So as the title suggests, I would love some input on my current situation.
A bit of backstory: I have two kids, aged 10 months and just turned 2. I was lucky enough to have my sister-in-law helping me, but as the workload increased and with my return to work approaching, we decided to hire a nanny. It took a while, but we finally found someone, and she started at the beginning of December.
So far, things have been okay. I’ve noticed that my 2-year-old hasn’t fully warmed up to her, but I understand that this might just be her age, and I wanted to give it more time. There are also a few areas where we differ (discipline, for example), but I felt that with clear communication and time, we could work through those differences. The nanny does have many great qualities—she speaks my native language, manages well with both kids, and is generally attentive.
However, an incident on Friday has left me unsure about how to move forward. The nanny decided to take my 10-month-old to visit a friend, who is also a nanny, at a soft play center about an hour’s drive from our house. While we’ve agreed she can take the kids on outings, we live in central London, where there are plenty of baby classes and activities nearby.
That morning, I was out for a while, and when I returned, I checked the monitor to see if my son was napping. The nanny was in his room trying to settle him, but she was doing so quite forcefully. He was clearly distressed and didn’t seem sleepy. She continued to push him down into the cot—at one point even pressing his head—while telling him to go to sleep. She also said, “I haven’t had a moment for myself today.”
Eventually, she left him in the cot to cry and walked out. I don’t believe in the cry-it-out method, so after a few minutes, I went to get him. When the nanny came back, I asked if he had napped. She explained that he had fallen asleep in the car and that they then had napped together in the bed when they got home, but when she tried to transfer him to the cot, he wouldn’t settle, hence he had had enough sleep.
I brought this up with her that evening, and she was very apologetic, assuring me it wouldn’t happen again. However, I’m still struggling with the situation. I’m worried about going back to work, but it also took me so long to find someone I felt was a good fit. Should I trust her and continue to monitor, or is this a red flag I can’t ignore?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.