Nursery settling not going well

My child really hated nursery. Tried her at two different nurseries and persevered, but she wouldn't settle at all. No ND as far as I know. Life changed for a while as we had no childcare, money was tight. Instead we got her involved with dance and stage classes and then summer club before she started school. She also joined Rainbows and loves it there. She has now settled beautifully into school and I have no regrets. Nursery isn't for every child.

How hard that must be for you . I have been both a childminder and worked in nursery . Every child is different. Your little guy is on the young side so it's not surprising he is struggling. I do think that children who can't speak or able to express their wants are better in a one to one setting . However , not everyone can do this or afford it . I see you have looked at childminders . It's probably more expensive but it won't be forever as he will naturally progress to preschool or nursery .

Hey.
please tell me your boys is now happy at the nursery as I am going through the same thing with my 22 month old. I pick her up all exhausted after nursery and it breaks my heart

Your lo will be fine today I had a 14 month old who doesn't even stay with gran or let daddy feed him, run in excited to see the others....school hols so 2 almost 3 year olds and 2 schoolies ....he was laughing and giggling and actually calling a couple of their names....in his version of babble. You will get there once your lo feels secure.

My son at the same age was pretty distraught at first, he did settle, but if I had any choice whatsoever I would have delayed him starting until he had more language to be reassured about when mummy is coming back. If you can afford nanny or childminder or delaying work I would do that.

The point of a secure attachment is building confidence if your lo has been well supported as a baby the next stage should be easier....some of the most clingy ( for want of a better description) babies have gone on to be the most confident outgoings of children when they leave me for reception.

Id say start with an initial chat, see if you have similar values and get a good vibe, are they interested and warm with baby. Look at any references how long have children been there, have they had siblings return. Will they do a second visit with mindees present so you can see the bond and relationship. How is the settling done. What experience do they have....then you have the usual what's the routine etc. are they interested in the job as a career...... qualifications other than mandatory first aid and safeguarding. Always read through a contract and get a copy. Most should be happy to meet you and have a few discussions it's normal not to keep a space until parents have signed contracts so if your interested make sure you let them know.

Wow that’s insane @littlebopeep1991 why would they expect a baby to be ok with being handed to a total stranger? It contradicts all attachment theory and I think I’d be having a meeting with the manager about this. If they refuse to budge on it I’d look for alternative childcare that does allow a proper phased introduction that includes you. This kind of settling in is what’s recommended by organisations like NCT, and honestly I don’t think I’d be comfortable leaving my kids in a childcare environment that didn’t understand this.

https://www.nct.org.uk/information/life-parent/support-change/settling-your-baby-childcare

Not at all there are brilliant nurseries and brilliant CMS there are also awful ones of both....I assess childcare so go into a variety.....my argument is your saying a crap nursery is always better than a childminder regardless of that childminders skill.

I would switch to a childminder, he might just feel more comfortable in a smaller setting.

You’re just engaging in hyperbole. Of course you’ve created a narrative of failing nursery with felon staff or aPhD psychotherapist who just happens to be a CM

Of course you choose what your happy with but to imply a failing nursery is better than an outstanding childminder is mad.....you do know they are all inspected by the same inspectors to the same standards? That a childminder can have 4 adults working together? That inorder to take funding they have to be graded in the same way and certainly in my LA have had the early years teaching team involved? An inspector will grill the childminder for hours one to one...everything you do is watched every word you say to children scrutinised. You can't duck a question or pass it off to someone else. While your being asked about the EYFS welfare requirements you have to be spot on with meeting the needs and educating the children.

That makes bonding harder how comfortable do you feel if you go for an appointment say a massage or hair and don't know who your seeing until you arrive? A good nursery will be consistent from day one if over time a child shows preference for another staff member they can change key workers.

So in your opinion a natural family environment is not good for a baby they are better where they have to compete for attention with three others at the same developmental stage lined up in high chairs and taking turns to have a spoonful of food. Similarly should families only be one child families?
Children learn from other children they copy speech, follow older children etc. because they are exposed to much more conversation in a baby room there are a couple of adults...and sometimes teenagers chatting about the weekend...and 9 or so babbling babies.

for some children (and it’s hard to know which ones!) nursery isn’t the right fit. It’s totally ok to explore other avenues - I think childminders are potentially kinder but only if you can get a good honest experienced one with maybe one other child (during the early years). Interestingly DD has done her work experience in a nursery recently and came out saying she would never put her baby in a large nursery. Not because it was dangerous or really awful, just because they employed too many unqualified transient young people.

Pardon what? You chose what your happy with and I’ll do the same
Bring the apprentices forward I say

They generally fit their domestic routine around the kids. Usually they go to groups and out for walks during the day, which I think is nicer than being stuck in a nursery all day.

That is against the whole idea of a key worker and attachment theory where it's recognised young children need to feel safe and secure with a consistent caregiver the lo won't know who they are going to be handed to so it's going to be harder. Baby should be mainly with their key worker especially on handovers.

I had a similar experience and it was fairly pain free at preschool age. Hopefully it will be similar for you!

Cm in my opinion is suboptimal as essentially the child in someone else domestic setting in a mixed age group. It’s not homely. It’s a kid fitting around someone else domestic routine
I chose nursery for the age appropriate rooms and not reliant on one person. I did my research

Pardon....so really annoying adequate rated nursery with high staff turnover and relying on 18 year old apprentices is always better than a childminder even if they have been rated outstanding for 12 years, got a degree in early education done specialised courses in various things from language development, adverse experiences, supporting children with SEND etc? Have you used a childminder?