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Original poster

Help! What should au pairs get in London? URGENT

380 replies

majorstress · 17/01/2005 09:00

I'm paying £80 pocket money, all food, own room with new tv, dvd and radio. 3 x 3 hours English classes a week, just paid £137 for 12 weeks. Original agreement was this would rise to £100 this month, but hours were from 2:30 to 8 pm, 2 kids one at school one at FULLTIME nursery. She has talked me into letting her knock off at 6:30, and to let her off most of the housework which is ironing. The other housework is done to the minimum, very passive and helpless about everything, doesn't seem to know how to change a bed, or hoover, or cook despite talking about it all the time. I am finding myself working non-stop doing housework as well as a full time job, and failing dismally at coping with either, with continual colds and a back injury. Now she wants me to honor the £100 part of the deal. Am I a mug? a slavedriver? Should I find someone else? Quit my job? Kill myself?

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Original poster
majorstress · 21/03/2005 14:36

That Good Nanny guide IS good-though dated, they need to revamp it. Was 2000 really so long ago? Did we really think that everyone would be carrying "AIDS" cards to show their HIV status? As if there wasn't enough to worry about. I feel so daunted, I just so cannot look after another little girl who is supposed to be working for me, sometimes I hate the ones I have, to my shame.

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Original poster
majorstress · 21/03/2005 14:36

That Good Nanny guide IS good-though dated, they need to revamp it. Was 2000 really so long ago? Did we really think that everyone would be carrying "AIDS" cards to show their HIV status? As if there wasn't enough to worry about. I feel so daunted, I just so cannot look after another little girl who is supposed to be working for me, sometimes I hate the ones I have, to my shame.

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Original poster
majorstress · 21/03/2005 14:32

Well, Inertia is gone, and DH and I are revelling in having our house back, while I desperately try to get my voice back from a nasty cold. I can't believe how miserable this au pair experience has been for me and him. It is only putting off the evil moment when we have to find her replacement in less than one month. We have racked our brains for alternatives but due to working and commuting hours, seem to be stuck with having another "au pair" who is really a mother's help-nanny hybrid. I have found a nice and efficient weekend cleaner who the dds loved on sight and I have taken a shine to as well (another families' GOOD au pair who is busy with them during the week-yes I asked her to tell her friends I am looking and that we are nice). We have got so many "applicants" I can't see the wood for the trees but one repeated experience has been as soon as I pick one they evaporate, without knowing anything about the job, usually when I ask for a reference-unless of course they are unsuitable-can't start when I need them, or have questionable immigration status. So far the agency has been a dud, giving me 2 supposedly vetted people, who are uncontactable on repeated phoning and don't return my calls. Again they don't know anything about me or the job, so I can't be putting them off-just general unreliablility and not really serious I guess.

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uwila · 15/03/2005 10:41

Ah, yes. I must crack mine out again as well. In fact, it might be fun just to leave it on the kitchen table. Dearest nanny does not yet know that I intend to let her go.

But, the bottom line is I will not be told by her what I can do to accommodate her... unless of course she would like to start paying me.

I am however having grand fun amusing myself by doing things I know she doesn't like (such as making a point to get up early and dress DD myself). Hopefully this will make the job less and less desirable, hence making her departure a mutual desire.

Original poster
majorstress · 15/03/2005 09:53

Got my good nanny guide, and daren't leave it at home on the bedside table!

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Original poster
majorstress · 15/03/2005 09:51

In the home stretch with Inertia-DH spent precious Sat morn helped her pack her HUGE box of excess baggage and take to post office-thus missing DD1s swimming lesson (I and dd2 have heavy cold so couldn't cope). He decided to take her to airport as well as she can't be trusted to find the plane herself, and I have to agree-don't want her back on the doorstep. Surprise, surprise, she offered to take the 2 girls outside into the garden to play last night when I staggered in coughing, because I had to go straight out again and pay for DD1's holiday club next week. Another first, and off her own bat too. Too little too late.

Ray of hope-advertised in local shop for weekend ironer, got (after several no-shows) a lovely Slovak who is already fulltime AP all week for 2 stay at home kids (alos there doing all the jobs Inertia refuses me)-so what does she do at weekends? Goes out and looks for other work! Needs the money and more English practice. Atta girl. So willing workers DO exist!!!

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uwila · 13/03/2005 09:28

Hi Majorstress,
Yes, that is now my plan. I'm considering looking for a younger one. I hate having to do this. UGH!

Oh, well... Such is life, huh?

Original poster
majorstress · 12/03/2005 14:44

uh-oh. Maybe you should let her go when new baby comes? and start lining someone up now for your now ?3 month mat leave, loads of people are looking now (the organised ones?!) to start in the summer.

