Male babysitter......ok or not?

My 18 yr old son babysits for a family I used to childmind for.
My son gets on well with their sons. They adore my son.
Granted, he goes with his g/f, but she sort of tagd along, and my son is the main 'babysitter'.
He does it for petrol money!
If he was asked to babysit for a 7 month old baby girl, all I would say is that it may not be as easy money!
The main difference is that my son has been known to the family for 10 years, they have seen him grow up, leave school and start working, pass his driving test and get a g/f.
He's more like family.

Any stranger you invite into your home, you have to be wary about, but in my experience, go with your gut instinct every time.

Sally x

I think, over the years, I have had more male babysitters than female. I wasn't concerned.

A few years ago my cousin (male) told me he had a sexual experience with a teenaged (female) babysitter. Hewould have been ten or less at the time and I think it was more than once. I'm sure it wasn't a wind up and he also said that someone else he knew had had the same thing happen. I guess I'm telling this story (and I've debated whether to) because I've reflected on it periodically and wondered if actually this may be more common than anyone might imagine. Now that I'm a mum I would love to go back and grill ask him more about it to understand the circumstances, did she seem otherwise weird, etc. I'm pretty confident my aunt and uncle would say, oh she seemed like a nice girl, ec. if they knew about it. (And if they stopped to think about it - rather than, she's the girl next door, we are going out, sounds fine to babysit. Is the fact it was the 70s any excuse?!)

I have hired people to look after DD at home, all you can do is check references as thoroughly as possible and trust your instinct.But I think it's naive to assume that men are more likely to abuse or have bad judgement than a female carer.

yes sorry riven i am in leicestershire, thats a shame. It may be worth contacting the local uni and seeing if any 2nd or 3rd year student childrens nurse would be interested in babysitting, some have a specialist interest in special needs and perhaps may do a few hrs with you and your daughter to get to know her first and they will have the training not to majorly panic when she has a fit.

I know how scary fits are and think its worse when its a family member my husband used to fit (not had one for nearly 4yrs now) and i used to be a right state yet i had dealt with 100's of fitting children!!

in what way?

It;s compliocated TL.

What is the problem monkeytrousers?
Paedophillia is not a mental illness.That is why paedophiles get sent to prison, not to a mental hospital.
Paedophiles have control over their actions and are responsible for what they do.
Totally different to someone with a severe mental illness.

Maybe you missed this post of mine earlier?

"his should really be "Babysitter....ok or not?"

Check out anyone you leave your children with - get references, talk to people who've used them before, maybe get them to babysit while you're there the first time (you could invent something really important you need to do uninterrupted at home). Some of the best baysitters I've ever had have been teenage boys.

Don't reject someone simply because of their gender - you may be denying your children a brilliant relationship. I think boys in particular need lots of different male role models - and a caring, babysitting-type role model is a particularly valuable one."

What's irresponsible?

Oh, whatever TL.

My husband, father, brother or grandfather may turn out to be mad ax murderers too. But I am not going to live my life taking precautions in case this turns out to be true.

Paedophillia is absolutely not a mental illness.

It is a sexual preference which the person can indulge or resist. It is their choice what they do.

Paedophillia is a sexual pathology.

But - how can I put this - the fact remains that a majority of men do not work in the childcare industry and thios reflects a psychological preference. That is most men don't want to be allo-mothers. So the very fact that a man does, can be seen, and may well be justifiable ground for suspition. Not of all men, but the minority of men who follow such an untypical path. There are very strong instincts about this and political correctness should not be invoked above that - not when the safty of a child is involved.

But saying that, a minority of men might make great childcare workers. But it is knons that paedophiles do try to enter these professions. So a percentage of the male minority of childcare workers will be active or 'sleeping' (i.e. waitring for the right opportunity) paedophiles. But also some won;t be. They will just be guys who greatly enjoy working with kids.

It'sa tough one to call.

I wouldn;t though.

