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Original poster

A tiny bit suspicious of nanny references

277 replies

SlicedMelon · 27/08/2025 17:29

So we have offered a lovely nanny the role and she has provided two references, first name with phone number. I’ve spoken to one who sounded honestly a bit nervous and referenced their child’s ages as exactly the “starting age” of the children in the role as described in her CV (eg said, my two daughters, 5 months and 2 years old rather than 5 and 7 which would be how old they are now - I just feel like a genuine parent would have described children as 5 and 7 and then said something like she started when youngest was a few months old or something like that rather than the exact starting ages?).

I’ve followed up and asked for his full name and wife’s full name and his work email, which he provided, but he doesn’t come up on LinkedIn / neither does company, although there is a website. Is there any other step I could reasonably do to verify this role existed?

I really like her but also don’t want to be relaxed about this considering my spidey senses are going off a bit… could I ask for payslips or something?

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FanofLeaves · 30/08/2025 07:02

ineedteanownotlater · 30/08/2025 06:56

You can only apply for a basic DBS for yourself. Someone else must apply for an enhanced DBS for you as they have to verify your identity within the application. She doesn’t need to be registered with the agency for them to do this (I’m not saying she isn’t, just that she doesn’t need to be)
Once you have an enhanced DBS you can apply to be on the update service yourself

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Well, thinking back I did mine via Ofsted but it’s been so long now I can’t be completely sure, I just pay the renewal fee every year for the update service. Definitely didn’t get an agency to do it in the first place though.

It is possible OP to have gaps in references- out of five long term roles I have had, there is one family who will not give me a reference despite 2 years working with them. This is because they are the most awful individuals and I only wish I could give references about them to try and save any potential Nannie’s from having to be anywhere near their toxic household.

However this is sandwiched between two absolutely amazing verifiable references thankfully.

ineedteanownotlater · 30/08/2025 06:56

FanofLeaves · 29/08/2025 16:18

No that’s absolutely not true- she may be registered with that agency too as obviously you can use more than one while searching for a nanny job, but you can apply directly. If you apply through an agency they do take care of a lot of the annoying paperwork but obviously they charge, so I don’t do that. I just wouldn’t dream of getting to the stage of my employer asking for references without having an up to date DBS certification or being searchable on the update service. That’s what makes me suspicious, not the references.

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You can only apply for a basic DBS for yourself. Someone else must apply for an enhanced DBS for you as they have to verify your identity within the application. She doesn’t need to be registered with the agency for them to do this (I’m not saying she isn’t, just that she doesn’t need to be)
Once you have an enhanced DBS you can apply to be on the update service yourself

Reddog29 · 30/08/2025 06:53

To add to your fun look up the website owner of the address https://www.whois.com
You have to at least confront her. She's shown you she's willing to lie to cover her tracks.

Simplestars · 30/08/2025 06:53

Your child is your most precious gift.
Don't ever take any risks.
If something went wrong you will never get over it.

ineedteanownotlater · 30/08/2025 06:51

Bananafofana · 29/08/2025 15:59

Likewise I wouldn’t give you my work email address (I have been asked for it many times as I am a referee for a lot of young people) but I just front foot it and say sorry I can’t use my work address! Scratching my head to think of futher ways you can check out this Nanny's credentials.

I work in education and as part of KCSIE we are not allowed to accept personal email addresses for referees - they must be work email addresses. You would not be allowed to give a reference for someone applying to work in a school if you refused to give your work email.

JMSA · 30/08/2025 06:49

My mouth fell open when I read about the husband reference!
Out of interest, OP, how did you know it was him you’d been talking to? Did you hear his voice on an Instagram video?

Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 06:49

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 30/08/2025 06:48

Oh and we found her via childcare.co.uk not an agency. I wish I'd reported her to the website but she was young and I felt it was her mum's idea to lie.

Is she still on the website? If so, it’s not too late

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 30/08/2025 06:48

Oh and we found her via childcare.co.uk not an agency. I wish I'd reported her to the website but she was young and I felt it was her mum's idea to lie.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 30/08/2025 06:46

OP trust your gut. We also had a nanny lie about her references. Offered her the job subject to reference check. One of them was her mum pretending to be someone else, when I phoned she answered with her full real name which was a different surname to the one on references and the same as the nanny's! A quick Google filled in the gaps.

When I explained I couldn't offer her the job the mum then phoned me up and screamed abuse at me!

I would have constantly been doubting her if we had gone ahead. It all turned out well in the end, the nanny we eventually found with solid references (we actually knew them!) was brilliant.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 30/08/2025 06:40

You can’t trust a liar to be in your home and care for your kids. Any small issue she will lie about: being on her phone all day, how kids hurt themselves etc.

Is there somewhere you can report this? Surely it’s illegal. And she will just do it to some other family, maybe just moving to the UK or with less English and she will get away with it.

