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Original poster

Help with childcare for 5 year old not in school

85 replies

chelseaminx00 · 07/05/2025 06:58

I've had to make the unfortunate decision to remove my son from school, until I can get him into another school I'm a bit stuck for childcare,

I don't work, me and my son have ADHD and I also have bipolar, I need some respite at some point even just 2 hours to go to the gym/ go to appointments that I can't take my son to/uninterrupted study as I'm learning coding, a few days a week, I can't really afford childcare so sticky one

Would also benefit him to still have some social interaction with other children and adults, I do not receive DLA for him as of yet, my parents live far away so isn't an option

Any ideas? Thankyou

OP posts:
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stichguru · 07/05/2025 22:12

Have you got a David Lloyd Gym near you? They aren't cheap but they do have creches and quite a few kids/family activities. I think unfortunately your decision to take your child out of school which is the state provided, free childcare for his age group, means that if you don't want to care for him all the time, you are going to have to pay for someone else to look after him. The other thing would be to see if a local childminder would have him some sessions a week, or pay for baby sitters. I get you pain, and I know of other parents who are struggling with full time home education for a variety of reasons, but I think you are going to have to throw money at this.

LimitedBrightSpots · 07/05/2025 21:36

I think it will ultimately be less stressful for you if you accept that you will have to suspend your ordinary activities (skip the gym, rearrange appointments) until the school issue is resolved and he's back in a school. The reality is that there isn't any cheap, flexible childcare option.

Original poster
chelseaminx00 · 07/05/2025 21:31

Soontobe60 · 07/05/2025 08:27

This is absolutely madness! He needs to be in school. I should imagine that if you’ve suddenly removed him from school there may well be a safeguarding referral already going through. You say the issue is with the school not with your DS, so contact the LA today - school admissions - and get him into another school pronto.

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I've had meetings with the head we are in regular contact and they send work home they completely understand and are doing everything they can currently but honestly even they don't know how to deal with the current situation it's one you'd never wish to come across you know?

OP posts:
123chocolate1 · 07/05/2025 21:28

Could you see if there's a bounce class near you? They are trampoline based cardio to music..it's a lot fun and you can wear wrist weights. A lot of them have child friendly sessions so he'd be able to sit on his tablet and some will let them use the trampoline if you book them a spot

PurpleThistle7 · 07/05/2025 21:24

I think you won’t be allowed to bring him into the actual gym - and actually if your gym allows this I’d be quite concerned about their safety standards! If you want to exercise together you can do that at home- go on a run / bike ride, get some cheap free weights and have him lift cans of soup or similar, do workout videos together. Appreciate you need some time to focus on yourself but I don’t think the gym is the option. Maybe use the iPad time to work on your studies and
brainstorm options to safely exercise with him.

Original poster
chelseaminx00 · 07/05/2025 21:16

User5783457 · 07/05/2025 12:43

The problem is that the OP has significant MH issues and without any more info, nobody can say for sure if the threat to her son's safety is perceived danger or actual danger. Or whether the safety issue is actual physical harm/potential death or something much softer like disagreement about teaching methods or certain staff members.

The actual chances of a 5 year old child being seriously injured in school is vanishingly small. Age definitely plays a role here because serious bullying or physical danger is extremely unlikely amongst 5 year olds compared to teenagers.

As a PP has mentioned, making a school age child sit in the corner of a gym with an iPad and spending every day alone sounds more detrimental to his education and development than attending a few more weeks of his current school until a new school is found. If an effort is underway to find a new school why not just wrap up attending the current one instead of taking him out and expecting options for cheap or free, full-day childcare (?)

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1 hour 2 or 3 days a week is hardly all day or detrimental and he was seriously and irrevocably harmed, this issue will involve police and social services it isn't one to be taken lightly at all, until all this is over I don't know if he will be returning so he is doing schoolwork and homework until then, I just need a bit of respite so I'm not overstretched and feeling overwhelmed what's the difference between him having an hour on his iPad at home on the sofa or in a gym maybe even learning fitness at the same time from his mummy 🤷🏼‍♀️ pe lesson maybe?

OP posts:
Original poster
chelseaminx00 · 07/05/2025 21:11

ChompinCrocodiles · 07/05/2025 12:22

I can't really afford childcare so sticky one

To be frank, you've said it in your op already. I'm not sure what magic answer you're expecting.

If you can't afford childcare (even a teen babysitter will need paying) - then you don't have childcare 🤷‍♀️ Unless of course you do have a friend or neighbour who would do you a favour, for free.