Gingerninja - I couldn't agree with you more. Fabulous post - thank you.

I maintain that paedophilia is a mental illness NOT a male pursuit. For every abuser there are hundreds that do not. I object very strongly on behalf of my brothers, father, grandfather, DH and any future sons to the attitude that you should view men suspiciously.

For all of you that have had negative experiences with men, you owe it to the next generation to understand the facts, not scare monger. Otherwise we will breed a generation of men haters and what good is that to anyone? Innocent men accused of a crime they didn?t commit probably and have their lives ruined as a result. That might be your DH, your DS. How would you feel about that? They are suspected as paedophiles just for being men. A disgusting attitude.

This should really be "Babysitter....ok or not?"

Check out anyone you leave your children with - get references, talk to people who've used them before, maybe get them to babysit while you're there the first time (you could invent something really important you need to do uninterrupted at home). Some of the best baysitters I've ever had have been teenage boys.

Don't reject someone simply because of their gender - you may be denying your children a brilliant relationship. I think boys in particular need lots of different male role models - and a caring, babysitting-type role model is a particularly valuable one.

This may come across as a bit of a hypocritical comment but bear with me I do have a point LOL.

I only let family babysit just because tha's who I trust the most with my DS and it's who he knows and trusts too.

But there are too many people thinking that if they leave their children with family they are somehow invincible to peadophiles, this isn't true.

Of the 3 people I know who have been sexually abused all of thm were abused by relatives who should have been looking after them one of them was abused by a female so I don't see the point in saying no just to a male then why would you take the risk with a strange female rather than a male?

I'd get his refs, speak to one of his employers then meet him. You are not wrong to have concerns about a babysitter, but I think there are many more concerning factors than a person's gender.

I'd get the refs and invite him round for a cup of tea and see how he is with DD. He COULD of course be a paedophile, but then so could so many other people with whom your daughter could have unsupervised contact. It's very unlikely that he will be. There is a male nusery nurse at my DDs' nursery and I'd be very happy to let him look after the girls in my house. The fact that he is a bloke matters not a bit. I think you should meet this bloke and then go with your instincts. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Incidentally, I don't have a male babysitter, but have several friends who do and say that they are great!

I'm totally puzzled at your comment that your 7 month old would be "terrified to be left with a man". At that age I'm afraid you are projecting your own fears/prejudices onto your child (I find the level of prejudice on this thread pretty awful tbh). Your baby might be wary of being left with a stranger but she will hardly be terrified at their gender. I'm sure she will eventually be though given enough time and reinforcement!

My ex-housemate is now a primary school teacher but when we were a uni doing out undergrads he covered for me when I couldn't babysit through too many bookings. He was 20 when I started passing bookings onto my housemates (always with parents consent, they both had 1st aid certs and experience with children, refs, met the families beforehand etc) and he ended up getting more repeat bookings than me or my female housemate with some families!

There's nothing wrong with male babysitters although I can see why you're worried because of the culture we live in. Experience, references and common sense are not specifically female qualities. What matters is that it feels right for you and I don't begrudge him any of the bookings I introduced him to because the family obviously felt he was right for them, just like some families preferred me or my other housemate. Of course there were some key differences: I stuck to bedtimes but he was a lot more flexible, I was quite confident dealing with a crying baby whereas he wasn't and he didn't start charging more after midnight when I did but my female housemate stuck to bedtimes, couldn't handle crying babies and didn't charge more after midnight either so I really don't think it was anything more to it than some parents (or children) simply got on better with him.

Moral of the story being I don't think the sex of your babysitter matters. See what he's like with your DD because that is far, far more important.

Our babysitter is an 18 year old lad - he is DH's apprentice so DH knows him very well and our children are boys. He is fab with them - plays football in the garden and even took our eldest to the cinema and MacDonald's one time If I ever have a girl I would be happy to leave her with him too. I think you need to meet him - see what he is like with your DD but I wouldn't automatically discount him just for being male