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Very worried about child with nanny - any advice? Long post!!

215 replies

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 03:16

I'm in a really awkward situation. We have had our nanny almost a year and have 3 children, the eldest two are fine with the nanny but have said nanny has become quite strict. The youngest who is 2.5 has for the last couple of months become increasingly upset when the nanny comes. She will start crying when she hears the nanny's voice and has gone from clinging to us and crying, and most recently saying "no not (nannys name)" when nanny arrives to begging to go to bed, even twice has tearfully asked to put clothes on if the nanny has come whilst getting dressed, and once at a meal time had got down from the table but ran back to it and started eating when the nanny arrived.

My partner watched the nanny force food into her mouth last week until she was sick - but stupidly didnt say anything and this week when the nanny arrived I said that the baby really didnt seem to like them at the mo but didnt understand why - the nanny looked uncomfortable but offered no explanation. I have heard the nanny shouting at her on serveral occassions.

It has gotten to the point where we feel terrible leaving our daughter alone with the nanny particularly as the elder 2 are often not around.

The nanny is leaving us in 3 months but I dont think I can cope with seeing our little one so distressed during this time. She is normally so happy, playful & sociable and loves her other babysitter but is totally different when the nanny is here, she seems withdrawn.

My hubby & I have spent the last 2 months saying to each other not to jump to conclusions but something is seriously wrong here. Has anyone got any advice? I have to give one months notice to end contact but wouldn't even know what to say.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
nannyL · 13/04/2008 08:35

Im sure there is now LAW in this country that allows children to be abused, or that would let you be sued for not allowing youre own child to be abused

nannynick · 13/04/2008 00:49

I do not advise that you go down the Gross Misconduct route. While there may be sufficient grounds (given the medication situation) it could get nasty. While it may seem wrong to pay someone off, it happens in a lot of cases. You don't want to start involving solicitors and the such, costs will spiral and the outcome could be the same.

As flowerybeanbag wrote
"Just dismiss him. Pay him his notice. It doesn't matter whether it's gross misconduct or not, it doesn't matter if you follow a procedure or not. He's only been there 7 months. He has no right to claim unfair dismissal if you don't follow a procedure or if he thinks you are not justified in dismissing him."

You want the situation to go away as fast as possible... this is the way to do it.

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 22:55

By themildmanneredjanitor on Sat 12-Apr-08 20:08:49
it's not a strange thing to say at all. it doesn't sound real.

read your posts back to yourself.

Er sorry but baffled at what exactly doesn't sound real but not going to worry about your pointless comment anyway.

And no Notabanana as I have said lots of times I'm not having the nanny back - see my last post I'm trying to see if I can just go through gross misconduct rather than pay in lieu as the idea of paying more money angers me...

sorry I can only laugh at these silly troll/idiot abuse!!! Very playground but then I'm guessing maybe you aren't really able to deal with things on a mature level hence varying opinion. I don't mean to be rude and won't stoop to that level but if you dont have anything constuctive to say then you might want to find another topic to post on.

I think all my concerns have become clarified clearly throughout today and my options WRT dismissal process are clear. Once again thank you peeps for your thoughts and advice. Obviously as I stated from the beginning I won't be having the nanny back. Cheers guys.

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 12/04/2008 21:06

sack nanny

CrushWithEyeliner · 12/04/2008 20:59

oh for fuck's sake

you are an idiot or a troll

NotABanana · 12/04/2008 20:31

You can't seriously be saying that you want to do the right thing and check the legal position more than you want to save your children from potential harm?

barnstaple · 12/04/2008 20:24

If you're still dithering over the legal position then you are a troll.

themildmanneredjanitor · 12/04/2008 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamez · 12/04/2008 20:04

I think you have grounds to sue the nanny, frankly, or to call the police on him, for giving your children antihistamines without your knowledge and consent.
I presume the idea was to make the children go to sleep (antihistamines have a sedative effect) -my parents used to give me the occasional dose of Sea Legs or other mild antihistamine if they wanted me to sleep, but the nanny doing it without counsulting you is seriously out of order.

busymum1 · 12/04/2008 19:54

even more worryin if your child on any other medication could react and make child ill sod leaflet FIRE HIM NOW

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:54

Im simply pointing out would rather be covered legally than be sued etc and have already said we will not have the nanny back just ensuring the dismissal is correct and that if I CAN save the money I will - er what is fake about that?! Strange thing to say...

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 12/04/2008 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:47

Just tryng to find guidelines on that tablets to make sure I cover my back first.

OP posts:
NotABanana · 12/04/2008 19:46

He still shouldn't have bought them for her without asking you. How did you find out?

Have you rung and fired him yet?

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:44

antihistimines

OP posts:
NotABanana · 12/04/2008 19:40

hear hear

busymum1 · 12/04/2008 19:39

screw him this is gross misconduct contact him, tell him services no longer required follow up with letter stating you have grounds to let him go on gross misconduct if he wants to argue small claims court likely to be less than pay off if he tried it on but doubt he would!!!!!!!

NotABanana · 12/04/2008 19:37

OMG it gets worse.

What tablets? WTf!

Get rid now and do not pay him any money. Quite frankly you are an idiot if you did. I would take my chances about him taking you to a tribunal.

soapbox · 12/04/2008 19:34

Well that is very fortuitous I think.

Your discovery of this fact, is now the grounds you need for gross misconduct which means you can save your money!

Ring him up as soon as possible, ask him what he thought was going on - tell him that you have grounds to believe this is gross misconduct and will write to him formally before his next day at work.

What kind of tabs were they?

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:33

Yes I did takes references, nanny is approved etc.

OP posts:
llareggub · 12/04/2008 19:32

Don't give notice. Don't be fluffy, or apologetic, or nice.

You are the employer. He made your child sick. Your child is frightened.

Dismiss, now. Get off the computer and do it. Now. Not tomorrow, or Monday. Seize the moment!

Possiblyparanoid · 12/04/2008 19:32

ahha flowerybeanybag did not realise your occupation! Ok that's much more helpful knowing that on legal aspects. I'm sure you will see from the posts getting 2 different msgs and shame I cant save the £1500 I'm going to have to pay out.

yes apparently nanny bought tablets from chemist and gave them to oldest child and she has had them in a bag in her room and been taking them without my knowledge. I am horrified and livid, feel absolutely sick at the dangers that could have placed my children in.

OP posts:
busymum1 · 12/04/2008 19:28

refusing to give a reference would speak volumes did you take references when you employed nanny

cosima · 12/04/2008 19:27

barnstaple it can't be illegal to write the truth in a reference surely. i would do the same. this nanny sounds evil

cosima · 12/04/2008 19:23

i think you should give the nanny notice, the reason being that your child is not happy and is infact in distress with him/her. Presumambly when you took a nanny you only planned on employing one with whom you and your children felt comfortable with. This is very reasonable. get rid quick, i feel soory for your lo.

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