Page 2 | I have had so many changes of nanny in the last 6 months - we hvae now hired a really nice nanny - help me keep her!!!

lisalisa · 2008-06-30T10:32:05+00:00

Sometimes I think we must be every nanny's nightmare as the last 6 months we have had bad run after bad run ( and before the bad run had a great nanny for over a year but were eventually duped very badly by her) . We have now found a lovely nanny - a girl from Slovakia aged 26 who is sweet and loving to my nearly 3 yr old ds2 and very calm and efficient wiht older children. Her duties are child related only although she does have to clean the kitchen ( wiht the assistance of me and the kids) twice per day ( it is a v large kitchen whcih gets spectacularly messy with 5 kids and 3 adults in it!) and keep family wash going ( no ironing though). Some tips for making sure everything stays sweet please but ensuring she does'nt walk all over me/take advantage ( feeling sore from my past experience where last nanny who lasted just under 2 months ripped us off good and proper)

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

lisalisa · 02/07/2008 09:12

Thank you both for your messages. I think i'm coming to the conclusion that you can't have everything in a nanny ( like peopel generally really) - for e.g. if she's affectionate and loving to the kids then perhaps her weak point is organisation ( mananny you sound great - going weak at the knees imagining that kind of help!). conversely if she's a fiend at organisation /routine etc then perhaps she's not so free with the love and hugs.

I'll have to wait to see how this one turns out. She's ok at tidying/hygeine with kids ( prevoius nanny didn't even make sure they washed hands after the loo )but she seems fairly fragile ( said she'd never chopped an onion beofre this monrnig and took her nearly 15 mins to peel, chop and slice two onions!)and I'm not sure how she'll cope/last after witnessing one of the spectacular fights my kids can soemtimes have in teh monrnig while feeling grouchy ....

And for all the nannies/mums employing one out there - one small question....

i tend to cook before I go to work at the moment whilst dcs are having brekkie - this monring was preparing spag bol sauce ( with meat). I asked nannie to peel and chop onions, carrots and courgettes for it and she gave me a quizzical look. She took ages and ages with all the veg and didn't look very chuffed. Presumably this is all acceptable nanny duties bearing in mind this is the kids dinner ?!

OP posts:

AtheneNoctua · 01/07/2008 20:31

Lisa, I would say it's important to remember that there are three adults in the house making up a tringle of supervisory roles in the house. In my house sometimes DH agrees to do things then doesn't, but it's nanny who has to pick up the slack and I'm left apologising. If DH agrees to say clean the kitchen and then doesn't and you realise it monday morning as nanny comes on duty and you have to leave for work and therefore can't clean it for her before you go, then DH is accountable not you. I think it's important that DH is as committed to keeping the nanny as happy as you are.

(this example is a bit unfair as my DH does his fair share of housework.)

mananny · 01/07/2008 13:44

TBH Lisa any decent nanny would have seen that pile and thought "ok that's all kids stuff, I'll tackle it in batches as time allows". Even if it was the residual chaos from the last nanny, a new nanny would and should not feel too bad about bringing things up to their own standards of organisation. I'm probably bordering on OCD but when I start a job like to get an overall picture of how things are organised, from meals to schedules to laundry, then if I think I can improve on anything I talk to the parents, then roll up my sleeves and get stuck in LOL. The point being, if all the things related to the children are well organised from the start, it is going to make MY life easier, and often that spills over into making the parents lives easier too. And that's really the point of having a nanny (a decent one anyway LOL) YOUR life should be made easier.

Original poster

lisalisa · 01/07/2008 11:30

Thanks everyone - really helpful comments especilly from higgle. About top whack wages we paid last nanny though the nose - I can't even print what we paid as it makes us look ridiculous ( which we were!!). She now has new job at 35% less by way of exapmle!!

Taliac - I agree with you about ensuring nannies do not become domestics although think I go too far the other way in trying to minimise her "nursery duties" too much and make a rod for my own back in the end as i know most nannies don't enjoy it. for e.g last night i was up till gone midnight sorting dcs washing as i didn't want new nanny to see this massive pile ( after neglect by previous nanny ) and get put off ( twas all clean washing by the way but not folded or sorted. My dh said this was stupid and i ought to have shown her th epile and asked her to do it slowly in her own time ( don't mean her free time obviously just according to her own schedule). Interested to hear others views on making things as easy as poss for nanny?

OP posts:

taliac · 30/06/2008 22:06

Okay, this is my opinion but I'm aware not everyone shares it. It also depends on what sort of job you've advertised IYSWIM.

Anyway IMO, a good, experienced nanny is not a domestic and shouldn't be treated as such. Yes fine she should clear up after herself and the children, and if agreed do their laundry and keep their things nice. But I wouldn't expect my DDs nanny to mop or clean etc.

As far as I'm concerned, our nanny is a childcare professional whose job is to look after my children. I respect her area of expertise, and she respects how I want my children to be raised.

Aside from that basic stuff, the best way to keep a nanny is just to treat them the same as you'd want to be treated by an employer. Pay them properly, make sure you explain what you want done clearly and courteously, and keep complaints or criticism polite and constructive. Show them you appreciate them with words as well as gifts (and yes presents are good, but so are little things from their charges).

