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Original poster

Help! What should au pairs get in London? URGENT

380 replies

majorstress · 17/01/2005 09:00

I'm paying £80 pocket money, all food, own room with new tv, dvd and radio. 3 x 3 hours English classes a week, just paid £137 for 12 weeks. Original agreement was this would rise to £100 this month, but hours were from 2:30 to 8 pm, 2 kids one at school one at FULLTIME nursery. She has talked me into letting her knock off at 6:30, and to let her off most of the housework which is ironing. The other housework is done to the minimum, very passive and helpless about everything, doesn't seem to know how to change a bed, or hoover, or cook despite talking about it all the time. I am finding myself working non-stop doing housework as well as a full time job, and failing dismally at coping with either, with continual colds and a back injury. Now she wants me to honor the £100 part of the deal. Am I a mug? a slavedriver? Should I find someone else? Quit my job? Kill myself?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Uwila · 11/02/2005 17:13

"...I am the boss rather than tell..."

It would help if I could put all of the words in my sentences on the first attempt.

Uwila · 11/02/2005 17:12

Hiya, glad your feeling better. I always find it much more fun to demonstrate that I am the rather than tell him about it. Next time he gets a bit stroppy (sp?), just put your hand on your back, grunt, and sit down. That'll freak him out. You've been a real trooper. He should at the very least acknowledge that.

Ah, so your getting an Estonian. Good luck! My nanny is Estonian and would probably be interested in meeting another Estonian. How old is your? Maybe we could introduce them. It might help yours settle in to a new life in a new land. And, it might be good for mine as well to meet someone new.

Original poster
majorstress · 11/02/2005 17:04

DH is really moaning about taking a few hours off work during my week in hospital, and gave out stink about my lifestyle (in fact the drs all said it's nothing to do with anything I do, think, eat or whatever, it's just aging and poor luck), then he said he is going to tell me what to do from now on, so this sort of thing doesn't happen again!!!. so I am trying to think some constructive thoughts instead of blowing my top, or possibly worse, laughing my head off! He's not usually a total moron, honest. Excruciating pain is a real perspective-changer for me anyway. Tomorrow we will have gone on our first date 18 years ago. I think we have some re-thinking to do certainly. Bloody Inertia has darn well got some babysitting to do, because now I can go out to a restaurant (briefly) in comfort! I watched an awful program about rotten nannies on ITV2 in hospital, did anyone see that? We don't get it at home, but I'm sure it's just a re-run anyway.

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Original poster
majorstress · 11/02/2005 16:53

I'M BACK and more , and so is my back! I am sooooo lucky the op worked (disc was shattered and out already, so much for physiotherapy for 5 months, it would never have got better) and I am in great shape considering, so they discharged me early. Granny and dd1 off on plane tonight for the week. I think I can't sack Inertia until I get replacement because dd2 is wary of strangers, and at just 2 can't understand what's going on, she is already upset with my sudden disappearance for 4 days. We think she will stop sleeping or take her revenge in some other way if we sack Inertia, get temp, then change again 2 weeks later. BUT guess what I have now got the refs on someone who seems perfect and without any prompting they all mention all the traits missing from Inertia-get ready to meet Vavavoom from Estonia...I hope ASAP. Watch this space!!!!

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Uwila · 11/02/2005 09:04

Majorstress, are you around? Are you ok? Did you go in for surgery? Has inertia met her fate?

Just checking to see if you are ok?

Uwila · 08/02/2005 15:46

I might be overstepping my bounds here, but how can he expect you to do the child care with a slipped disc? I would have a fit if my husband left that to me (which isn't to say that he wouldn't try).

I do wonder if your expectation of post surgery capabilities might be a bit ambitious.

What about enlisting a local childminder who does school runs whilst you recover?

When my crap au pair left, I enlisted a local childminder to get me through the next couple of weeks whilst I frantically hunted down a replacement.