At 6, you can't simply abandon him alone in the foyer of xyz for an hour and just hope he's there when you come back 🥴

Of course I wasnt going to abandon him jheez that'd be nuts I mean have him next to me in the gym

OP posts:
Original poster
chelseaminx00 · 07/05/2025 20:55

BuildbyNumbere · 07/05/2025 11:48

So you’ve removed him from school and are going to sit him in a corner with an iPad while you got to the gym … or you’re expecting what? Government funding for childcare while you do this?? If you’ve taken his out of school you need to school him …. not find childcare while you carry on with your daily life! This situation sounds crazy!

The situation isn't ideal in the slightest I'm just making sure I'm not overwhelmed and I have a break myself so I'm in the best frame for him so I'm seeing if there's help out there, it's an hour a day he'll be playing games on his tablet hardly anything to be upset about the rest of the day he's learning or playing or asking me questions or bouncing off his endless energy, it's alot and it's not easy it's just one thing I want to keep going while I focus every other ounce of energy on making sure he's happy healthy and flourishing

OP posts:
StrivingForSleep · 07/05/2025 20:24

I'm picking up work from the school as well as our own curriculum

So are you not electively home educating? If you aren’t EHE, if DS cannot attend school full-time and is compulsory school age (depends on when he turned 5), the LA is responsible for ensuring he still receives a suitable full-time education. You can request this provision. If DS is unable to attend because of his SEN, this should be in place as soon as it becomes clear 15 days will be missed. These days don’t have to be consecutive. And provision should begin by the sixth day at the latest. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

As well as this, request an EHCNA. IPSEA also has a model letter for this.

Have you applied for DLA?

Have you requested social care assessments? A carer’s assessment (and maybe an assessment of your own needs) for you and an assessment of DS’s needs. On their website, Contact has model letters you can use. Also, look at your local short breaks offer.

DontBeADick11 · 07/05/2025 20:15

User5783457 · 07/05/2025 12:43

The problem is that the OP has significant MH issues and without any more info, nobody can say for sure if the threat to her son's safety is perceived danger or actual danger. Or whether the safety issue is actual physical harm/potential death or something much softer like disagreement about teaching methods or certain staff members.

The actual chances of a 5 year old child being seriously injured in school is vanishingly small. Age definitely plays a role here because serious bullying or physical danger is extremely unlikely amongst 5 year olds compared to teenagers.

As a PP has mentioned, making a school age child sit in the corner of a gym with an iPad and spending every day alone sounds more detrimental to his education and development than attending a few more weeks of his current school until a new school is found. If an effort is underway to find a new school why not just wrap up attending the current one instead of taking him out and expecting options for cheap or free, full-day childcare (?)

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It’s actually none of your business! OP isn’t asking anyone to assess the threat to her DS. She’s asking about childcare options for a very tricky situation. She’s not obligated to give you any information about what’s happened and has already said she can’t. Honestly some people on here need to wind their neck in.

SheilaFentiman · 07/05/2025 17:57

Phoenixfire1988 · 07/05/2025 17:54

You either pay for childcare so you can continue with the gym or you quit until he's back in school there is no magical free option. As parents we make sacrifices and don't get alot if any free time

Edited

It would be better if people didn’t just fixate on the gym. OP also needs time for her medical appointments and coding work and DS needs some external stimulation, ideally with peers. This isn’t some whine about exercise.

Phoenixfire1988 · 07/05/2025 17:54

You either pay for childcare so you can continue with the gym or you quit until he's back in school there is no magical free option. As parents we make sacrifices and don't get alot if any free time

flea101 · 07/05/2025 17:20

I had similar with my 8 year old, couldn’t attend school due to unmet Sen needs. We were seen by the educational welfare team as I didn’t deregister him ( I was pushing the local authority for a school place). I had to provide an education for him, my life was put on hold for 6 months and he was with me constantly. I also have severe mental health issues (schizophrenia) and I got on with it as there isn’t much choice to do otherwise!!! It is hard son has adhd and autism so has his own issues. We managed and he had an education whilst he wasn’t actually in school. I certainly didn’t get an hour to myself to go to the gym!!! I think you need to assess your priorities, my mental health took a massive hit but it had to to keep him going.

minnienono · 07/05/2025 17:06

Op call the lea and ask which schools have placed and get him into school asap. School is where he needs to be, not at a gym on an iPad. Homeschooling is hard work and needs to be approached carefully, not to be taken lightly

SheilaFentiman · 07/05/2025 17:01

Caravaggiouch · 07/05/2025 16:59

That’s true, fair enough. It’s moot anyway since it doesn’t sound like the OP wants to pay for any sort of structured regular childcare which is what a childminder would provide.

