Would you make an au pair pay?

gooseegg, I am sure everyone instils basic safety into their children, not getting into strange cabs, not getting utterly paralytic and lying in the middle of the road, not walking through the scariest part of a foreign city alone at night.

That is fine and common sense.

Where our ideas part is that if someone does something which is maybe not the most sensible thing in the world, like any of the things above, they are not responsible if they are assaulted by someone else. The responsibility for the assault lies with the person who did it.

If a woman was raped after getting in a strange cab, or walking alone in a foreign city late at night, would they be partly to blame as well? Or is it just drinking that you have an issue with?

How old is your AP that she also needs a telling off from her dad about something that has happened with her job?

Will you be telling your son and daughter that a drunk woman is also responsible if she gets raped? Thus implying that if your son does something like this it's not all his fault, and if your daughter is a victim that it's her own fault for drinking?

Of course you are right that rapists look for easy targets, but that DOES NOT MAKE THE VICTIM AT FAULT. I could walk down the street naked and shit faced, nobody has the right to touch me without my consent.

Could you drill your son to not get the train into prague when he gets of the plane - it is really bad for getting mugged.

So had the Doorman raped you would you have expected to be treated with any less sympathy than say a stone cold sober person walking home from work ? Should the Doorman receive a less sentence because you were "asking for it" ?
I thank god the police and legal system has moved on Gooseegg you have got to stop reading the Daily Mail, for the sake of your children, you don't want them repeating this shite at school/Uni and getting torn to pieces.

"Idiot" is pretty charitable.

Well I choose the word idiot others probably had better descriptions, just as accurate.

Aha.

By OP: "When she goes out she likes to drink lots of vodka - which I privately don't like or approve of"

So what's really the issue here is that the OP disapproves of the au-pair's drinking.

So if the AP goes out drinking, and something bad happens to her, the the OP's view that she shouldn't be doing it in the first place is vindicated.

It's a "don't come crying to me" type thing where if a bad thing actually happens the person who said it can feel all smug.

I suspect that's what's behind the "only got themselves to blame" brigade - they don't approve of women going out and drinking and so are quick to point the finger at the women when something goes wrong.

In fact I'm sure that's the case. How depressing.

gooseegg, you're saying that its her fault for "losing" the keys but you're not getting the locks cahnged until tomorrow....

well then, its'll be your fault if you get burgled for not getting them down as soon as you found out.

As for you ridiculous assault comment, you didn't hinestly think anyone would agree with that, did you??
You're deluded if you did.

[shock ] nighbynight

Great comment I wonder if the police agree with you.

I would be advising the au pair to leave and you should pay yourself.

How to lose all sympathy in one short sentence!

I had my purse stolen in Belguim when I was au pairing there in 1990. I lost the house key, my money and loads of photos. I wasn't made to pay. They knew they weren't paying me enough! Different circumstances though as it wasn't stolen when I was drunk.

In sort, you can preach better self responsibilty without abdicating all empathy and understanding for those who are unlucky.

Bad things happen to good people.

KatieDD, I have only skimmed the thread, but I can't quite see anyone except yourself calling the OP an utter idiot.

Sure I think that some of gooseggs comments are a little unnecessary, and she is probably not doing herself any great favours by sharing them,but going back to her original question. Goosegg has done nothing wrong except hire an AP but yet has to pay out for a set of keys.

Now I agree that theft can happen to anyone and the AP is as entitled as anyone else to do what she wants on her night out.

However the fact remains that Goosegg is out of pocket.

Were the keys and phone actually stolen or did AP just drop them ? Strikes me if I was a thief think I would take passports and credit cards.

I think in this case the OP should pay for the new set of keys, but make it clear that next time she would need to pay for them herself.

Gooseegg, being more responsible becasue you know the society you live in is fine. That same sociaty provides avenues for its citizens to enjoy themselves, and provides security in many forms in case they do get out of their depth - as humans are apt to do.

Walking around central park circa 1975 alone in a thong might just about tip the irrespinsible scales in to 'partial' responsiblity - it has the ring of looking for trouble about it - but going out and getting drunk, whilst not the cleverest thing to do, is something a huge amount of women do now, the majority of them not coming to any harm, as they and most men know that to sexually assault anyone is a crime.

Those men who still attepmt this becasue of the vulnereblity of the woman (drunk, upset, bereaved, hell disabled) are sioley responsible for crossing that line of criminaity.

I hope you can try to be less judgemental fo this girl, and all women who have been unfortunate enough to fall prey to such opportunists.

It does make me wonder where you got this opinion from. Does your DH have the same opinion?

I was intrigued by the OP saying she was going to show her DH a thread which shows what a narrow minded bigot she is. Mind you, from what she says about him he's a real tight-arse.
If I was their AP I'd need vodka for breakfast!

gooseegg, 2 things:

1. your appalling point of view re sexual assault renders me

1. get your locks changed today, do not wait until tomorrow

I think I begin to see why the poor AP needs the solace of vodka living in that arena.

why don't you buy her a burq'a and have done with it?

your poor,poor au pair is all I can say.

Agree with Daphnedescends entirely.

I bet OP doesn't show her husband this thread now we've all agreed what an utter idiot she is.

Mananny enjoy your basting !

believe in yourself mananny and bollocks to narrow minded people !!!

Dont let gooses statement ruin the rest of your day,enjoy the sun and baste yourself nicely

im off to the pub with DH for a roast dinner and a few glasses of wine xx