I have had so many changes of nanny in the last 6 months - we hvae now hired a really nice nanny - help me keep her!!!

important things to remember:

1. chances of finding the perfect nanny that you don't have to work at least a little to keep a happy relationship are very very small (like the concept of a perfect lover)
2. that's not your fault
3. in the end, something will work out!

Actually when I tell my nanny not to do my laundry, I really mean it. If I left it in the WM then I'd expect them to stay there (actually I would plan my laundry such that nanny would never come across my clothes). Maybe your nanny had similar explicit instructions in her previous job, so maybe getting "incensed" was an overreaction? Anyway she seems to have the right attitude, which is everything, so I hope it works out.

"So maybe intially she was trying to see how much she could getg away with ? "
maybe another way to look at it is that she was just trying to work out what her boundaries were. and yes, I agree with the comment above that she might actually do better if you let her do more.

There is no way I would have left your washing and just hung up the children's. That is just crazy.

seems petty that she didnt hang/bung in tubmle dryer your washing BUT if she isnt meant to do yours/dh washing, then maybe dont do mixes washes

and agree about the cooking remark - maybe next time, just say, can you make a shepherds pie/lasgane/fish pie for tea etc and see how she makes it

Hi Lisa - this may be off target but reading through the messages now I wondered if perhaps your nanny was feeling "overmanaged". I know that in her position I would much rather be told to sort out dinner for the children than to chop an onion followed by chop a courgette etc. It may be that she doesn't have the organisational abilities to do that but I think it might be worth giving her a freer hand for a day or two and see if she rises to the challenge. The washing situation might also be a bit of a work-to-rule response as well.

lisalisa, sounds like she has no clue about nannying.

When I was 21 I had worked as an au pair abroad and as a Mother's Help before taking my first live in nanny job. The baby was 12 weeks old and the mother didn't work. After being there a few weeks they went on holiday for 10 days leaving the baby with me. One set of grand parents moved in for 5 days and we went to stay with the other set for the other 5. We also had a 10 day holiday together with me getting 2 hours off in that time.

Normal life was working 7-7 and getting up in the night 5 nights out of 7. I had 1 full day off and 2 half days a week, I never had holiday time off/holiday pay for working but that wasn't a problem. I didn't think and they took advantage.

I did everything related to the baby, prepared all the food, bottles, etc, all the washing and ironing of the child's clothes, I had to clean the baby's bedroom, bathroom and play room every day and take her to her activities. It was very full on but tbh I enjoyed it all.

was for the nanny btw not you!

I was going to post something that used to pee me off when I was a nanny but I see we've moved on...

Anyway, what really used to bug me when I was a nanny was that I got on really well with my employer, we were mates really (ok, not everyone wants this I realise). But as soon as other mothers came into the house her attitude changed. She loved to be seen to be ordering her 'staff' around.

I guess what I'm saying is don't be two faced (not suggesting you are). Treat fairly and nicely at all times. It really helps with morale.

wow lisa - you seem to do a lot and you have a useless/lazy nanny

i too have managed to cook spag bol/fish pie etc before morning school run, as on a monday we are sometimes out from 8.30 - 4.45 and then with homework/school clubs etc, it is nice to have tea done, and in oven on pre cook,so all ready when in the door, and house smells lovely

think you need to deligate at bit more to your nanny, you are paying her a wage to look after your children and do childcare duties

15mins to chop/peel an onion and not managing to clear up breakie stuff? how hard is it to wash up a few dishes/stack in dw etc

am very intrigued what you paid your last nanny and nice that you bath your children, my mb baths ours as she wants to hear about their day etc, but if her train is late i will do it happily

what bugs me (and have to say my mb at moment doesnt do this) but if the parents come home from work early, they then wander round the house like lost souls, annoying and disrupting the nannies routine and still make the nanny stay till her finishing time

do these parents not want to spend time with their kids - why come home early?

lisa - i hope she bucks her ideas up bdq!!

Jeez, Lisa, I hope you only have to pay her half a salary since she is only doing half the nanny job.

My nanny does the the nath time, organised three meals a day, cooks them and cleans up after them. She does their laundry (not ours) and lays out the outfits for the kids the night before (or digs them out herself in the morning).

The only thing I do is buy the groceries (which is how I control the bulk of what they eat).

I get myself ready in the morning, play with the kids for a while, and then I leave. I don't even get the kids dressed usually. Let alone whip up some spag bol on my way out the door. How do you do it? I am always amazed by the things you achieve in your days, Lisa.

I like the cheese preserver. Going to buy one.

BTW, the unwrapped cheese is not a big deal. Some things really are not worth mentioning. To be perfectly honest the only thing that really disappoints me in a big way about my nanny is her pending departutre.

From my viewpoint as a nanny to lots (5 or 6) families, get to know her really well, lay down the house rules, talk to her, and then let her get on with it. She knows her job and won't do it well with you peering over her shoulder all the time - but if you are worried, talk to her about it!

I have had a great relationship with my last family and now I am an "honorary" big sister, going on holidays, days out etc. If you can integreate her into your family life, she'll feel comfortable and so will you.

