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Can I change my mind about nanny’s DD?

31 replies

Namechange87654321 · 26/01/2025 19:51

When I was recruiting my nanny, I didn’t have many to choose from - actually she was the only candidate over a number of months of adverts!

We discussed arrangements over text when we were agreeing things and she did ask me if she could bring her two year old DD in the afternoons. I agreed, even though I was reluctant, as I didn’t want to lose my only candidate.

In reality the toddler doesn’t come every day - it’s more like twice a week, but not on predictable days.

However, it’s really not working for me. The house isn’t set up for toddlers; nothing is toddler proof. It’s noisy when I’m trying to work from home. Stuff is getting moved/messed up and little things bug me, like having to take the spare car seat out of my car whenever I need the last row of seats down (which is almost every weekend - and yes I have asked nanny to take the car seat out every Friday night, but it never happens). Also said toddler has had a rotten stinking cold the last two weeks and I’m now ill (thankfully none of the kids are yet).

Sometimes I have to step out of my study and parent the toddler when my nanny is doing other stuff and hasn’t noticed; eg she’s emptied all the cups out of the kitchen cupboard and is sucking them all one by one and putting them back in the cupboard again, or holding the cat flap open and letting cold air into the house, or pulling all the stuff out of one of the kids’ wardrobes. Or I end up cleaning up toddler-related mess on the kitchen table/tidying toys away in the evenings.

I’m a completely single parent and it’s all the little things adding up and making me feel stressed, but my biggest issue is the noise when I’m trying to work from home (my kids are much older and come home from school and get on with stuff quietly),

It’s not written into her contract that she can bring her DD with her. However, I’m aware that it was agreed in writing, albeit over text. Do you think I have a leg to stand on if I say it’s not working for me any more and to make alternative arrangements? To complicate matters further, my nanny has recently announced her pregnancy, which I know makes changing any working conditions slightly dodgy.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
RedRock41 · 27/01/2025 00:04

You risk a costly pregnancy discrimination claim against you if you object now. Call ACAS or EASS for advice but she is now in the ‘protected period’ as defined under the Equality Act (2010).

Undrugged · 27/01/2025 00:04

What age child or children is she looking after for you?

if yours are older and you’re not actually paying her for full day care then you may have to compromise a bit :/ it’s not a very attractive job proposition.
If on the other hand you are paying her like £35k for full day care then I think the situation is a bit different.

Balloonhearts · 27/01/2025 00:02

Technically you can give her 4 weeks notice of the change in working conditions but honestly she'll probably just leave. It's not like she didn't tell you she needed to bring him, you agreed to it.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 27/01/2025 00:01

I suppose theoretically she could try to go down the constructive dismissal route, but do you think it would occur to her though? You could try the ACAS helpline for advice,

TyneTeas · 26/01/2025 23:59

What do you think her options are??

Wibblywobblybobbly · 26/01/2025 23:58

Well yes, you could change it. But she'll probably leave. Are you okay with that as a result?

Is there anything you can do to make the role more attractive to other candidates in terms of pay, hours etc?