Nanny wants husband to occasionally join for days out

Based on your update, she is backtracking.

Personally I think you know what she said. Trust your instinct.

No, no and a world of no. This is highly inappropriate. I'd be terminating the contract and be going to an agency. It was not a proper thing to ask. It would be like me asking if I could bring my husband along when I'm teaching.

@Greategret
By the way, beware the phrase, "She was very good with the children". In my experience this was code for coming home to a house in complete disarray.

It's not mutually exclusive though. Same as some parents who keep a tidy home and some who don't.

No, absolutely not. It makes your child an irritating add on to Nanny and husband's day out!
You are paying for a service, and no, she cannot bring another person along - it alters the whole vibe. It's like going on holiday with your friend and she wants to bring her husband along!
'Don't mind the man standing behind my till/desk, it's just my husband...'
It's a job, not a favour she's doing you.
Now that you know she has this in mind, will you trust her?

Sorry haven’t RTFT but just a quick one - I am always on the alert for the “almost off the cuff” points - they are often the most important part of the entire discussion and are thrown in to stop that being recognised. I’ve done it myself (often) on negotiations on transactions and sometimes it’s spotted, sometimes not. She likely knows it’s very odd hence the way it was said, and also if it was genuinely mentioned as if it were fine (which everyone including she knows isn’t the case) then there may be something going on, eg he’s sick, she has other things she needs to do eg study, baking cakes for sale on the side - who knows! - I would spend all my energy understanding exactly what this means in terms of why, when, where, what is she/he doing, and basically why on earth this is even being discussed with you. X

Just tell the nanny this makes you
Uncomfortable and in any case you don't think there will be time for her to meet up with her partner given the play dates and toddler classes you are expecting her to be involved in with your charges - with other Nannies.
obviously it is something that can be discussed down the road but not right now.

And then leave it at that and see if she really does fit your family.

It’s entirely your choice whether to allow this but it’s not as unusual as some people are suggesting for a family to allow interaction with a nanny’s family.

We’ve got 3 children with 10 year age gap between oldest and youngest and have had 4 nannies over that period.

Nanny 1 with us for 10 years. From a different culture and her parents used to invite our oldest 2 to join them for a celebration meal once a year (in a restaurant). This nanny was married and when she had been working for us for a few years, we were able to go away overnight on a couple of occasions with her and her husband looking after the kids for us.

Nanny 2 and 3 were shorter term and we had no contact with their family

Last nanny was with us for 4 years and introduced us to her parents quite early on - both worked in childcare settings. When the nanny took her holiday or was ill, one of her parents would provide cover for her (with our knowledge and consent) which worked really well for us.

I think she's probably taking a view that you trust her with your child and therefore trust her judgement in all areas regarding your child's care.
I wouldn't like it or agree to it either. I would say no, but it does sour the relationship and of course, you would have to trust that she's respecting your decision and not doing it anyway .

I wouldn't employ her. I'd want a nanny with good judgement.

Find another nanny sharpish and do not hire her for even 1 day.

People often do meet their spouses and partners for lunch. I've also known people take their spouse on business trips (at own cost of course). Also, office work is 7-8 hours and nannying hours are often longer.

I used to be a nanny before I had my own children. I lived 4 houses down from my charges, I would never ever dream of letting my boyfriend joining us for the day! Or anyone who wasn't a nanny.
After about 4 years of working for them, they'd met my boyfriend twice, forgotten keys and mobile phone.

I personally would never feel comfortable hiring someone who said this either, you'd never feel comfortable ever.

What a nasty reply

Oh and please don't fill the thread quoting the full OP

Good god no! Totally agree with you and even if you took her on telling her no husband. Could you ever trust her?

Nope nope nope.

She was manipulative and sly, telling you a month before she starts.

I can't think why she needs to meet her husband during the working day. He's retired you say and so probably bored and looking for something to do, but that's not your problem.

They'd end up spending the time doing things that interest them, rather than say soft play, or meet-ups with other nannies.

Nannies will socialise with people while they’re caring for your child. You would hope so. Such as taking your child to play groups, maybe activities such a a tumble tots if music group. Also playing in the park. It is great for them to make friends with other Nannie’s in your area and planned dates

Socialising is an important part of your child’s development

that being said, planning days out with her husband is not the same thing. You’re within reasonableness to say that this makes you uncomfortable and you’d be concerned her ducts would not be in your child and you’d prefer that this does not happen while she is taking care of your child.

Those are like military, aren't they? But only very wealthy can afford them.

My brothers ex was a nanny. He sometimes joined them for days out (with the parents permission). I don’t know how it came about - I assume he had met the parents before the kids and they liked him. His ex had been their nanny for a while before he was on the scene though. He loves kids and the kids loved him so it worked out well.

Presumably she has formal DBS check has he?

This seems fine as those nannies would be vetted, and there's a clear benefit as the kids can play together etc. Especially as OP's child isn't going to a nursery.

That's definitely weird. I worked as a live in au pair for a while, in an annex to their house, and my partner was allowed to visit at the weekend - I usually didn't work weekends, occasionally I did look after the kids on a weekend evening and he'd be there, but they'd be asleep. Different situation though!

We used nannies, nurseries, and au pairs over the years.

If your daughter is two and it's not that many hours, honestly you will have a lot less aggro going down the nursery route. Our lives were by far the most stable when this was our main form of childcare but we did have good options nearby in our area.

Our last nanny was fantastic in terms of caring for the children and keeping the house in order but even pulled stunts like ringing me at work to tell me her husband had been let go and she needed additional hours. When I said that I'd be happy to help her find some through friends, etc she goes: No, I'm planning to rely on my existing employers (as in us and the family in the share.) She was basically calling to inform me what she needed from us. I had to explain that no, that wouldn't be possible, we had to stick to our current arrangement. OMG!

Nope, not OK!

As a former nanny, I did used to meet up with other nannies and their charges, go to each others places of work for lunch, play dates, visits to the park. I also used to accompany mycharges to various activities. All this would be quite normal, but I can't recall any of my nanny friends including a partner in any of the daily activities.