Denying Access to My Child

You'll need to go to court by the sound of it.

You should be ashamed of yourself for justifying excluding your child from your wedding, she will likely never forgive you when she's old enough to understand what you did.

Your reasons are crap, you could have planned a wedding that was suitable for your child.

I never forgave my dad for doing the same, and if you read past threads on the topic, neither do the majority of former step children who were also excluded.

🤣🤣🤣

He won't be back now anyway.

You both need to start prioritising your child in your decision-making processes.

Neither of you are coming out of this looking good, but if you're telling the whole story and there aren't other reasons why your DD isn't seeing you, then your ex needs to make your DD available for you to collect, however pissed off she might be.

Oh I do wish you'd put this in AIBU rather than Childcare OP.

Watching a shit dad get eviscerated - such fun!

What do you mean why is everyone fixated on the wedding? Because that’s what the thread is about? Dads nobbed off on a 2 week holiday to get married and left his daughter behind. Mums cut contact to deal with the fallout. And I don’t know what you mean by estrange him even more, he had every other weekend and half of the holidays. Eow is standard, statistically half of the holidays is very much more so, and this was agreed happily with no court order. She’s certainly not estranged him there. Also baring in mind that if mum was trying to alienate the child from dad then she’d be trying to prevent the child from going to the wedding, not going absolutely ballistic that he’s left his child behind and got married without her. I assume he didn’t have his contact weekend either seeing as he was away for a whole 2 weeks

@JurassicAllstar

Did you have the assistance of a solicitor when making the arrangements with your ex?

Because it’s a fucking shit thing to do to your own child. The ops excuse being he couldn’t include his daughter because it was only for close family and friends! And yes it has turned into a bit of a pile on about the wedding, but only because the op started telling blatant lies about why she couldn’t attend, no one likes a bullshitter. This is a major life event where the child should have been included to enforce the fact that she’s being welcomed into a new combined family, and there’s no do overs for this, she has to live with this forever now. I’m also wondering if it’s the new stepmum being so cruel and the dads being a walkover. And given the ops lies already, I’d love to hear the actual mums side of this. If she’s as toxic as he’s saying then she’ll be telling the daughter that she wasn’t important enough for daddy to make the effort for her to come to his wedding, and the horrible thing about it is she’s right. That little girl should have been at the alter with him with a pretty dress and a basket full of petals, not sat in school as he couldn’t have possibly arranged any other wedding but that one

They do if their second wife insists on excluding the stepchild.
Or if they can't be bothered to look after their child themselves.

Parents of school aged children don’t get married abroad during term time…

Sure ... but it's not "shocking". EOW plus one night a week is fairly standard if not 50-50. Especially if there's a distance between homes and child needs to go to school.

But that's by the by, considering the OP couldn't get married on one of his weekends ...

No one forced you to get married abroad. You sound selfish and no wonder ex is upset. By excluding your daughter youve made her feel unimportant

Why is everyone fixating on the wedding? I presume the ex moved away (therefore making it difficult for the child to see her dad), before the wedding. And no matter how bitter she feels about the wedding, trying to estrange her child even more from dad is not the answer.

OP, go to court.

Then now we’re talking parental alienation.

Every weekend is no good - it gives you all the fun while your ex does the difficult, hectic school day stuff. And given the distance, would move your DD away from all the class parties etc.

Complete dick move to organise your wedding such that your child couldn't go. She should have been top of the guest list and non-negotiable. She must have been devastated, and when she is an adult she'll fully understand that you chose not to prioritise her.

Having said that, get to court and formalise access so you can stay in touch with your child.

Bloody hell, please give me more info as I’m completely out of the loop op. I haven’t even heard about this weird time warp where a few hours here = a fortnight on holiday. So strange that you couldn’t find the time to get married at home, but you could for 2 weeks away. Also strange that the wedding was only for close family and friends, but your 6yo daughter with anxiety, who you barely see and is under the care off ss didn’t make the cut

@CocoPlum EOW is pitiful, even if lots of people choose to do it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Was it your second wife who insisted that your daughter be excluded from her destination wedding and fortnight holiday in the sun?

Or did you just think it would be a PITA to have to look after a six year old for two weeks?

I can’t get beyond the fact you didn’t have your DD at your wedding…..she will remember that for ever you know…..when she’s all grown your lame arse excuses won’t cut it with her

What do you mean by "Ex has had SS involved"?

You’ve derailed your own thread so quickly that you may as well just get it deleted now. It was a shit decision to make, the least you can do is own it. You’ve lost any chance of sympathy now by lying out of your arse. All people are going focus on is your claim that you’re absolutely devastated at her missing it and would have done ANYTHING to prevent it, but alas the only wedding you could have possibly arranged was in a hot country abroad for an entire fortnight 🙄😂

Honestly getting married in a location and at a time when your child can’t attend makes you a shit dad. Nobody needs two weeks abroad to get married at the exclusion of their daughter. Whether it’s your wife being an arse and you being weak, or you being selfish, I don’t know. But I do know that choosing to get married at the exclusion of your child and then moaning that her mother is upset with you is pathetic.

For the other stuff, go to court.

You can't have been particularly upset that your daughter wasn't at your wedding because you deliberately arranged it to take place abroad, and failed to include your little girl.
No wonder she's upset.

There's a lot you could have done differently.

You could have went to court and stated your case for your dd staying in your area, you could have got a court order ages ago to solodify contact, and you absolutely could have got married with your dd there, you chose your priorities for your wedding and your dd didn't make the cut.

Your ex has dd 90% of the time and you fit in contact when it suits you.

Take this as your sign to get to court and get proper contact, but I bet you won't.

Why couldn’t the UK ceremony have been your actual wedding, or why couldn’t the ceremony have been at the same time but in the UK? I know you think this is irrelevant, but my dad did this to me, and it was just an early instance of the same thing happening again and again. Presumably no one held a gun to your head, you just chose to prioritise other factors over your child’s attendance. Stop pretending your child was at the centre of this choice. You really need to reflect on this if you want to be a good parent in the future.

On the actual question - if there are issues over when you see your child, you need to go to court and get a child arrangements order. If continued fighting between the parents is likely, there’s just no point in doing anything else. Get it court ordered, and if she messes you around, get it enforced.

"No one was more upset than me that she couldn't be there"

I'm sorry to nitpick OP, but this doesn't really make sense. I appreciate we don't know the details of your life, but if having your daughter at your wedding was a priority and upset you so greatly that she wasn't there, it seems highly unlikely that you had to sacrifice that in order to get married abroad in a two week trip. I'm not trying to be nasty here but maybe to understand a bit more, because it could well be that your ex is exasperated and upset on this front. It does sound confusing to choose circumstances like this when you say it upset you that she couldn't be there.