You could also ask to see the old DBS even while she’s waiting for the new one.

Callalilly2016 · 30/08/2025 06:32

I would also refuse to give you a work email address. It would be a disciplinary offence as could be seen to an endorsement by my employer, which it absolutely would not be. My nanny was hired in a personal capacity and I would only provide personal contact details. If you have doubts about this individual, find someone else. Highly unlikely that anyone currently working as a nanny doesn’t have a valid DBS.

Adelle79360 · 30/08/2025 06:25

How did you find this ‘nanny’? She obviously isn’t currently working as one because of the DBS issue and you seem to be suggesting you didn’t use an agency.

I agree with others that asking for work email addresses etc for referees is not something I would agree to - if I’ve hired a nanny it’s in my personal capacity and I wouldn’t be risking giving my email address to a stranger for something personal and not work related. I come up on a google search easily but that’s not really the point, it’s not a work issue and I’m not allowed to use my work email address and/or position there for personal stuff. It’s not for the referees to verify who they are, if somebody has agreed to provide a reference then that’s the extent of their role. At this stage it no longer matters for this particular nanny because you’ve caught her and her referees out. Surely if you use an agency to find a nanny they will provide legitimate references from previous employers.

Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 06:24

MikeRafone · 30/08/2025 06:23

Tbh you’ve become the red flag 🚩

I’ve had a family check my references and one was my ex manager at a county council, so gave his home email as nothing to do with work. The other another family and gave his telephone number. No way would Andy give his work email as it’s nothing to do with this situation.

id also think you were overstepping the mark if Andy told me something like that had happened.

I agree

this OP… something very very off about her

Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 06:24

SlicedMelon · 30/08/2025 02:08

Omg what an update - I have found her instragram page and her first reference turns out to be her husband, so many photos of them together including their wedding! 🤦🏼‍♀️

On the positive side they look super super cute together and I like her more based on her instagram profile, apart from the glaring issue of the fraudulent references. At least now I don’t have to feel guilty about doubting her.

Strangely I still feel quite fond of her, even her husband has a super sweet face. I am a very good judge of character generally and don’t find her dodgy at all.

She lied to you
monumentally
and you were going to leave your two utterly dependent children with her

and you still feel quite fond of her

unbelievable

MikeRafone · 30/08/2025 06:23

Tbh you’ve become the red flag 🚩

I’ve had a family check my references and one was my ex manager at a county council, so gave his home email as nothing to do with work. The other another family and gave his telephone number. No way would Andy give his work email as it’s nothing to do with this situation.

id also think you were overstepping the mark if Andy told me something like that had happened.

MelaniesLaugh · 30/08/2025 06:16

Are you going to confront her?

AzurePanda · 30/08/2025 06:14

What actual childcare qualifications does she have? Surely these are checkable

Bellavida99 · 30/08/2025 05:40

How do you know from a photo that that it’s her husband who you spoke to on the phone?
she’s wasted so much of your time do confront her and get an explanation.

SullysBabyMama · 30/08/2025 05:11

SullysBabyMama · 30/08/2025 05:02

This does sounds very fake, however these are people giving personal references really…. I know they are the employer but they may not work in a job where they give references typically.

Never mind, I have now read the husband update.
Very personal references then as she likely does look after his children all day while he’s at work. 🤣

bumblebramble · 30/08/2025 05:05

There is a world of difference between someone who is charming and someone who is trustworthy.

She has lied to your face. Her “references” weren’t such good liars, but they were both unethical people willing to set aside their integrity for her. (I don’t think I could persuade my dh to lie for me. How many people would lie for you?)

Won’t you wonder if she really took your dc to the park, or just sat them on a screen all day? And if that bruise happened the way she said it did?

SullysBabyMama · 30/08/2025 05:02

This does sounds very fake, however these are people giving personal references really…. I know they are the employer but they may not work in a job where they give references typically.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 30/08/2025 04:52

100% sounds dodgy. Listen to your instincts

MidLifeMayhem · 30/08/2025 04:37

I am so shocked, this person provided fake references with her husband participating in this scam reference and you have researched and think she is ok. At no point is this person trustworthy. Why would she need to provide fake references? How could you possibly trust her even after a week settling in. I would call her out on it and move on and find someone not quite so chirpy who you can trust.

NewLifeLoading · 30/08/2025 03:04

Please do not trust your baby with this liar

Original poster
SlicedMelon · 30/08/2025 02:33

@healthybychristmas jog on! You clearly missed the part where I stayed up until 2am researching this woman to confirm my concerns about her trustworthiness despite initial great impressions. I merely mention that they look super sweet to highlight that they don’t look like dodgy criminals, just a nice couple touring Europe together and having family dinners.

Hopefully you’re not this rude to people in real life.

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