Nanny wants husband to occasionally join for days out

Maybe because she is a live in nanny and they talk about me sometimes. I’ve done it twice. Two families. With the parents’ blessing. Unlikely to do it with her current family as they have little interest.

The important thing here is that the parents are comfortable and that they and the nanny are on the same page.

I don’t think this is the big deal you think it is.

You are absolutely within your rights to say that you don’t feel comfortable with her husband joining her for days out. Just make it clear.

In nannying the relationship between the nanny and the employer can sometimes become very close and it may have been usual for the husband to join in with things like Christmas drinks as well as outings with the children. When I was a nanny one employer regularly invited me and my then boyfriend to join family events. We all got on well and it was fun. Not every relationship is like this nor expected to be, but it’s not that unknown.

I wouldn't employ her now. She's casually mentioned this, which means she sees it as OK. It's incredibly unprofessional. She seems to have difficulties with boundaries, which really doesn't bode well. What happens when she wants a friend to tag along? Her friend's husband? It's a job, ffs, not a family outing.

Go to an agency - it would be so much easier to deal with this sort of thing via them.

I wouldn't be happy with her just bringing him along for a day trip with dd.

However....

It's very common for childminders and Nannys to meet with other people who have charges the same age or who enjoy the same activities.

There's often forums to arrange these between local childcare people.

So you all arrange to meet at park at 10am, have a picnic lunch etc.

It's good for the child's social development if nothing else.

If she'd said - I have a 2yo myself and wanted to know how you feel about us taking dd and her out - my DH would come - I don't think I'd be bothered by that.

100% no for all the reasons set out above

There's no way I'd allow my nanny to have other adults around my children unless the other adults were other childminders/nannies with there children.no one else should be involved

Why would her charges want to meet you?

This is bizarre. My kids have never expressed any interest in meeting our nanny’s family, or indeed the mums of anyone they meet, at least not voluntarily/without being prompted.

Sounds like your DD just fancies a bit of help and company on the days out and has probably primed the kids by telling them about you in advance. It’s good you ask the parents permission. I’m not sure id give it in this scenario.

Well, you and I have very different experiences then.

No. She is employed in a professional capacity by you and is working when she is caring for your child. Nursery workers don't all bring their husband or wives to the nursery with them.

Sorry that wasn't particularly helpful@tokajlover I wasn't implying you were looking for the cheapest solution. I was just reminded of a thread where peeps were saying how ridiculous it is to employ a Norland nanny.
In your case I would absolutely reconsider employing this person, something is not right.

Ha ha ha. If only this were true. I know loads of Norland nannies who hang out with their partners during working hours

Have you actually spoken to her referees? I’d contact them again and ask if her husband did this with them.

Then I would tell the nanny that under no circumstances can her husband accompany her carrying out her duties to you and your child. 100% non negotiable.

Like you, it concerns me that she would think that this is acceptable to begin with!

My DD is a nanny. About once a year I might join her and her charges on an outing for 2-3 hours - because they want to meet her mum. However, we only do this with the explicit agreement of the parents.

DH on days out would be a flat no from me. Play dates and outings with other nannies are okay - as long as they are still interacting appropriately with the children.

No. This is daft.

@tokajlover is a boss and needs to act it. Not be too scared to end a contract so gives in.

Unless he happens to also be a nanny, and they'd do day trips together with the children (as many friends might), then it's weird. But that's pretty unlikely and I'm sure she'd mention it if that was the situation.

I wouldn't have a problem personally with then briefly seeing eachother during the day, depending on the circumstances. Say if he'd forgotten his keys, or he needed to pass her something. And if that happened to mean the ice in a blue moon coffee together out, I'd be pretty chilled about it. Day trips is a total different matter and weird though.

If she is taking your DC for a day out as part of her job, why does she think it is okay to take her husband? Next job interview/appraisal, perhaps my husband should casually mention he’ll be taking me to board meetings?

Sorry, but in a childminding environment or any childcare arrangement (ex childminder, guider/scout-leader here), any adult in the childcare setting (ie a DH WFH) would be required to have an enhanced DBS and, even then, parents need to give consent. She should know this.

I would have my employers meet my boyfriend, then fiancé, etc but only once they were home from work. If I was babysitting they were fine with him coming a bit early to pick me up but there would have been no him coming along to days out. He wouldn't be there the whole time I was babysitting either. He was never with me and the dc until they had met him and said he could come.

She hasn't asked. She's telling you.

Tell her no and start looking for someone new when she objects.

See, this is why people pay top dollar for Norland nannies, never having to worry about WTF things like this.
As you were.

If you don’t feel comfortable ending the contract now, why you tell her that you would like to meet her husband and get to know him before he joins your LO and his wife on days out.
If she makes it clear that you misunderstood you could go from there.

We’ve had nannies for years and I think this is completely inappropriate.

Our nanny often meets up with other nannies but I don’t mind this as the children socialise together. I would not allow a nanny to meet up with child free friends when she is supposed to be looking after my kids, never mind her husband.

I hate to say it but absolute worst case he has groomed her to provide access to children for him.

I think you need to raise it with her to check you didn’t hear/misunderstand, and decide by her reaction how you want to deal
with it. Im afraid the trust would probably be gone for me as I’d be questioning her professionalism and judgment.

No way, this is not standard practice. It's an odd request.