Original poster
majorstress · 08/02/2005 15:31

I do have some in view, though have got in a muddle with 2 on g.a.p., the same name, have been corresponding gaily with 2nd choice by mistake! I'm not in great shape mentally I guess, never mind physically wrecked. I am waiting to go into hospital at short notice any minute, and I need dh to take over the search, he is an experienced interviewer unlike me, but he is not very motivated. I have put everything, all the agency phone numbers, profiles and printed out emails from likelies, in a hidden folder for him, but he has to be nagged to look at it and only looks for 30 seconds. I just want her out of my house,but dh is being mega-stressed at work and at home, and doesn't want any tidal waves rocking the household boat just now. He keeps saying things like, since I am here, I can keep an eye on things and tell her what to do. Mostly I lie on the bed in pain, and couldn't care less what's going on downstairs anymore; I have bent over backwards for months to SHOW her what to do, telling doesn;t work, and showing is only partly successul. Now, with a slipped disc, I can't be repeatedly showing someone how to plug in a hoover in a floor level socket-and WHY SHOULD I NEED TO? I will go insane if I have to live with creepy Inertia while housebound after surgery. I'd rather be alone, but without Inertia, dd2 needs ferrying to/from nursery which is only 3 hours anyway. Then I will have to look after dd2 myself which is against drs orders and the truth be known I don't feel able to right now-can't change nappies, lift her out of the fixes she gets in, or even sit to read stories. She's ready for potty training now but I can't do that either.

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Uwila · 08/02/2005 12:48

Does this mean that you have a new one on the horizon, or that you have decided that life with no one is better than life with Inertia?

Where is hubby in all of this? Is he sharing the burdon with you? Or will you be in the position of having topick up all of Inertia's duties yourself?

Original poster
majorstress · 08/02/2005 11:49

Granny thinks she's crap too. Dd2 and granny are becoming chums (they are identical twins 70 years apart!) so maybe she will take her to Ireland next week-fingers crossed!!! Uncle B has offered to fetch her back (thank you, thank you, uncle B), he particlarly gets on with dd2 too (she's not soppy and easy like dd1). Just dh to convince-3 more days of granny's help...hope hope hope. If I can just lose both kids for a few days we will be able to ditch Inertia right away!yippeee

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Original poster
majorstress · 08/02/2005 11:40

HI no she doesn't feed dinner because that is our family meal of the day, the only time we sit down together, which she won't join in on. Apart from no interaction, so English not improving, she doesn't understand about spoiling little appetites, and individual likes and dislikes (except her own). She has cooked 2-3 hungarian delicacies, after much discussion, nagging me to procure ingredients on the spot, preparation, fanfare and mess, then leaves giant pots of soupy mess on cooker and goes out. Isn't that odd? I would like to share food I had prepared as a special treat, myself. Thus she still doesn't know that dd1 hates peppers and won't eat food that contains lots or tastes like them (all Hungarian stuff seems to contain), and none of us like very dilute, sloppy soupy meals.

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Uwila · 07/02/2005 21:10

Does Inertia feed DD1 her dinner? I wonder if she would still hand out the snacks if she had the burdon of a child who won't eat.

I have this problem with my husband. It drives me crazy.

Original poster
majorstress · 07/02/2005 19:07

Can't really boot her until i get a new one interviewed, and that really can't happen until I am out of hospital unless DH suddenly completely changes his personality (he is even more wimpy than me). Granny just gave up trying to have a conversation with Inertia, very out of character, and we haven't told her anything. Once I can reach my feet to tie my laces, those big boots are goin on those feet and out she goes.

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Original poster
majorstress · 07/02/2005 19:02

I am still on the emergency list waiting to be called when there is a gap in the stream! Granny is here, dd2 did her the honor of 3 poos in one morning , a record for her. So granny feels unloved (maybe should be honored!), and DH definitely doesn't want dd2 sent away now for next week as she has twigged something is wrong and getting very upset with everyone, wanting mum when anything goes wrong, though I am only upstairs. My total fed-upness with Inertia is very plain I'm afraid, and she is sneaking around even more annoyingly, also now I see she keeps feeding snacks on demand to dd1 at 6 pm (she gets a big all-she-can-eat healthy snack at 3:30 then I want her to wait until dinner at 6:30) no wonder she won't eat her dinner. I've also noticed that Inertia's inability to change or wash sheets extends to the ones on her bed, a farm animal set I gave dd1 for birthday, she "borrowed" it a few months ago, the adult ones were shunned, and now I am sure it is only going to get changed when it walks out of there by itself. Explains a lot.

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Uwila · 07/02/2005 15:29

Majorstress, how are you? Coping?

Original poster
majorstress · 05/02/2005 19:27

oh great now DH has decided that MIL can't cope with dd2 age 2 and MIL herself has asked for a harness for her (bad sign). (dd1 was already going anyway, she is a little angel and granny dotes on her) I think dd2 needs more than a harness when she sets off on one of her determined little missions! FIL is a little frail too and won't change nappies, and auntie is game but disabled, brother in law and new wife are vv busy though haven;t been approached yet....so much for Dublin contingent. hermmm...I WILL OVERCOME!!!!just you wait

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Ameriscot2005 · 05/02/2005 12:46

Glad you are gradually getting things sorted out, Majorstress.