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uwila · 11/03/2005 20:41

Well, I just had a long chat with nanny regarding a whole bunch of issues. In the end, it seems she thinks that she should choose the diet and I should also let her pick DD's clothes... uh... sorry.... I've seen some of the clothes she puts on poor DD. Can't believe they went out in public.

I've come to the sudden realisation that nanny is not really cut out to be a live-in nanny. This is largely (I believe) due to her being way over qualified. She didn't say so, but DH thinks she will quit soon. Think I'll look for a younger one next time.

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majorstress · 11/03/2005 17:36

Maybe [email protected] deserves another look?

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Original poster
majorstress · 11/03/2005 17:33

Hey, listen to the latest one, an Irishwoman off greataupair I emailed over a month ago, to the usual no reply, suddenly sent 3 emails to DH yesterday (I gave his address because I was about to go to hosp, and heck, he IS Irish!). She said sorry about the delay but Tuesday was International Women's Day and she was busy (What Tuesday? Did the day last a whole month??). Also were there any women's rights groups or discussion forums in my area? So she went straight to the top of our list ! (NOT-unless I want my kids dragged on marches in the capital every week).

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Original poster
majorstress · 11/03/2005 17:15

That is an issue with me too, Uwila, about the toys. What use is a puzzle with missing pieces? But with my current lady, nothing ever gets lost, because they never come OUT of the box and shelves! Luckily dd2 is more assertive and gets it out herself, and often tries to clear up too (nursery influence). My colleague at work keeps pressurising me to talk a mutual friend across the road into being my childminder-but she has 2 kids too, one in a different morning nursery, a long way away from dd2's, with the same drop and pickup times as my dd2, and one dd under one. And she feeds them on junk. I love to go round to chat and play, but there is a limit. At least Inertia only has non-junk to provide from my house, this is a cert because she is too lazy and mean to go to the shop for anything else!

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Original poster
majorstress · 11/03/2005 16:58

Thanks Ameriscot. I was hoping the Canadians wouldn't have too much trouble getting in, the NZOZ ones are very rare and all think they are full-on nanny material. I would like someone already here, but I think why should they work for us? My previous housekeeper who worked for rich families too told me I wouldn't get anyone to stay unless it was their first job. They are recruited with visions of floating around enchanted mansions a la beauty and the beast. I'm getting the impression that they expect at least to be working for a billionaire by the second job. There was one guy on greataupair recruiting staff for his castle, no housework! How can I compete with that?

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Ameriscot2005 · 11/03/2005 16:18

You are having such bad luck, MS

I think native English speakers would be good at the job, but it can take a while to set up with the visa issue, unless they are already in the country.

Perhaps this is a bad time of year to recruit a good au pair, as they are probably in school/college at the moment.

Original poster
majorstress · 11/03/2005 16:06

The agency lady suggests an older one, but I don't know; even my departing 23 year old has some very strange ideas set in stone-she's untrainable. I was thinking a younger, native English speaker would be the best for me to try and if that doesn't work, I give up on live in help. What does your good nanny guide say Uwila? I just ordered a second hand one (book not nanny) from amazon.

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Original poster
majorstress · 11/03/2005 16:03

Well the latest aussie dreamboat seems to have vanished without trace, I guess she isn't interested. It's all very casual on GreatAuPair, such a jolly laugh, it's SO lovely (NOT) reading about all these people's hopes and dreams and aspirations to volunteer in Africa, becoming jolly penpals, having a little chat, then they get bored with the idea and poof they can disappear. Does it occur to them that other people even ancient ones such as myself also might have some aspirations to help society? Meanwhile, the lady at the agency says candidates are very thin on the ground and she feels that opening the doors to a flood of accession state girls without qualifications who expect lots of money for doing nothing has destroyed the industry overnight. It certainly has been a big disappointment to me and made me think again about this choice- I hate to feel I made a mistake sending my little one to a local morning-only Montessori a couple of days a week, I only wanted to give her some extra fun and stimulation, but the cost to me has been exraordinary and I have traded an adequate nursery that looks after her all day so I can work, for 3 hours of super attention, the rest of the day with an idiot, and a SH*%load of stress for me. I gave Inertia some extra babysitting tonight so I can go in to work on my so-called Friday at home, because I was sick yesterday and as a result am falling further behind. Just can't bear to be there right now.