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I think, TBF, it will be quite hard to find a CM who would cover a few hours a day, a few days a week, for a few weeks (assuming that the DS will be back at the current or a new school as soon as the issue is resolved/another place becomes available).

Caravaggiouch · 07/05/2025 16:59

SheilaFentiman · 07/05/2025 16:53

Many people have a gym contract that lasts 12 months or whatever, so the money may not be available to re-direct.

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That’s true, fair enough. It’s moot anyway since it doesn’t sound like the OP wants to pay for any sort of structured regular childcare which is what a childminder would provide.

SheilaFentiman · 07/05/2025 16:53

Caravaggiouch · 07/05/2025 16:51

If you’re prepared to stick him on a tablet in the corner at the gym while you pay to use it, use that money to pay for a childminder instead?

Many people have a gym contract that lasts 12 months or whatever, so the money may not be available to re-direct.

Caravaggiouch · 07/05/2025 16:51

If you’re prepared to stick him on a tablet in the corner at the gym while you pay to use it, use that money to pay for a childminder instead?

BoldAmberDuck · 07/05/2025 16:49

Kazzybingbong · 07/05/2025 13:52

What a horrible way to deal with your child’s problems. And what has being five got to do with it?

My daughter was six when her anxiety surrounding school became so bad that she was having a full blown panic attack nightly. We took her out and have never looked back. She’s 8, thriving and happy.

I do wonder when people say crap like this, do they even like their child? You’d be happy to just force them into an environment that they can’t cope with? It’s not your problem, it’s the school’s?

Unbelievably cold and cruel. I’m so glad that I’m not like you. Children end their lives over stuff like this. I couldn’t stand to see my child suffer so we acted on it. I know it’s not as easy for everyone but your attitude of ‘let him get on with it’ is disgraceful.

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He’s 5. It sounds to me more of a mum problem than an actual incident at school

BoldAmberDuck · 07/05/2025 16:48

User5783457 · 07/05/2025 12:43

The problem is that the OP has significant MH issues and without any more info, nobody can say for sure if the threat to her son's safety is perceived danger or actual danger. Or whether the safety issue is actual physical harm/potential death or something much softer like disagreement about teaching methods or certain staff members.

The actual chances of a 5 year old child being seriously injured in school is vanishingly small. Age definitely plays a role here because serious bullying or physical danger is extremely unlikely amongst 5 year olds compared to teenagers.

As a PP has mentioned, making a school age child sit in the corner of a gym with an iPad and spending every day alone sounds more detrimental to his education and development than attending a few more weeks of his current school until a new school is found. If an effort is underway to find a new school why not just wrap up attending the current one instead of taking him out and expecting options for cheap or free, full-day childcare (?)

Show quote history

I agree with every word and this is what I was trying to say too in my smaller message. Send the poor boy to school, it’s not going to him any good isolating!

wingingit1987 · 07/05/2025 14:02

Have you been diagnosed as bipolar? I imagine if you have taken your child out of school with no back up provision then you will likely have had a safe guarding referral already. If not- it sounds like you do urgently need SW input. There is a lot going on here and I think you do need a lot of support.

PurpleThistle7 · 07/05/2025 13:53

Yeah there’s no magic solution here. You need to get him back to school or adjust your life to homeschool appropriately.

Kazzybingbong · 07/05/2025 13:52

BoldAmberDuck · 07/05/2025 11:59

He’s 5, don’t let him rule your life. Send him back to school and the teachers can deal with it

What a horrible way to deal with your child’s problems. And what has being five got to do with it?

My daughter was six when her anxiety surrounding school became so bad that she was having a full blown panic attack nightly. We took her out and have never looked back. She’s 8, thriving and happy.

I do wonder when people say crap like this, do they even like their child? You’d be happy to just force them into an environment that they can’t cope with? It’s not your problem, it’s the school’s?

Unbelievably cold and cruel. I’m so glad that I’m not like you. Children end their lives over stuff like this. I couldn’t stand to see my child suffer so we acted on it. I know it’s not as easy for everyone but your attitude of ‘let him get on with it’ is disgraceful.

CosyLemur · 07/05/2025 13:51

Kazzybingbong · 07/05/2025 13:45

You can do both! Education doesn’t have to be formal. Obviously you can’t spend your days playing tennis and getting your nails done, but you can still live a normal life whilst home educating.

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Yes I know; I know several families who homeschool but none of them prioritise going to the gym while making their child sit in the corner of the gym on their iPad!