Nanny wants husband to occasionally join for days out

Then just say no @tokajlover . I know people who do it and it's fine, but as we know that's not always the case.

The most important thing is your child's safety and if you feel this nanny won't provide that, then end it.

You were unsure but have only engaged with similar minded people on here, which shows you've made up your mind on her not being the right fit, so tell her & find a new nanny.

As a nanny myself, the only people I meet up with during my working day are other Nannies/parents/grandparents with children of a similar age to my charge. The focus should be on what’s best for the child and how to enhance their day in positive ways

i have never met up with my friends/family that don’t benefit my work family. It’s odd for her to have even suggested this

This 👌

@tokajlover I completely agree with you. My only advice is to pull the plug immediately, and look for another nanny. Take the hit now. You're never going to be comfortable with this one.

She knows herself that its not okay, otherwise why did she leave it till she secured the job before casually dropping it into the conversation? I would be extremely wary of her, she sounds a bit sneaky!

@tokajlover absolutely spot on op.
It's underhand slipping something in at the last minute n this way, and given your conversations with her I would put money on it she knows it and is banking on you being over a barrel.

I would never do this, it would feel all kinds of wrong and frankly unprofessional.

There is no need for her to see her husband during her working hours. Nannying your child is a job like any other where you get paid to work. I would have a chat with her about what she plans to be doing with your kid on daily level and then remind her that as per your convo about safeguarding no other person can have access to your child (including her husband) but meet ups with other nannies with kids in a park is ok as long as she is looking after her at all times and not getting carried away chatting with the others.

Our childminder would take my kids for days out with her kids and husband in school holidays. My kids looked at her children as cousins and husband as an uncle almost. They were very happy with her and the family. Husband had been DBS checked. Kids were similar ages. I didn't see the problem as I liked that it was a home from home, and the family set up.

You definitely need to have a conversation with her but open it in a way so that she doesn't immediately feel you are against the idea so backtracks out of it. The worry is with a child so young, she will just meet with him anyway!

Such as 'hi. You mentioned yesterday that you would like me to meet your partner?' she should then go on and explain herself further. At that point you can say that your expectations are out of line and it would probably be better to part ways. If that's what you want of course?

From bitter first hand experience I'd say listen to your gut xx

You need to speak with her. The relationship should be about honesty.

I also thought you meant your husband and couldn’t decide if it was weird or not 😂

I’m not saying that a nanny is a poor choice - but there should be no need to worry about nanny’s comment that she’ll be meeting up with her husband. The only response is no, that won’t be happening if you want me to employ you.

Sorry for this situation OP. I think you need to nip this in the bud and find an alternative childcare method. It's definitely not something I would be comfortable with.
Would you have a nursery nearby? For an only child like yours it is fantastic for their social skills, it's great for them to get used to being around their peers before they start school. You could trial it and see how it goes. I've done both (nanny & nursery) and like you I had a niggle about the nanny from the start. I was wfh and could hear her being quite cross and short with dcs. As a pp said everyone is on their best behaviour at the start.
You have a better dynamic at a nursery imo as there are so many staff members. They would be called out on any unprofessional issues. I find they learn so many social skills from being around other kids. The drawback is a lot of illness but it will settle. Of course a good nanny is worth their weight in gold too if you can find another. Good luck in your decision.

Yore doing it all wrong if you think nannying is a "boring job."

I would not be happy about this at all. My nannies would take the children out and socialise with other nannies with the children playing together and I was okay with that. Nobody ever suggested a partner going out on outings with the nanny.

I did regularly hire a nanny mid-winter to live in for 10 days or so when my husband and I went on our winter break to somewhere warm. When the children were little my mother would stay in the house with the nanny. When they were older we had the nanny live in on her own and she'd get the children off to school and pick them up from after school care and get them dinner etc. She had her teenage son over once when they had fish and chips one Friday. This didn't disturb me at all as the children were much older than 2 years old and able to look after themselves. The nanny also came from a nanny agency which had very strict rules. The children had nothing but good memories about their time with this nanny.

I did have one nanny who we had finish up sooner than she other would have done. I discovered among other things that she had been getting the baby out of the car and putting the capsule down on the road by the wheel on the street side of the back wheel wheel while she got the toddler out. This was on a semi blind corner. My neighbour told me and I was chilled to the marrow about what could have happened. She also introduced my older child to a whole lot of sugary junk that I had forbidden and she was not there where I sat with him getting three fillings in his teeth because it turned out he had some soft spots in the enamel despite regular tooth cleaning. There were other issues as well. She was actually professionally qualified too

By the way, beware the phrase, "She was very good with the children". In my experience this was code for coming home to a house in complete disarray. One of my friends got one of these nannies and after a long day in a stressful job she came home to a house in such a mess that she didn't know what to start to tidy up first. You want them to tidy up as they go - keep the kitchen tidy, toys tidied away as appropriate and so on. Ideally they will not feed a toddler vegetable puree while sitting on cream sofa either.

I think it’s a great idea as long as he’s vetted. Nanny needs a bathroom break, prepare lunch, there’s another pair of eyes on the LO, especially in a park setting.

There have been a countless number of news stories where nursery staff abused and neglected children. I don't want to get into a nursery v nanny discussion as this thread is not the place for that but the OP has obviously researched and concluded her child would be better off with the stability of having a one to one relationship with one person who would give them their undivided attention in the comfort of the child's own home.

That's concerning. I would wonder if she intends to bring your child to her home during the day where herself and her husband can potter about together, potentially neglecting your DD.

She has a bit of a neck to suggest he'll be involved at all. At the very least, I'd say absolutely not to the meet ups. Or I might start looking about for a replacement.

Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t that bad?

Nannying is a boring job, hence all the nanny meet ups. She’s an experienced nanny. She has a retired, probably bored, husband who she trusts having bought up children together. I can’t see that doing fun stuff together with your dc is that bad an idea They are hardly young loves dream who will be so absorbed in each other, they’ll neglect your dd.

Shes asked, you’ve said no. I can’t see a problem as long as she respects that answer.

I think it’s fine for nanny’s to meet others when they have the kids… when I was a sahm my friend had a nanny for her kids and she asked me to meet with her nanny to keep her company, as it can be lonely looking after kids all day.

She can’t possibly assess the risks as she has no idea of his background. He is not a childminder therefore he should not be minding anyone’s children. It’s inappropriate of the nanny to ask such a thing and opens a whole can of issues

Plenty of women are married to paedophiles, knowingly as well as unknowing.

Concerning lack of judgement, risk to your child's safety and highly likely her husband is controlling.

@FlipFlopVibe not really, as the next steps I suggest would help her judge the risks

@tokajlover , I've experienced this and it worked well.

In my experience, the man was introduced as they were one of those couples that spend a lot of time together.
Which sounds similar esp if retired and he'd otherwise not do anything on his own.

The man was trustworthy/ trusted to the point of filling in for the nanny when she was ill.

I also know of people who take their charges all over without the parents knowing.

The fact that she's asked first would mean she isn't wanting to deceive you.

You could ask for him to be DBS checked etc if it helps.

the person I know doesn't particularly love kids but goes along to help his wife.

It has to be someone you trust though and only if you feel comfortable.