Ingles2 new AP arrives tomorrow... Hooray!

Glad it's going well Ingles - you deserve a good one!

ingles so glad to hear that things are turning out all right (so far!). I do find with my APs that being under their feet all the time does not show their true colours (well most of them!). And you do have to give them a couple of weeks to settle in.

Simply - I so agree, I would love not to have an AP and I love having the house to myself. Ideally, I would find a job where I could work from home and then everything would be solved.

I've no problems with current AP about food preparation - she spent her first year at college learning all about it (is training to be a baker). She's probably a better cook than me. Mind you, on her questions she never mentioned it (even the cooking one) so it was a nice surprise.

very impressed with how today went, ingles2

I'm trying hard not to feel jealous...and failing! I am pleased that today went well in your household, though.

I'm struggling today with deciding whether to have another ap or to give up work. I feel that there are too many compromises (many of them mine) with having someone living in yet I can't see another ap having the same commitment if she doesn't live here. Hmmmmmm. There's no particular rush for me to decide, anyway.

glad she seems nice, the most important thing is that she gets on with your dc!! tho ironing is a very close 2nd

start as you mean to go on - if you are not happy then tell her, otherwise resentment starts to build up - plus ALL famillies do things different, so what her last family wanted her to do in regards to cleaning etc, could be different from what you want

ingles2, good question about our cooking. I don't know what our aupair makes of it. She is very polite and tells us her mother taught her to always clear her plate - which is what she does. Dh and I do wonder as it can be quite overwhelming for and if she is a conservative eater. We prefer to cook ourselves because we quite enjoy cooking especially as I try my hand at a new dish every week. Hope tomorrow is another step in the right direction for you. It is great to see genuine rapport between your dcs and aupair so soon.

Simply, agree about food preparation. Aupair does not cook but very occasionally I ask her to cut a few vegetables. lol about not getting the timings right. Not easy if they don't cook everyday.

blueshoes That sounds great, thanks. I know it's a long shot. It's interesting that you don't expect cooking from an ap as I didn't expect it, either, but food prep is an important part of the job and I knew that I'd be away with work for nearly a week this month so all the cooking would be down to ap, ds, dd and dh. I taught the ap food prep from the beginning but I don't think you can get someone to understand timings if they aren't that way minded, unfortunately. Dh and ap are culprits of this. Even if they are the first to complain if something is a little over/under cooked i.e. broccoli - ap not dh, he wouldn't dare! Of all of them, ds is best followed by dd but they survived even if I did have to throw away stuff from the fridge when I returned which I'd bought specially. I guess I should've left them a menu plan but they're old enough to work things out for themselves, surely!

ingles2 If your standards are pretty high then Weegles' "I'll show you how I do it" tip is a good one. I think it's easiest to tell someone the first time they do something you don't want them to but you're much more experienced than me with aps. Our ap is touchy about certain nationalities due to historical tensions mostly. Maybe that's why she doesn't go out socialising as we have lots of young people from nationalities she wouldn't expect to get on with living locally?

I hope today has been okay for you, Weegle.

Sorry if this sounds really disjointed. I slept very badly last night and then had a coach and horses driven through my working day due to needing to leave work early, so I don't know where I am atm!

I'm finding these ap threads really useful and supportive. Thanks all!

Weegle, my ex AP hardly smiled at all, when we had our 2 week meeting she told me she was very happy. I pointed out that she was miserable solemn and she countered with, 'I'm just not a very smily person.' (Personally I think she had mental health problems, but I digress...) So perhaps she is just a very serious person?

That's what so weird Ingles - she said that to us, and to our old AP, and now R - yet I swear, hand on heart, I have not seen the girl smile or make a positive comment since she arrived. Weirdy weird.

Ingles - our last AP started off a bit iffy with housework. I said "right I will show you how I like each job done" and literally made her watch me hoover explaining "lift up the sofa cushions, move this chair" etc. And then she was brilliant at it from then on. She also left the floor swimming in water the first time she used the mop, but again I showed her. At least she was upfront and said she didn't have a clue about housework but was willing to learn. I miss her! But it really helped showing her how to clean to my standards!

Hope she works out ok - have you told her about N?!

Simply, current aupair's plans are to stay until end July and then back home to Germany to continue her studies. But I will let you know if I have a sudden change of plans.

Ingles2, glad that overall she seems lovely. Her efforts on the housework front sound a bit dire. Could you find out what cleaning, if any, she did at her previous family - ideally from the previous family. Maybe because there was no mother in her previous family, standards on the housework front were laxer? Do you have the time and patience to show her how to do it? I would lose the will to live if I had to spend more than 2 weeks showing her the ins-and-outs of cleaning. Question is whether she can be trained to improve, which depends on her personal qualities. Cleaning is hardly rocket science, just needs a common sense attitude.

For me, I have worked out that the crucial things I need aupair to do are schoolrun, childcare and then cleaning, in that order of importance. If she cannot do schoolrun, then will be out on her arse. If she cannot do childcare, it would depend on how bad. Maybe I can live without babysitting if she is good at housework. Housework is the most optional of the 3. If she cannot do housework, then I'll see if she can be re-tooled to do cooking (I generally don't expect cooking from aupairs). If not, then maybe consider cutting her hours and pocket money or pad it up with more childcare and get a weekly cleaner.

Having said that, I do wonder about how someone can consider 5 seconds of pushing a hoover and leaving puddles of water on the floor to be cleaning.

Oh I did ingles - once the AP arrived and helped out - a bit stressful before then. But there were plenty of babysitters on hand to help out with ds (he loved the attention). And dds were pretty self-sufficient and went off swimming most days.

My AP used to live in a Asian family, before she came to us. She certainly isn't racist - had lovely things to say about them.

Oh dear, she may be thinking that these are not part of her duties. Some APs do think that they are a Nanny. Could you ask her what cleaning duties she used to do in her old family? Can you do a 2 week trial and see what her strengths/weaknesses are at the end and rearrange her schedule accordingly - if everything else is ok (gets on with LOs)? We ended up doing this with exAP who didn't like DDs, so we rearranged her schedule so that she didn't have to deal with them. Not ideal but the best of a bad situation and at least we were gettting something out of her.

just back from hols - catching up. AP is wonderful - had a dodgy start last week, was ill and couldn't come away with us until later on in the week. I thought oh no here we go again. But she did turn up and made up for it.

It's wonderful to have someone who just does things without even asking. She's a brilliant cook, her english isn't great but she's learning and going to classes. dh isn't too clean on her housekeeping standards but I don't think she's too bad (gosh did I really say that!!). Today was a mad rush for school and she even got up early to help out. old AP would just have a lie-in and not help out.

Re the racist comment, not too good but she might have been used to it from her previous family. If her English isn't too good, it wouldn't surprise me.

Off to catch up on Weegle's happenings...

Hi ingles

Great that you have one, I bet you are relieved.

Not so great about the P word. May just be a cultural/language thing? Perhaps she doesn't realise it is unacceptable due to youth? Perhaps her English isn't as good as it seems and she just didn't know an alternative?

I hope she settles well and the childens lover her.

I am no further on and am horrified by poor Weegle's (I hope I've remembered correctly) tale of woe, sounds exactly like my old French AP Is she near us/local?

Ooops, I forgot to say that I hope it's going well for you so far "ingles2".

blueshoes It's a long shot but if you don't need your ap at any time but it's too early for her to go home, could you give me a shout, please? I'm glad you've got an ap you're really happy with. It is stories like that which make me feel it's worth doing it again.

Wishing you all the best with your new aupair, ingles2. I have a German aupair as well, and she is fab. She was as nice as she seemed before I met her.