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uwila · 11/03/2005 09:59

I think I may be having second thoughts about this (for your sake). Nanny and I have had some struggles lately.
And, as you can read about them elsewhere in mumsnet, I'll spare you details here. But, basically, they amount to
difficulties in me getting her to follow my instructions rather than her implementing what she believe to be the
true and proper course. This is becoming a real struggle for me in terms of how to manage her. And, as you have
previously pointed out that stern management is perhaps not your strongest skill, I'm not sure if my nanny is the
one fore you. I had a little argument with her this morning when I asked her to ensure that the various toy parts
are put away with there respective toys at the end of the day. She got rather defensive, aggressive even. She
was clearly unhappy with the request. But, I stood my ground, as I do feel that putting the toys away properly at
the end of the day is a reasonable request (it is written in her contract as part of the job description!). Of course
if you want to use her for a few months, I still would rate her as a far cry above little miss inertia from hell.
But I don't want you to take on someone who doesn't suit you, of course.

I know this thread is about your troubles, not mine. But, I didn't want you to read my recent gripes elsewhere on
MN and think I was trying to push her off on you. I do think her good qualities outweigh the bad. But, no nanny
comes trouble free... at least not in my price range. Her good qualities are that she is very reliable, she has
exceptional dedication to nutrition, she takes great interest in educating DD as appropriate to her age. DD loves her.

21stcenturygirl · 10/03/2005 19:40

Glad you signed up - I use 18866 for everything - they tell you how much the call is costing you before they connect you. Good luck - mind you Uwila's proposal sounds really good.

uwila · 10/03/2005 17:19

Majorstress-
I think there is potential deal here. If I was able to completely remove nanny from my payroll, I could take a third month of maternity leave, hence allowing you to have her through August. Of course, there would be lots of stuff to work out, like how many hours you wanted her, how much pay, if she was willing, etc. But, I am having a huge struggle with my proposed 8 week maternity leave and would be be thrilled if this could enable me that extra month of leave.

Of course, if you don't want to do it, that's fine. But, it sounds as if it might be a good thing for both of us. e-mail me if you want to chat about it.

Original poster
majorstress · 10/03/2005 15:12

ok I have signed up with them-I used 1363 but it was still £10 to Lithuania-I think it depends on the counry you're calling which service is best. 1363 is good for USA and Ireland but they have been taken over by someone else now so will have to watch them!

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21stcenturygirl · 10/03/2005 13:32

You must MUST MUST use 18866 to phone them. For Australia its the same as Canada 2p a minute and I spent nearly 2 hours on the phone interviewing our ap - cost me less than £2. Sign up NOW - it's really easy and takes a minute, at the most. My ap does ring home quite a lot using it and our phone bills are still less than £15 a month.

Original poster
majorstress · 10/03/2005 13:15

HIya 21, I did offer her the job but on condition that the refs were ok, I only had one then. I know, I know, I should check the refs on the phone, and I am a bit of a coward, but it is quite dfficult to phone australia because of the time diff, especially when there is usually someone in the house I don't want to overhear me . After she leaves next week I will be on the blower the whole time! (my phone bill for 2 interviews was huge) I will continue checking up in various ways-but it IS rather odd isn't it about the job in Jan? My current one also had some skeleton-in-the-closet jobs which she concealed somehow from DH (he offered to do some phoning back then to "help" me not have a nervous breakdown and has more experience as a manager). He's now been sacked from the search committee. Though he did do well on winkling out admissions of boyfriends on opposite sides of the city (they will quit after one tube journey when they realise it takes all day!). That "Why London?" question is a real key.

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Original poster
majorstress · 10/03/2005 13:03

Uwila thanks for your support in particular-I might yet take you up, but I hope I can get someone at least until Sept or dd2 will be upset. She's still a bit anxious about me-too young to nderstand but a good memory for recent unsettling events! 2 year olds usually hate change I think.

Two months is really short mat leave for this country; I have mixed emotions about my mat leaves (7 and 8 months)-they were way too long from my point of view, but couldn't get nursery places sooner. Glad I didn't try this AP/nanny stuff back then, judging from recent experience!

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21stcenturygirl · 10/03/2005 13:01

Have you followed up the references verbally? If you can't verify them over the phone then I wouldn't offer them the position. Also, have you spoken to her parents/family? Have you asked her why she wants to come to London (always one of my first questions) this might give you an indication of why her plans changed. Must admit does sound a bit suspicious. I also asked them if they were being considered for any other placements.

Original poster
majorstress · 10/03/2005 12:54

Also finally signed up with a local agency, now I have defined the job as Mother's help, and also am trying to find just an ironer for now, if it goes well we will ask her to do more, if the mother's help shows willing to do more with the kids instead of housework. I'd rather they went out and got dirty than the house be clean! Agency seems proactive though I was sort of set on the Brisbane aussie -and I met a new efriend, another working mum nearby who tried Gumtree (no good) and now uses the same agency, which worked for her. I cheekily responded to her ad for and AP to see how she had got on and she was really nice, we kind of share data now! Might all go to the park one day if we are ever off work at the same time.

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