Hubby says we need an au pair and I don't know where to start!

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There is an excellent article on www.findababysitter.com on interviewing and screeening nannies/au-pairs. Interviewing nannies for beginners

You can also find local nannies/au-pairs and babysitters for free.

Bruin - that's quite usual in my experience. I send a standard 'first' email that sets out as much relevant info as I can about the area, job and pay to try to weed out those who are not interested asap. (I did have a webpage set up with all the info and photos which worked well).
We lose our 'candidates' to 'London' (we live in a village an hour away from London)

I have tried Au Pair world and get lots of initial interest then after I have called them and emailed them with local english colleges and friendly information they say they have accepted another family! Was offering £65 now going to £70 plus travel card. Is it the wages, or me?

if you want help at no cost, how about asking your local college, and you could be a family placement for a training nanny?

My friend did this as she had twins of 2 and a new baby, and the extra pair of hands she said was fab

you have decided having an ap isnt for you - as in someone living in your house all the time? or that you dont want any help at all?

The other point I wanted to make was that if only it was that easy to know from the minute they walk through the door that it's not gonna work. It's my experience and one other mumsnetters seem to share, that we deliberate long & hard about AIBU, what's to be expected etc. If you get on with the AP, you're a lot more forgiving about their mistakes.

Why wouldn't you want any cleaning, I'm just nosey interested to know? Squeekypop, our au pairs clean bathrooms. One agency stipulated that au pairs weren't maids and shouldn't clean the whole house. The irony of that was that the AP we got through them soon found herself several cleaning jobs where, guess what? She cleaned other peoples' whole houses and of course I was housing her, feeding her...

Yes, I think that you can find anyone to do any job providing you pay decent rates commensurate with the skills needed for the job you have on offer, and treat the person well.

So many au pairs are exploited

Anna, that position is known as a Mother's Help - and you are right, they are expensive (similar to nanny rates)

imnotmmag - why does hubby want an ap? What do you want? Some help with childcare or more stuff to do with the house, ie washing,cleaning and ironing? as nick said, you want housework get a cleaner,you want help with children then employ a nanny, if you want both, then you might be better off with a mothers help

most mothers manage both quite easily. isn't it fairer to say that most nannies are unwilling to do housework?

Bossykate - yes most preofessional qualified nannies DONT want to to housework, we went to college, trained in our chosen career - which is to love,educate,play and take care of children when the parents are not around -

I didnt train for two years to clean someones toilet - bad enough I have to clean mine after hubby

For those of you looking for a "surrogate mother" - I think they do exist as my mother has a lady like this who comes in and does cleaning/shopping/ironing/childcare/old person care on a temporary basis for new mothers/ill people. My mother found her by advertising in the local classified freebie.

However, you will have to pay over the odds and treat that person very well indeed.

SQUIFFYHOCK, id join your agency , my family live near by but don't wish to see my two children ,but that's another story.

I'm a experienced nanny(28years of childcare experience) who after having my second child (13 years ago ) ,i have been doing occassionaly nanny work ,more along the lines of the helping family out type of work .I need to work to keep myself from becoming to bored at home , but can't work full time beacuse my son has special needs and holiday care is impossible.
I help with the childcare ,but i can also help around the house.Being slightly older i dont mind mucking in and after having children of my own nearly always know what needs doing and when .
INMGBSLM, where do you live?

Squeaky
Yes we actually would consider the lodger route for a bit. We could always give notice in a civilised way (have built in excuse, sorry we need the space for a nanny.) Whereas aspects of our track record with nannies is appalling, it scares me to have live in childcare. I hate confrontation and the thought of sacking one or having to have serious 'chats' and then look at them over the dinner table scares me.

There's probably a gap in the market, Squiffy

I think I should start an agency 'Grandmas R' Us'!!

It would be for all the families that don't have any family nearby (or have but they're not much use!) and for all the Grandmas who have grandchildren living away from them.

They could help with cleaning, ironing, doing puzzles and baking with children and we could sit down and have a nice cup of tea with them once a day!

What do you think? Will it make me rich??

Harriet - We flirted with the idea of renting out our spare room and using the rental money to buy in the services that we hope to get from the au pair but are sticking with the au pair for now...I am hoping that we will save £26.50 a week in parking fees (dh will drop me at the station and leaves kids in bed with ap in house), £30 per week in dog walker fees and £70 per week on after-school club..so even with no cleaning or babysitting we should break even.

Would you, in all honesty, rent your room to a lodger?

Our aupairs - we really have had a lot (13), but I was a SAHM for the first few years so happy to have them for only short periods - they are much keener in the first few months, and really do tail off quickly.

We have had one total disaster - Estonian girl who stayed for two nights and literally run off at dawn with the contents of my purse (fortunately not much).

We have had a Bulgarian girl who appeared to be a visa scammer - stayed one night and left due to my children's alleged headlice (they didn't, and I know because I checked them the day before she arrived).

We had a lovely English girl who managed a week, but broke her leg on a home visit and obviously couldn't come back to us. We thought that was going to be a great arrangement up until then.

We had a German girl who really wasn't cut out for aupairing. She seemed too good for our domestic tasks. We have also had 3 girls who got really homesick and only stayed a few months each. They were really torn, especially the last one like that who seemed to have problems sticking with things.

Our first aupair, we made lots of mistakes. She was nice, we are nice, and we got off to a good start. Her English was poor and we weren't paying enough - the stress took its toll. We have learn't since then.

We've have five other aupairs that have been good. They've stayed the course and enjoyed themselves here.

We've only had on really bad experience - the Estonian - and one pretty bad - the Bulgarian. After the Estonian, I had about 10 days to find a new aupair and managed to get one with two days to spare. After the Bulgarian, I had help from frieds and DH, and then the brief English aupair, then two weeks of an after-school childminder. The long term aupair started 1st October, so it was, in reality, 3-4 weeks of turmoil.

It is not a stress-free route. You really don't want them in your house when you are on holiday, so it's good to get them to arrive just a few days before you need them. But if it goes belly up, you have very little time to sort out alternatives.

Sorry I should have said: 'part time help around the house' not 'employee.' Please don't flame me for this.

Hmmm...I'm wondering about the value component re au pairs. We have been told our spare room and bath could rent for £150 a week in this area. So, if i get say an au pair plus in on £90-100 a week, the real cost to us is arguably nearer £250 (plus food and bills) for a part-time employee, with all the inconveniences of a live-in arrangement. We would definitely expect more than just the odd bit of ironing for this.

SqueakyPop - how many APs have you had and how many times have you had total disasters (like they walked through the door and you just KNEW)and ended up in another time consuming recruitment process?

You have to have appropriate expectations for an aupair in order to not be disappointed. But it's a lottery, just like employing a nanny or a cleaner is a lottery.

If you have school aged children, then it's crazy to pay top dollar for a nanny. An aupair is absolutely fine. As long as they do some housework, eg daily kitchen cleaning, hoovering and children's clothes, then they are really good value.

Plenty of people can do more than one role - it's insulting to suggest otherwise. I have even asked a cleaner to look after my DD (aroudn 1yo), when I had a 2hr dental appt during her scheduled cleaning slot (I told her not to clean).