to get organised and pay for flight home to France. She was meant to be coming away with us to Centerparcs on 13th Oct but definately don't want that.
best she goes before.
thatnks for advice

English, what nationality is your Au Pair? I live near Cambridge, about 20mins from Wendons Ambo and have been an Au Pair in France and Nanny in Ireland, 21 Years old could maybe try to get her out for you a bit! If you wanted any help with babysitting anytime (if she goes) just shout!

An easy way out would be to say you are changing your childcare arrangements and need someone more experienced to do more hours. If she balks just give the examples - it sounds like she could do with considerable supervision.

i know i am cross - she only has 15 hrs per week to do - she takes over at 7.30, takes DS2 to nursery and then DS2 to school. then has to be around when DH is bathing DS1 so that DS2 is not 'left out'. i just feel so guilty. she has paid for her language school but she is the first AP where we have just 'felt' that she is not right. I have the blinking baby listener on at night in case she decides to go in to the boys room - i know i am pregnant and probably a little paranoid but never done this before and never felt like this. i just don't get why you would come to England and not want to be with the girls i have introduced her to, why she doesn't want to do anything and expects me to run round like a blue arse fly after her
i have an evening to think about it not sure how to start conversation :-(

English
Based on the examples you've given, I would just tell her it's not working out. re the child in the car, I would have gone ballistic.

i do need a driver - i think i may have found someone else. the funny thing is she can be a nice girl but just won't make friends, i don't expect her to be chummy with us if she doesn't want to but she just lets me cook, comes downstairs eats it and then goes back up - no help at all. we have AP's for the last 6 years and they have always helped out - you know if i cook, you lay the table and hubby clears away.
Don't get me wrong she hasn't actually donw anything wrong (well except for leaving 18mth asleep in car while she took DS1 to school - bit NO NO in my book - very busy main road - school 5 min walk :-( )
she just doesn't fit in with our family - she doesn't particularly like children and thinks that five mins time out for a 5 yr old is not enough punishment. DS1 wouldn't brush his teeth the pther morning and she expected him to be smacked, put in his room and stopped from going to play at friends house.
How do i tell her we want her to go? because personally i would rather ask her and be able to find someone than her deiciding in a few weeks that she is really lonely and actually leave us in the poo!"

English - just like mine! Doesn't smile, talk, anything. Terrible. So glad she's off.