Feeling guilty about my baby being a childcare kid

I went back to work full time both times when my kids were six months old. My husband then took three months with shared parental leave. Both kids went full time with a childminder at nine months. I have no regrets. They’re both clever and outgoing children who enjoy/ed going to the childminder.

I think you’ll regret not going for the dream house and I think your childcare arrangement sounds like a good balance with family time too.

I worked 3 days with my first. After my second I had to return to 5 days a week after my marriage broke down. I felt awful dropping off my baby at childcare, especially on the long days. I cried in the car a lot. That second child is now the most confident, extroverted and hilarious kid I could've asked for. It really does do them good 😊

Oh dear, showed this to my DC who just came in. He is now complaining that I should have stayed at home until he was 3. If I had he would have been PM by now and would be driving a BMW instead of his fiesta. He is not happy with me. 😁

DH was in childcare from 3 months old. He’s the most emotionally stable and well balanced person I’ve ever met.

Could your husband do compressed hours as well, which would give you as a family more time with baby, and reduce nursery time?

Also, did you talk to the childminder about the commute etc? Some will be very strict, but my old CM would have been content if it was occasional lateness that couldn't be helped.

You're not the only one, a lot of us would prefer to be with our kids than at work, sadly. Sorry.

Except the daycare guilt.

Is your husband feeling guilty?

Actually, just seen that he doesn’t like his job. He should prioritise flexibility in his next role and he can do more childcare.

To be fair, the OPs baby will be in 3 days a week, and with family/her the rest so not full time.

Having said that, I’d sacrifice a lot for time with my kids, could you drop 10% of your salary to work 4 days given you’ve already been allowed compressed? I do think that extra day off in the
week is really important as a mum.

My childcare kid finishes nursery this week and I'm so sad about it! He's been there since 9 months and has learned so much, had a fantastic time and made some wonderful friends. I'm so glad he's had that experience. He also has a wonderful bond with my mum from the day a week he's been with her, which is also something I wouldn't want him to miss out on.

Agree with this. Ideally a child shouldn't go into childcare full time before 3 years old because that's when it becomes beneficial to the child.
Not trying to make struggling parents feel guilty but if you CAN sah/work pt the first 3 years then do it.

I felt awful about dropping my 13mo off at the childminder for his first day, but we have to work to feed him and keep the house he lives in!

9 months on, he is thrilled to be dropped off in the morning and has an excellent day playing with his mates at the zoo or the beach

In fact, his childminder only heard him crying for the first time when he fell over after he’d been with her about 4 months because he’s just so happy to be there!

You are really lucky to have in laws so close. I did too and their bond with DC has been, and still is, amazing. They are independent and working now after university but we are close and they are still happy to meet us when we are travelling to share some holiday time together. There is no right way to do anything. The best way is your way ❤

I remember thinking like this when I was pregnant, that it was all or nothing and one great big decision. Actually as you, your child, your job etc change over time you can keep changing your arrangements to suit you. You won't have a 'childcare kid' as if it's an identity. Since having kids I've been a student, stayed at home for a few years done a 2 days job share, 3 days, 4 days and full time up and down at different times with a few maternity leaves in between, and now I work from home full time. In that time we've had five different childminders, nursery and many different after school and holiday clubs on different days generally at my kids request, often when I've been at home. I remember my eldest would cry on the days that weren't nursery days and begged to do breakfast club and various after school activities like her friends when she started school. Kids usually see childcare as a fun activity for them. I've got teens now so working from home suits us for now but I know it will all change again soon.

Nothing is more valuable than time with your baby in such formative years IMO, not toys, a playroom or a dining room big enough to be used once per year. Before you know it they're at school and you can go back full time to chase the mortgage!

I returned full time after 5.5 months and I felt so guilty, especially as I'd missed a maternity of memories due to lockdown.

However, she's now 5 and is a social butterfly. So confident. Nursery does them good 😊

Do what is best for your family and don’t feel guilty. Most importantly, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty whatever your choice. I went back when DC was 7 months, mix of PT and FT over the years. They are now a well adjusted (mostly) 20 something. I’ve heard it all, not everyone approved and people can be vocal about your choices. It is your decision and you are under no obligation to explain your choices. You will be fine.