Paid childcare for 1st month or two after birth

I think a lot of the comments on here are quite bitter.

The ‘animal bond’ thing is a very dramatic way of seeing things. Please look up attachment theory because that’s not how it works. Baby will still have a close bond with its mother when periodically looked after by another individual. It’s not harmful or damaging, and to state otherwise is being fanatical about the ‘4th trimester’ theory. It took a community of people to assist with keeping a newborn alive during hunter-gatherer times, and I’m sure the baby would be passed to another for the mother to rest between feeds.

I think it’s lovely that you’re trying think of ways to support your partner during the newborn months.

It’s great that you’re planning to take the 1st month off work, and I think it will really help you cement a bond with the baby. As for the 2nd month, I think most people get through it with little support. However, if money isn’t an issue then I think it’s a nice idea to have a nanny on hand for a day a week or something to give your partner a break and a nice rest.

@bluprince13 most people manage just fine and the first 8 weeks are not necessarily the hardest .

That's not really your place to judge is it? If they want some help for whatever reason they are perfectly entitled to.

What's going on this week with people wanting help to look after newborns? They want their mum. They have been inside her for 9 months. Dad is also ok, useful for bonding. No one else. They sleep like 17 hours of the day too for the first few weeks.

Just look after your brand new tiny helpless baby, for Christs sake.

The reason it's a bad idea to outsource care of a newborn is because we are animals and the process of bonding and building attachment with infants post birth is key. The process of caring for your newborn and meeting their needs is part of the attachment process. Paying someone else to do it is missing the point. By all means pay someone to do the boring chores to enable you to focus on the baby, but paying for care of the baby is focusing on the wrong thing.

Do you need childcare for other children? I’m confused by your post. If it’s just one baby then you don’t need childcare as your wife will be on maternity leave?

My DC are adults but I had no help at all although was in hospital for two days with my first which was the norm then. My DH picked me up from hospital at 12 and went back to work at 2. This also was fairly typical at the time.

Jesus the sneering is out it force on Mumsnet today this morning eh.

You are not taking time off work to "help"

You are taking time off work to "parent"

why do you consider you caring for your child is "helping" your partner, rather than she taking time off work to care for the child is "helping" you.

Please look hard at your attitude - you have only just discovered the pregnancy and you are already designating your partner as the default parent, rather than thinking of yourselves as equally responsible.

And almost everyone does this without outside help. If you want outside help, then meal delivery, cleaners, or service washes are the way to go, not outsourcing parenting from day one.

Good luck, I am sure you will be amazing parents

And if you aren't maybe you stop excluding them from the conversation

How the fuck would I know

I coped fine when dh went back to work and we had no local family. I had friends but they were mostly work friends so not around either. My dh was very hands on when he came in from work, and would crack on cleaning or scoop baby up and take over to let me have a break. I also got out of the house every day and did join groups to meet people and ended up with a great group of friends who were in similar position to me (no family around).

If you can afford it I'd organise a cleaner (preferably one that does washing!) and even a healthy meal service delivery.

I had a lady come in every morning to clean and look after the baby while I was getting ready. She was a godsend.

@DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum obviously one can cope but why is it seen as such a negative to have additional help if you can afford it. As they said they have no family, what is the difference between eg a friend coming to help and someone paid?

First child born when we were living in the USA, all family in UK. Husband had 2 weeks of holiday off as no paternity leave available. Absolutely no help with looking after the baby. We coped fine, even with a bit of a shock when baby was taken back into hospital and into the high dependency unit with the possibility of meningitis mentioned. In the end he was fine but it was a rough few days!

Yeah, all three of mine, 3 under 5. It's hard but you manage.

You probably won't need help f you're taking a month off work. We didn't have any help (no family local or well enough to support) and it was fine.

If you can afford help then get what you think you'd like, but I wouldn't pay if it was going to make things tight. That's better saved for nursery.

I accept everyone is different, and there maybe specific individual needs such as pre-existing maternal conditions or subsequent issues such pnd or physical birth related traumas. But those factors aside, the best outlook for a newborn is to be cared for by his/her mother (and father).
Mothers with partners have access to a break when the other parent is at home. And paid practical help frees up the other parent to take care of the baby allowing the mother a bit of time for herself.

It's not about having to 'manage'. And have you missed that he has a month off work too? There are two of them. They can meet their baby's needs between them.

Am I talking about people with additional needs?

I echo many of the other comments on here. We have never had a minutes support from
anyone since our DS was born even when we have been ill ourselves and struggling to care for our DS.

What we did was to outsource pretty much everything we could aside from work and childcare. We have a cleaner, gardener, DIY handyman, decorator etc. We also use supermarket home deliveries and Amazon a lot. This takes away a lot of the pressures of having no family support.

It does still make dealing with emergencies such as nursery being closed quite difficult as we have no alternative childcare options. To counteract this we have both got very flexible jobs which allow for WFH for the majority of time and also allow short term flexibility if needed.

Just keep chipping away and you’ll soon see that every little change you make starts adding up into a significant beneficial lifestyle change.

1-2 months 😂

The first 1-2 months will be about adjusting to waaaaaaay less sleep than you're used to getting, and being at the beck and call of a tiny little human 24/7.

Pretty much anyone who has had a child has managed to get through this time without help. That's what being a parent is about.

If you absolutely need external help, focus on hiring people who will help manage the house so you can both focus on baby.

Yes, it will be hard. But it will pass.

I think it depends on the person. I would have much preferred childcare help so I got a break even if it was to do that stuff

Absolutely sensible to get some help
https://doula.org.uk/find-a-doula/
Tick the postnatal box

Have a chat to a few and see who you both like best