Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

me too, i find it hard to believe a parent would watch a paid childcarer force feed their child until they vmonited and not fire them on the spot, never mind keep them on for another 5 months.

OMG - reading the op just makes me want to cry.

Why the fuck have you still got this person looking after your children. you say it has been happeneing for over 2 months. You let your youngest stay in a situation you are not happy with

I cant believe your dh didnt say anything about the nanny force feeding your child - that behaviour is so unappropiate and personally think should have been sacked that moment at the very least given a formal warning.

How could you possibly think of leaving your children with this horrible man for ANOTHER 3 months

Can you ask your older children what your nanny is like to your youngest?

Dismiss NOW pay notice if you have to, and get a temp nanny in or take time off work for a week and sort out your childcare situation.

Your youngest is trying their best to tell you that the situation is not right!!

I read the OP this morning, and had the same reservations as Bink.

Bink - I thought the OP was curious but I couldn't think why someone would post a story like this if it were untrue.

What are your suspicions?

sack him. Yes it may make life difficult till you get sorted, but small sacriface for your dc. They have to come first

If this is real. Feel sick for your poor dd. If she is that frightened and this behaviour is out of character for her why aren't you doing something about it. even if its difficult isn't her welfare more important?

Possiblyparanoid - where in the world are you? Could help to know, for employment legislation purposes. You posted at 3am, so you may not be in the UK (unless you are a bad sleeper).
You are the boss, so what you says goes. Can you not tell your nanny to chill out a bit and not to enforce rules. You should be the one determining the rules, not the nanny. Certainly if nanny has views on certain things, that can be discussed and you could come to an agreement - so for example, if a child gets down from the dinner table, their dinner time is over. The impression I am getting is that your nanny is firmer than you are, at enforcing rules, which is all well and good, as long as you agree with those rules.
Force feeding a child to the point they are sick is unnecessary. Children eat what they want, when they want. Force feeding won't help to get them to eat better. There is a difference between a child spitting something out and being sick... when trying new food, children will often spit it out. Does your partner feel that it was force feeding, or just trying to get the child to taste something, which resulted in the child spitting it out?
The nanny should have offered an explanation as to what was occurring - if they had been asked. Were they actually asked?
Sounds like there are issues between nanny and your DD, that needs to be sorted out quickly... either by finding alternative childcare (daycare perhaps) or by having a good chat with the nanny making it clear that you are not happy with their conduct (make it a formal warning). Under most contracts you can terminate by paying in lieu of notice. While you may not like the idea of paying someone to leave... it can be the easy way out. To dismiss someone you will need to go through disciplinary process, and have sufficient evidence.

Not commenting on the original issue but if you are considering installing a nanny cam you MUST tell your nanny and anyone else who may reasonably be filmed. It's illegal to do it behind their back.

I think you are right. Just reread the op. None would leave their kids with this person.

Oh ok, I'd only skimmed, you're right Bink.

Stop feeding the troll people. Bet OP comes and gets all offended now. Would be typical.

bink i think im with you.......the first sight of someone forcefeeding my dc would be bye bye

Sad thing is I think things can get this bad without a parent doing anything. I've seen parents walk out of a room when a nanny is bellowing at their children.

I'd ask to talk

I'd say "Please can you explain why my child is exhibiting such fear of you? Run me through your daily routine. We are extremely concerned"

I'd also consider installing some form of nanny cam / get a friend to spy / come home unexpectedly for a couple of days

i had an aupair, my first, wheen i had a 1yo and a baby. i was sahm but she kind of played mothers help... and extra pair of hands.
she started out well, was v nice etc.
but as time went on she got less and less interested in the dc (or less good at feigning interest) and more and more selfish/bullying towards me more than the dc.
she started doing things like going to run their bath earlier and earlier to get them out the way and her 'off duty'... i would go up with the dc to do the bathing and there would be 2 inches of barely lukewarm water coz she couldnt be arsed to wait for it to run properly. there are other things but not really relevent to this.
because of the way it started gradually it was a while before i even realised she was being out of order.
so i understand how this could have come about gradually.
BUT this situation has now gotten WAY out of hand, and you need to get this guy out of your children's lives IMMEDIATELY. imo.

Bink - I am very suspicious too!

Never done this before - but - I don't think this is a legitimate post.

If it is legit, then PP needs to come back & tell us what the contract says about maltreatment & that she has given this person notice. As there is no other solution.

(For interest, suspicion is raised by - careful non-identification of the nanny's gender in original post, so that it is "revealed" controversially in subsequent post; and that thing about the child wanting its clothes on when the nanny arrives, which reads to me like setting the scene for suspicions of abuse activity.)

Also, as a longterm reader of nanny problem threads, things just don't get this bad with the parents being this passive. So, you who are feeling upset, don't. IMO.

sorry, but would fire him. Can you speak to the older children and see if they can give you an idea of whats happening when your not there
Im sorry a child begging to go to bed, or to get dressed is worrying, let alone forcefeeding till shes sick.
Where are you in UK? have you not got a friend that can help?

This thread has made me so unhappy. I really dont get it at all.

Sorry but how on earth could your partner have watched whilst his 21/2 year old was force fed till she was sick?

Why on earth are you still letting the nanny look after your children. I'd have sacked them on the spot and marched them out of the house.

sued? sued??

anyone who is mistreating my dc can take any legal advice they like, but they can do it off of my property and away from my dc.

if your children are terrified of the nanny, it has undoubtably become an unworkable situation. there is no judge in the land who would enforce you keeping this person in contact with your dc.

and when you fire him, fgs do not consent to giving a reference. if there is a nanny agency, i think you should call and speak to them about him too.

I would be worried about her asking to put her clothes on if the nanny is there - this is the thing that would set alarm bells ringing for me.

Also if I saw someone force feeding my child sod work they would be out of there in the blink of an eye.

You are the parent here - you make the decisions and can't be afraid to speak up for what is right!

Have you asked your youngest why she is afraid of him?

am filled with horror on behalf of the child.

PLEASE do not leave her with this person again.

i am with soapy and nannyL on this - wtf are you thinking??

That nanny is a bastard and needs firing imo.

Having said that, I appreciate it's much easier said than done, so your real question is how to fire the nanny without upsetting the children overly, and how to do it without getting sued, and how to find a replacement asap.

You could start by sitting down and giving a formal verbal warning (if that's the disciplinary procedure set out in your contract) with an understanding that the nanny is on thin ice? Though I do think the force-feeding until a child is sick is reason enough.

I also have a concern that the nanny has his eyes on the end of the job, and has got a bit sloppy and uncaring. Line up a replacement or arrange some parental leave asap.

Good grief - are you quite mad?

Why on earth would you continue to employ someone like this?

What did you say when you witnessed the food forcing episode? If it had happened in my house then the nanny would have been off the premises with P45 in hand within 30 seconds!

At what point do you intend to put your child's needs first?

Agree with others, this can't go on, fire him, it's gross misconduct forcing a child to eat until they're sick, how bloody vile.