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Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

215 replies

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 03:16

I'm in a really awkward situation. We have had our nanny almost a year and have 3 children, the eldest two are fine with the nanny but have said nanny has become quite strict. The youngest who is 2.5 has for the last couple of months become increasingly upset when the nanny comes. She will start crying when she hears the nanny's voice and has gone from clinging to us and crying, and most recently saying "no not (nannys name)" when nanny arrives to begging to go to bed, even twice has tearfully asked to put clothes on if the nanny has come whilst getting dressed, and once at a meal time had got down from the table but ran back to it and started eating when the nanny arrived.

My partner watched the nanny force food into her mouth last week until she was sick - but stupidly didnt say anything and this week when the nanny arrived I said that the baby really didnt seem to like them at the mo but didnt understand why - the nanny looked uncomfortable but offered no explanation. I have heard the nanny shouting at her on serveral occassions.

It has gotten to the point where we feel terrible leaving our daughter alone with the nanny particularly as the elder 2 are often not around.

The nanny is leaving us in 3 months but I dont think I can cope with seeing our little one so distressed during this time. She is normally so happy, playful & sociable and loves her other babysitter but is totally different when the nanny is here, she seems withdrawn.

My hubby & I have spent the last 2 months saying to each other not to jump to conclusions but something is seriously wrong here. Has anyone got any advice? I have to give one months notice to end contact but wouldn't even know what to say.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
busymum1 · 12/04/2008 19:19

If your nanny came via an agency etc is there a number to contact them did your older children tell you something even more worrying? you said gross misconduct too vague?

NotABanana · 12/04/2008 19:18

Gross misconduct covers a lot of things and each and every individual possibility isn't listed.

I would ring him now, say you don't wish him to come back as he force fed your child and let him try and sue you for £.

flowerybeanbag · 12/04/2008 19:16

I'm going to say it once more then leave the thread.

Just dismiss him. Pay him his notice. It doesn't matter whether it's gross misconduct or not, it doesn't matter if you follow a procedure or not.

He's only been there 7 months. He has no right to claim unfair dismissal if you don't follow a procedure or if he thinks you are not justified in dismissing him.

The end, I'm off, can't repeat myself any more.

If for some reason you don't think I know what I am talking about, feel free to check my profile and do a search against my name on Employment.

Or you could waste time and money taking legal advice which would be exactly the same.

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:01

Works out as 7 months employment. do I need to pay holiday on the extra month tho?

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Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 18:54

yes does cover for gross misconduct and says employer is entitled to dismiss the nanny without notice or pay in lieu of notice, if the nanny has committed an act of gross misconduct - but as pointed out DH did not suspend him there and then etc. Mind you I suppose could be argued that DH is not his employer, I am.

Contract is only 3 pages long, in the termination paragraph it states either party must give one months calender notice in writing to terminate this agreement.

My gross misconduct is said to include: theft, drunkeness, illegal drug taking, use of physical punishment, child abuse.

Yikes something serious has just come to my attention from one of my older children, think I do need to get some legal advice, as still gross lisconduct too vague.

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flowerybeanbag · 12/04/2008 18:49

I know there are people talking about tribunals and gross misconduct or whatever, but you really don't need to worry about that at this stage, unless he's been with you 11.5 months or something.

flowerybeanbag · 12/04/2008 18:48

possibly trust me you don't have to follow a disciplinary process before a year because there's nothing he can do about it if you don't - he has no right to claim unfair dismissal this early on.

Just pay him his month's notice or however long the contract says and dismiss him immediately.

CrushWithEyeliner · 12/04/2008 18:45

Wow I have just seen your OP. How different we are - I would have been hysterical and kicking his arse out of my front door, if my DD had witnessed someone force feeding my child until they were sick, well, I think he may be in Prison by now.
I think you are very a calm, measured person and in will probably go in your favour in this situation. But please to God be honest in your references for this man so he cannot go on to torture another child.

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 18:42

Just read thro the bestbear and link nannynick posted and it would appear to be dodgy ground to do dismissal without following disciplinary process, so pay in lieu of notice it has to be.

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NotABanana · 12/04/2008 18:35

I don't see why he can't be sacked for force feeding just because the dad didn't say anything immediately. You needed time to talk it over and this is what you have decided.

I was giving a load of tosh when I was giving notice from a job during the notice period and I would have had more respect for the mother is she had been honest. (She found out I had been in care and gave me notice for it)

nannynick · 12/04/2008 18:32

But the gross misconduct section may not state: forcing a child to eat.
Therefore it would need to fall under some other catch-all - which could then be argued at a tribunal.

imananny · 12/04/2008 18:31

if what he was was that wrongs (and agree it was) then DH SHOULD of said something at the time, but didnt, so if the beahaviour was THAT bad, he should of said something then - iyswim

imananny · 12/04/2008 18:30

but cant be done for gross misconduct as DH was there and didnt say anything

NotABanana · 12/04/2008 18:29

I don't get this.

Surely you have immediate dismissal for gross misconduct in the contract?

imananny · 12/04/2008 18:27

guess depend how it is worded in contract

if just says both will give 4 weeks notice, then not a problem as long as pay for 4 weeks,doesnt matter if you dont want the nanny to work the four weeks

does that make sense?

DarthVader · 12/04/2008 18:25

Suspend on full pay and take legal advice?

imananny · 12/04/2008 18:24

you cant make a nanny redundant IF job is still there, but you can dismiss them, and if you also pay notice as in contract, tech they wont have a leg to stand on (flowerbeanbag said it better)

you have to be in a job for 2 years before redundancy kicks in

happy hunting

Twiglett · 12/04/2008 18:19

I don't think you can make someone redundant if the job is still there

you'd have to dismiss wouldn't you?

NotABanana · 12/04/2008 18:18

You aren't making your nanny redundant though are you? You are sacking him for being mean to your child.

flowerybeanbag · 12/04/2008 18:18

If he's been with you less than a year you don't have to follow a process, all you would have to do is pay him his notice. You don't even have to give a reason if you don't want to.

Before a year he has no right to claim unfair dismissal unless it's some kind of discrimination, which it wouldn't be. So it doesn't matter whether it's gross misconduct and it doesn't matter that the incident wasn't dealt with at the time, he can't complain unless you don't pay him his notice.

DarthVader · 12/04/2008 18:17

Don't let this person look after your child for even one more day.

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 18:17

Yes that's true, world would be a boring place if we all thought the same way!

I'm going to use the other babysitter I think and try and talk to a relative who live about an hour away to see if they can help me at all. If needs be will take a few odd days off.

I will start advertising for another nanny I think but just had a thought, if I was to make nanny redundant and it was under a year would I have to pay? Obviuosly you cant make someone redundant and then replace them but maybe a relative would be different??

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imananny · 12/04/2008 18:11

glad i was helpful and sorry that some of the comments werent helpful, but guess on a board like mumsnett, people will always disagree

main thing is that the nanny wont be coming back

so PP

what are you going to do about childcare next week, assume the older 2 will be off school?

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 18:09

Yes missiesparkles just reading my contract and it's under misconduct on mine.

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NotABanana · 12/04/2008 17:53

Fair enough.

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