Agree with the DC rule!! I go M-A-D if the last one's gone...

agree if something pisses you off about the nanny, then please do say it, we are not mind readers, just as if something annoys me about a db/mb then i will mention it

LOL at cheese statement

and as someone said a word of thanks, not every day, but just a thnak you sometimes goes a LONG way, as does a bunch of flowers (bottle of wine) or an early finish, if parents at home - make the most of seeing your children, and give them a bath etc

no nanny is 100% perfect, but neither are employers

here

What is a cheese preserver?

Get the cheese preserver form Lakeland and that will help.

I know people say don't sweat the small stuff but it is usually something small that blows things up. If it annoys you and will bug you every time they do it, say so. I was a nanny and would rather have known than feel resentment growing from the parent. You are paying them to do a job and things that are important to you shouldn't be let slide because they are brilliant at something else imho.

Lol at your Diet Coke rule!!!!! I have the same one. (If you don't want a crazy nanny on your hands make sure there's some DC in the frig or else)

Jura, I think of you every time I see the unwrapped cheese. ThenI think oh no, don't want to be a mad woman. So I wrap it myself, put it back, take a deep breath, and walk away.

(incidentally, this little habit is not specific to cheese. She also leaves a half a lemon on the shelf unwrapped, half a cucumber, half an onion, you get the idea)

I have not mentioned any of this to nanny so I really hope she doesn't read mumsnet! But, as I said in the greater scheme of things, it's not a battle worth having.

Now... if she drank my last Diet Coke, then we'd need to sit down. This is in fact my one (weird, I know) food rule. "Never drink my last Diet Coke. You can have anything else you like.")

Going back to the cooking thing though. If you stipulate cooking the childrens meals is part of the job, then your nanny has to cook their meals. Simple. And they should meet, or come close to, your own requirements nutritionally. It doesn't have to be complicated food. My charges won't eat anything in a sauce or gravy or mixed up, so I cook separate veg, chicken, pasta with butter, baked fish, etc and put it in little piles on their plates and they'll quite happily dig in. Give them spaggy bol and not a chance. Am ignoring the fussies and cooking a variety of what I know they'll eat.

I agree with Athene, you'll never get a 100% match in a nanny. But as long as the children are clean, growing, laughing and learning then compromise is the name of the game. My bosses prefer not to have quiet, seen and not heard kids. Good thing too as they are loud, rambunctious and funny as hell. But they always say please and thankyou, and they are a joy to look after. The important things are the things my bosses and I agree on. After that we don't really sweat the small stuff.

I have to say I'm only a fiend about organisation in the first week or two of a job, by that stage everything is generally how I like it, and running smoothly. That then frees up much of my day to concentrate on the children, do lots of crafts and stories and playground visits and generally wear them out so they sleep all night! We do hug and kiss and have piggy back or horsey rides a lot, as its important to me that children get lots of love from whoever is in their lives, plus I can't help smooching them as they are so darned cute and funny!

My weak point is currently discipline. They make me laugh (deliberately) when they've been naughty and so unless it was a biting/hitting offense or throwing food across the kitchen, I have trouble keeping a straight face and therefore they get away with murder. Any of the above offenses gets an automatic 3 minute cool off in the stroller (they won't sit on a step yet) though. So if anyone has any hints on how to not crack up when the little buggers turn on the charm after being rascals I'd love to know. Its getting a tad uncomfortable being wound so tightly round their little fingers.

Yes, Lisa, this is fair ground for the nanny. But as you point out everyone has good points and bad points.

For example my current nanny (who I like very much), is very proactive (does things before I ask her to sometimes), is tidy and organised, is very committed to the job (always available for extra hours when requested), everytime I ask her to do something it is done without fail in record speed. Basically, she is fab and I love her.

But....
She is not very good on the nutrition front. She likes convenience food. She would expect her spag bol sauce to come in a jar and maybe add the meat to it at most. She LOVES garlic but can't be bothered to chop fresh garlic. Much prefers to open a jar and sprinkle (pour actually). She rips packages of cheese open so that they can't be neatly wrapped up to prevent cheese from drying out.

But still she is the best nanny I have ever had and I over look the other things because she does most things very well. DD's teacher and some of the mums and various mums from the gate have approched me out of the blue to tell me how good she is.

You do have have to take the person as a whole (especially when she is live-in!) and have realistic expectations. You can't expect perfection. But, on the other hand, you can expect her to do the job.

I think you should perhaps have a lighthearted chat with her and ask her what she would like to cook for the kids. Maybe she just wants to do it on her own time. Or maybe she wants to choose what to cooke rather than "Here. Chop this onion will ya." Or maybe she has never peeled an onion. If that is the case, then I'd leave her a variety of recipes as suggestions for things the kids like. You could even present it as "Since you just started you obviously don't know yet what the kids do/don't like to eat so I've prepared some recipes for you of things I know they'll eat." But don't go down to the level of telling her what to cook when.

BTW, I am most impressed that you whip up spag bol in the morning while kids are having breakkie. I pass mine over to nanny upstairs in pyjamas and leave breakfast, lunch, and dinner to her to sort out.