SimpleAsABC · 30/06/2008 21:36

Higgle you sound lovely!!

poshtottie · 30/06/2008 17:04

I've had nice presents, cristal champagne, louis vuitton handbag, purse, lladro etc, dh has a lot to live up too.

higgle · 30/06/2008 16:57

I think we hold the world record for keeping a nanny (except for aristos who pass them down in the family) Our lovely nanny came when DS1 was 6 weeks old and as live in until he was 5, liveout til he was 8 and then was our childminder until he was 11 and DS2 was 8. Trust your nanny and give her lots of freedom, don't be too fussy about what she does and what she feeds them, she is the expert is she is qualified. If you can't pay top whack wages make sure she has lovely christmas and birthday presents, be really fair over holidays and baby sitting - always let her go on time and welcome and be really interested in her friends and family ( they may be your relief child carers if you are really lucky - our nanny's friends were all nannys too). Never patronise her or make her feel inferior in any way. Our old nanny is now fiend and agony aunt to the boys and still visits with her own children, that advert in "The Lady " was a marvelous investment.

higgle · 30/06/2008 16:57

I think we hold the world record for keeping a nanny (except for aristos who pass them down in the family) Our lovely nanny came when DS1 was 6 weeks old and as live in until he was 5, liveout til he was 8 and then was our childminder until he was 11 and DS2 was 8. Trust your nanny and give her lots of freedom, don't be too fussy about what she does and what she feeds them, she is the expert is she is qualified. If you can't pay top whack wages make sure she has lovely christmas and birthday presents, be really fair over holidays and baby sitting - always let her go on time and welcome and be really interested in her friends and family ( they may be your relief child carers if you are really lucky - our nanny's friends were all nannys too). Never patronise her or make her feel inferior in any way. Our old nanny is now fiend and agony aunt to the boys and still visits with her own children, that advert in "The Lady " was a marvelous investment.

mananny · 30/06/2008 13:12

Bring her a bunch of flowers at the end of the week, it'll boost her confidence and ego a bit and make her feel great at the end of what must be a very busy week in the lisalisa household! A show of gratitude goes a long way and will make her feel appreciated and more likely to keep on doing the great job that she is!

phraedd · 30/06/2008 13:00

Ask her nicely to do things - not tell her

Make sure she is able to finish on time - being late by 5 or 10 minutes every day is annoying

Back her up during her working hours - there is nothing worse than being undermined, especially in front of the children

Say thank you to her at the end of the day - it goes a long way

itati · 30/06/2008 12:20

Anything your nanny does, and you don't pull her up on, she will think it is okay so make sure you speak up.

If you are home early, letting her go early too is always appreciated.

Say thank you. I know you are paying her to do a job but thanking her costs nothing and goes a long way.

An ex nanny.

Original poster

lisalisa · 30/06/2008 12:14

There's some good tips thanks.

how about house rules as she's actually living in with us? ( not that she seems to need them - she seems very discreet and easy to live wiht).

OP posts:

orangina · 30/06/2008 11:55

at last nanny lisalisa! I would do the usual 1 week trial, 3 month probation period, that way if you think the lovely new nanny isn't perhaps quite a lovely as you had hoped, you can be fairly brutal about replacing her.

I would NOT want to be argued with about what the children ate for their meals (!!!), but perhaps if you provided your new nanny with a typed list of all of the important things, it would help her settle in?

Giving her some time off if you are home early or go away for a weekend, finding out what her likes and dislikes re: food etc are, should all help your nanny feel comfortable. Regular reviews where you talk about progress and she can air any concerns etc should all help too?

AtheneNoctua · 30/06/2008 11:53

Oh Lisa. I can relate to some of that. My last nanny (the that preceeded current one) was a slacker. She just couldn't be arsed with lots of things. I was always following up and following up only to have her explain to me why she couldn't do something. She was a nice girl, but nannying was not for her.

My current nanny is lovely, but sadly returning to Poland to finish her studies in September. The nerve!

Original poster

lisalisa · 30/06/2008 11:45

Yes probalby - we let our most recent nanny go end of last week - traditional notice - 4 weeks pay, 2 days holiday, 2 days double time bank holiday and we didn't ask her to work her notice. Financial rip off.

And we were ripped off whilst she was here very badly - she was the worst nanny I can think of. Absolutely nothing - bar nothing was done right. Example - dd1 ( aged nearly 12)'s bras were put in ds ' cupboard. Her ballet leotard put in my drawer tucked where my tights were ( nanny knew and was aware that when ballet stuff washed should be returned to relevant kit bag let alone stuffed just anywhere !). Tuna sandwiches made without draining water ( i.e. without any care whatsoever) so all bread dissolved into disgusting muck by lunchtime. Dishes washed still very greasy ( and i am not fussy), children's rooms supposed to be kept tidy/hoovered/wood floor in one child's room mopped just not done and always dirty ( ended up doing it myself ). she also fed ds2 ( not even 3) cuppa soup for lunch with chocolate for desrt and argued that there was nothing wrong wiht that. Also gave him tons of fruit to avoid having to think up proper snaks - i,e, cheese on toast, eggs. At ahtt age , too much fruit is not good and ds was getting through 6/7 pieces a day.

useless useless ueslees an dthe most epxensive nanny i have ever ever hired.

OP posts:

savoycabbage · 30/06/2008 11:38

Just be kind to her I suppose. I was a nanny once and my boss was lovely but I heard lots of horror stories.

AtheneNoctua · 30/06/2008 11:35

Oh, good luck Lisa!

Did I miss something with you being ripped off???