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Original poster

Help! What should au pairs get in London? URGENT

380 replies

majorstress · 17/01/2005 09:00

I'm paying £80 pocket money, all food, own room with new tv, dvd and radio. 3 x 3 hours English classes a week, just paid £137 for 12 weeks. Original agreement was this would rise to £100 this month, but hours were from 2:30 to 8 pm, 2 kids one at school one at FULLTIME nursery. She has talked me into letting her knock off at 6:30, and to let her off most of the housework which is ironing. The other housework is done to the minimum, very passive and helpless about everything, doesn't seem to know how to change a bed, or hoover, or cook despite talking about it all the time. I am finding myself working non-stop doing housework as well as a full time job, and failing dismally at coping with either, with continual colds and a back injury. Now she wants me to honor the £100 part of the deal. Am I a mug? a slavedriver? Should I find someone else? Quit my job? Kill myself?

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Tanzie · 17/01/2005 11:34

I think the competence issue is more of an issue than the pay. I would say to her that you will honour your part of the contract (ie pay her more) if she will honour hers (ie do what she is paid to do). You cd then point out that she is not honouring it at the moment. She is PAID to do a JOB, not to sit on her arse all day. My last au pair was lovely, but needed very firm guidance as her Mum and sister had done everything for her - eg she didn't know you needed to put soap powder in the washing machine to get the clothes clean!!

I am an only child and think my parents brought me up to be very independent - I learned to cook at an early age and had to clean (only dusting and hoovering) for my pocket money. They were very keen that I shouldn't be spoiled!

binkie · 17/01/2005 10:16

There are two things here - the pay rate, and the competence issue. I don't really know about pay rates - have you checked bestbear.co.uk or greataupair.com and seen what they suggest as going rates? (Think she'd be an "au pair plus" if working more than 25 hours a week, & they get more - but see what the sites say.)

But I don't think that's really the issue (apart from of course you shouldn't increase her pay when she has arranged to decrease her work). I think, & sorry if this sounds bossy, you need to draw up a list of what your last au pair did for you, decide what of that it is right for this one to do (just in case the deal was different) and then have a serious sit-down conversation with the girl. If you get an unhelpful, defensive response, then it's probably replacement time, as it's never going to get better. If you get a semi-helpful "I'll try" type response, then you need to decide if you have the time and energy basically to train her - but you mentioned not wanting to adopt, so perhaps in that case also she should go.

I can't believe it should be so hard to find someone for your job - sounds like a dream!!

Original poster
majorstress · 17/01/2005 09:33

I was spoiled by my previous Polish lady, who left to work in a friend's restaurant. She came from a family of 6, and knew how to get things done! No way would she walk past a pile of toys or kid's books on the floor, never mind MAKE one! or leave the hoover in the middle of the room and go to bed! This one is an only child like me, (I would never hire one of those if I had thought to ask ) and is rather mopey and whiney with an overweight problem (I can see why now!). I already have 2 dds, and don't want to adopt this one, in fact they are more helpful (age 4 and 2). I hired her after 2 others fell through at very short notice. Does anybody think I could do better for this amount of cash? Can't afford more, and am missing our 3rd bedroom more than I expected too. She doesn't smoke or drink and is reliable with the children so far, they are fairly happy-but I'm not.

OP posts:
PuffTheMagicDragon · 17/01/2005 09:20

I don't have an au pair, but just from reading your post she taking the p* IMO. She should shape up or ship out! Must be v stressful for you. Hope you get things sorted.

yuletide · 17/01/2005 09:13

We live in Manchester and AP gets £70 One week and £90 another.( duties Vary) Like you everything else included. ( don't kill yourself!!) I have always paid basic £55 for 25 hours then increased it when she proves she up to the job.

I don't see why she should get £100 if she is not doing less than her orginal hours and not doing what is expected. It no good if you are not getting the benefits of AP. I think youneed to explain this.

good Luck