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Original poster

Would you make an au pair pay?

119 replies

gooseegg · 13/07/2008 01:28

If your au pair had had her purse stolen with her front door key in it would you insist on her paying the full price, half price or have no need to contribute at all financially to the cost of a replacement front door lock and new keys?

The au pair was out with friends in a nightclub - so drunk that she was an easy target.

The purse was later discovered in a car park by security guards with (thankfully) all her debit cards and her passport still inside. But our front door key and her mobile phone were missing.

In the purse she had left a document (a money transfet form) with our address on - which also wasn't taken, but which may have been read and have now provided a thief with our address and the means to break in easily.

The lock will need to be changed tomorrow, and dh and I have a difference of opinion on who should pay for it.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
FabioTheLiterateCat · 13/07/2008 11:42

It's called Godwin?s Law, Elf.

FabioTheLiterateCat · 13/07/2008 11:39

Most of us don't think the victim of sexual assault is in any way responsible for their attack.

Tortington · 13/07/2008 11:39

doorkey......>>> to nazis

wow

its a waxing gibbious moon

Nighbynight · 13/07/2008 11:39

points lost for being the first person to mention Nazis

Nighbynight · 13/07/2008 11:38

Laying responsibility on the victim for making themselves artificially incapable, does not reduce the blame on the perpetrator.

I wouldnt want an au pair who went out, got smashed and lost my stuff as a result. I blame her for being irresponsible.

I don't expect the court to give the thief a lesser sentence, because his victim was drunk.

A lot of people don't seem to have this clear in their heads - they think that if the victim has a responsibility, then somehow the blame on the perpetrator is reduced. It isn't.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 13/07/2008 11:37

Yes, lots of the people murdured by the Nazi's were to blame for not being the right religion, for not having the right look. They were partly to blame for what happened to them.

(note heavy sarcasm)

LaDiDaDi · 13/07/2008 11:37

Drink-driver = entirely to blame for their actions.

Drunk woman who is sexually assaulted = someone who has made themselves vulnerable but is in no way to blame for the act of an aggressor.

Drunk au-pair who has handbag stolen = someone who has made themselves vulnerable (and was silly to have address, keys and passport all together on a night out) but is in no way to blame for the act of an aggressor.

Tortington · 13/07/2008 11:35

oh yes

sorry lady you've shit it you silly girl

ScottishMummy · 13/07/2008 11:34

Gooseegg said "In the same way as I would describe someone who deliberately drives when drunk to be responsible for causing an accident, and yes in the same way as would describe a drunk woman to be 'partly' responsible for being sexually assaulted".

so gooseeggs what attribution of blame do you suggest?

FabioTheLiterateCat · 13/07/2008 11:33

Anyone who goes outside their front door lays themselves open to being a victim of crime Nighbynight.

Custardo

By gooseegg on Sun 13-Jul-08 10:55:22
6th para of that post

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/07/2008 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bamboostalks · 13/07/2008 11:32

Nighby, the op said very clearly that the victim of rape is 'partly responsible'. Actually, no they are in no way responsble for a vicious act of violence. It is these complicit views that you clearly share with the op that result in a very low conviction rate for rapists. Think carefully before you jump to the defence of someone who is, charitably, very misguided.

Tortington · 13/07/2008 11:32

is it me

?
?
?
i can't find mention of sexual assault

ScottishMummy · 13/07/2008 11:31

Lay of!?i haven't flipping got started on this one.we aren't talking some wee grammatical error getting derided. i am incandescent that someone can suggest alcohol+woman = OK to sexually assault

so actually nope wont lay off

i do hope this does get the pelter's it deserves

Nighbynight · 13/07/2008 11:30

Nobody has said that it does make it OK. This blamefest is ridiculous.

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/07/2008 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScottishMummy · 13/07/2008 11:27

gooseeggs you have taken an unpleasant event eg theft and somehow twisted into she asked for it and then the suggestion that women ask/invite sexual asault by ingesting alcohol

abhorrent disgraceful comments

you need to have a re-evaluation of your skewed morals

Thefearlessfreak · 13/07/2008 11:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Nighbynight · 13/07/2008 11:27

Anyone who goes out and makes themselves incapable is laying themselves open to being the victim of a crime. That's not the same as saying that the PERPETRATOR of the crime is less blameworthy.

Lay off the OP!

nbee84 · 13/07/2008 11:21

at your comments about sexual assaults

bamboostalks · 13/07/2008 11:19

And to draw comparisons between a drunk driver and a rape victim is beyond anything I can believe would be ever written on these pages. Have a good long think about your rationale and forget about the door!

unfitmother · 13/07/2008 11:19

As I said earlier, poor girl, having you and your DH as an employer. I find your comments repugnant.

RubySlippers · 13/07/2008 11:19

gooseggs - your comments are REVOLTING

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 13/07/2008 11:18

Sorry gooseegg but that is the WORST comment I have EVER seen on a thread.

bamboostalks · 13/07/2008 11:15

I had some sympathy with your situation until I read your appalling and disgusting, YES, disgusting comment about women assuming responsibility for the actions of rapists. Wise up to yourself, I suppose if your au pair had been raped you would have liked her to make some appropriate recompense as well.