It's hard being an expat, sometimes, when you don't have easy family support to rely on. It's great the your MIL is helping out - hopefully this is a win-win situation as she gets to spend quality time with her grand-kids while providing you with much-need childcare support.

Take care of yourself!

Original poster
majorstress · 05/02/2005 12:02

oh by the way I enjoyed my rest in the MRI machine, I even nearly fell asleep in the quiet spells-they are loud! wonders of modern science- and all my moaning more than justified it is urgent that it be repaired (badly herniated disc.)

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Original poster
majorstress · 05/02/2005 12:00

she is helping a smidge more, but I just don;t like her anymore at the end of the day, and want her out of my hair while I get my life back in order. NO more MS nice Majorstress. There a plenty of lovely fish in the sea and I am going to catch the right one this time!

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Original poster
majorstress · 05/02/2005 11:56

no he's too busy at work and we're getting his mum aged 75 to come from Ireland on Monday to help, then take the kids away for halfterm on Friday (she was already having dd1, and has offered to have dd2 now) the folowing week, when I should be home from hopsital again. I will get rid of inertia then and install a new one with no kids underfoot and any refusal to do the listed tasks on the contract will result in their head spinning around as they wait in the airport for a plane home- I should be able to walk around again then a bit-unlike now, ow have to lie down again.

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Uwila · 04/02/2005 10:31

Oh gosh, Majorstress, I didn't realise you were quite that bad. Good luck to you! Can I do anything to help? I trust your DH is holding down the fort and taking over the childcare crisis until you are mobile again?

How are you in the immediate future for childcare outside of aupairs normal working hours? Is aupair going to work a bit more to help you?

Majorstress' Husband, if you are reading this, please let me know if I can help at all. Post a message here or send me a CAT (Contact Another Talker link at top of this page)

binkie · 04/02/2005 10:03

Oh you poor poor thing.

Have you been MRI'd before? If not, I can assure you that it's fine - not an unpleasant experience in any way (unless, I should say, you have problems with confined spaces - but you're not restrained, you just get slid into a rather neat-fitting space).

Try these: all say they cover N London, but worth having a word to see if they can provide exactly what you need:

  • Childminders - 020 7935 3000 - primarily a babysitting agency, but when we've had daytime childcare emergencies they've always come up trumps. You pay a fee to join, then an hourly rate

  • Occasional & Permanent Nannies - 020 7225 1555 - nannies we've known have used this agency and been happy. Don't know any parents who've used it though (and we haven't)

  • Universal Aunts - 020 7738 8937 - their aim in business is to cover all sorts of domestic emergencies, but primarily child-based

Might you need any home nursing help yourself?

All the very very best, and please ask your dh to keep us updated.

Original poster
majorstress · 04/02/2005 09:33

Well I'm off for my emergency MRI for seriously herniated disc, probably to be followed by surgery, 4-5 days in hospital and 4-5 weeks recovery with no houseowrk or childcare allowed. So sorry, skip the next line souls who are braver than I, but I have to WHINGE. There thats better. NOW an agency is just waht I was thinking, if any of you kind souls see this, realise I can only spend a few minutes at the PC at a time and intermittently at that (too painful even hough DH has moved it, at least I can see the monitior now) but can't scroll down and search for ages. SOOO could you kindly post on this thread phone numbers of good agencies you know that might serve north London? I have a couple in the yellow pages to make a start. THANK you thank you x 1000

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Tanzie · 02/02/2005 22:05

Majorstress, have you tried Simply Childcare? We found a lovely nanny through them.

Bugsy2 · 02/02/2005 14:31

Any reason not to use an agency Majorstress? The one I used was only £320 and saved me s**t loads of stress. Loads of good advice too. I think I said before my Aupair is Polish & great and my friend has Czech aupair who she gets on really well with too.
Have you thought of putting notices up in your local newsagents or looking at the notices? In SW18, the noticeboards are positively heaving with aupairs looking for work.

Uwila · 02/02/2005 13:20

Poach my gem? Oh, no no... I'm not that generous. It was a temporary offer for a win win kind of situation. You could pay her instead of me while I don't actually need her (or at least take her over part time). There's is a benefit to me her as well, obviously.

But, really, it's beter for you find a permanent suitable replacement. So I just metioned it in case you find yourself still in this bind in June. But, chances are you will find a replacement and it won;t be an issue much sooner than June.

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