pros and cons of using an au pair?

'Babysitting on tap' - I don't think so. You can't expect the aupair to babysit whenever you feel like going out. These things generally have to be prearranged!

Also, have you thought about hiring a student from a local university or college. They are generally in need of a part time job. This way, you don't have to share your house

Oh just tell your dh that he has to help out with the schoolrun or do more housework if you don't have an aupair. Plus emphasise the babysitting on tap. The Sunday morning where the aupair takes the children out to the softplay ... is what does it for my dh.

He will come round .

overthemill, check our your local colleges. The ESOL courses might even be free or your aupair can reclaim the costs. Personally, if my aupair could not reclaim the costs, I would be happy to consider subsidising her language courses (IF she was good). If not, I would keep stum. On that basis, I don't offer to pay upfront. If your aupair is fresh off-the-boat, they usually only set up their language courses on arrival and that is when talk about fees start - a few weeks after she arrives. By that time, you will know if you have a keeper or a dud.

BTW, that is plenty of room. Our setup is very similar (2 children). My aupair explained that she liked the fact that the house was not too big (!) because she gets to feel like she is part of the family. She was explaining how other aupairs had their own rooms and bathrooms and ended up going to their room when the family was home and ended up feeling isolated and lonely. The key with an aupair is that she is here on her own, she also wants a little company and interaction with the family (but ideally she will make her own friends soon) and you will actually gell, appreciate and motivate her more if you include her in family life, rather than try to think about it in terms of privacy.

You could get an aupair in for 6 months and see how it goes. My dh was concerned about privacy as well but once the aupair arrived, he did not really notice the loss. I guess it was that or me being stressed and he chose the former.

Just a short note to say that my new aupair scored so highly on the spelling test in the local college (her English is very good, though she makes one mistake in most sentences) that they couldn't accept her on the free course that I'd spoken to them about and that she was expecting to go to one day a week. She could do a different course but it would be around £15 a week which is much more than she wants to spend.

overthemill, I believe that for those hours, market rate of pocket money is £55 to 70. My current aupair does not attend English lessons (swedish) but the previous one (german) did take ESOL classes run by the council at the local college - many aupairs attend these courses as they are free or subsidised. I did not pay for her lessons as she did not require me to - although it cost her £3-400 a year, she could claim it back as an EU aupair.

overthemill, for £65 a week pocket money, my aupair does a total of 25 hours a week of school run/childcare/housework, plus 2x evening babysitting. Of course in addition to the £65, you will be incurring the additional costs of providing her with meals, increased utility bills - I reckon that adds up to another £30-40 a week. Costs go up even more, particularly car insurance-wise, if you need the aupair to drive.

starlady
tell us about the hiring process with smoking au pair. This is not to criticise, it's more to understand how things were different from what you expected or if there were signs but you convinced yourself all was well (I've been there and am very sympathetic.) Would just be useful from the point of view of imprvoing everyone's recruiting capabilities.

was it a question of her lying about MOST THINGS???

Overthemill - suggest you check out old thread smoking au pair.

My au pair smoked (although she'd said she didn't), had a bf of 18 months she'd never met in China who she communed with on Skype constantly, and refused to come to the park with us on my son's fifth birthday because she had her period. And she was a vegan. Basically, she was another planet, and after a week, I had to say goodbye, and took her to her cousins with £200 guilt money from me in her pocket. I know there are success stories, and I wish I was brave enough to give it another go, but it's not an experience I'm going to repeat again!

overthemill, on the pros side, babysitting on tap, emergency care when one of your dcs falls ill (so you/dh don't have to rush home from work) and holiday cover - you just have to agree with her and pay her extra. But still much much less costly than taking no pay leave. I am also going to pay my aupair to help out at dcs' upcoming birthday party. She is generally keen to take this on because she wants to save up for when she starts uni.

One bathroom is fine - just let her know. Crunch time is in the morning when all of you are rushing out of the house. You just have to work to a military schedule for the morning rush hour. I shower in the evenings. The aupair presumably showers in the day when we are out. The rest is fine.

The lack of privacy does not bother us. If you make her a part of the family, it is quite natural really. We don't really notice. With young children around, dh and I are used to having very little privacy. I prefer sanity to privacy.

Oh - I had one who just ate everything . Very expensive foodwise and annoying.

Pros: Flexible childcare, general help with everything, cheap. We had one that we loved and were really sad when she left.

Cons: Extra person at home, can be bloody useless and need real, constant management input. Your child sounds quite easy to look after, but I've not always felt confident for my children's safety. Can be very awkward when you have to sack them for being a nightmare.

pros - an extra pair of hands around the house, opportunity to rediscover your social life with a live-in baby sitter, someone to run those essential errands like collecting parcels from sorting office or drop offs at the dry cleaners, an extra playmate for the DCs

cons - they rarely stay longer than 6 months/1 year, can be disconcerting for DCs with new arrival every 6 months.
English usually poor, frustrating for you and DCs trying to communicate with her. Not good for young children who are starting to learn the language themselves.
Expensive - will eat you out of house and home, and they always eat the expensive chocs, steak, juice you were saving for yourself or a special family meal
boyfriends - strange bloke in your house while you are not there, but maybe your kids are

Over the mill

Would recommend using an agency as references have at least been checked, plus if you are not happy within the settling in period you can say no and they can be relocated elsewhere.

Pros
Children can come straight home after school

Extra help with household chores freeing up your time.

If your really lucky like us they stay for years and become "one of the family"

Cons
Not all au pairs speak great English in my experiance most don't that's what they come over to U.K for!

Extra hidden costs of extra person in your household, food, utilities phone!!

If house space ltd lack of privacy.

In my case having some-one with a great "never had a baby" figure coming out of the shower each morning- can make you feel a bit shitty!

Most au pairs only intend to stay for a limited period.

If young au pair can need a bit of parenting themselves.

Wish you luck as with all child care can be a bit of a lottery!

OTM we haven't an au pair for a year now (our first one ever) and we got her off a MNer and she's been great. She leaves in 2 weeks but she's lined up a friend neighbour to come over and be our new au pair and they're doing a week hand over together.
Pros are - your house will be tidier and in an emergency they're usually around to help out, for the kids its like having a big sister around
Cons - not too many really, but obviously slight lack of privacy and another mouth to feed (our food bills have increased alot as you need to remember you're feeding them for 3 meals a day).

We only have one bathroom but 2 loos and its been fine for us - she just gets dressed in the morning and then showers I assume when we have gone to work and kids are at school/nursery.

but - sorry, what a typo!!

(Sorry overthehill - hopefully this will bump thread at least)

Pros and Cons of au pairs please......