Denying Access to My Child

Do you know her? If her dad gave a shiny shite about her she’d have been on holiday with him and at his wedding

It's up to his daughter and what she wants. She probably wants daddy.

Abroad while she's at school? Will she really care or would she prefer to see her daddy?

His ex wife probably loves creating drama just like on this thread full of drama.

We’re outraged that he chose an option that his daughter couldn’t do. Why not have it in the holidays? Or have it in the uk? Or have it abroad but not for so long? Or have it abroad and for long but maybe fly his daughter over with him, have the ceremony during the first day or two and then fly her back so he could have the rest of the holiday without her. The school didn’t make him have a 2 week wedding abroad in term time, did they?

What an odd comment. Are you the new wife?

Am I also reading this right - that @Teddybearpicniccelebration and @RedHelenB think it is "weird" for a child to attend their parent's wedding?

You didn't need to go abroad to get married and therefore exclude your child.

She's a complicated woman who can't compromise she will lose her daughter if she continues.

I don't think the mother cares about the fine, plenty of parents happily pay the fine. He says himself that the mum was angry his daughter didn't go abroad with them. It sofa very much she wanted the child to be at the wedding.

He can't legally take her out of school for two weeks anyway the child's mother will get fined for every day she misses school. Going to a wedding is not a good reason to miss school.

I know some of you on here want to feel outraged but realistically the school would probably not allow it.

Exactly it's weird why would he bring her. His ex wife sounds dreadful she needs to put her child first rather than her angry feelings in messages.

Op-
‘’I’’ didn’t want to take my daughter to my wedding as I could only do it 2 weeks during term time. It wasn’t it my daughters best interests to pull her out for 2 weeks. Also she wouldn’t have known many people there. Also she has anxiety

Also op- her mum is extremely angry I didnt take her

hotgirlwinter- oh well that totally means that there wasn’t a chance in hell the mum would have let her go!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm willing to bet he has form for this kind of behavior. Mum is probably withholding contact to protect her daughter from further disappointment and hurt. Why are mums so often expected to facilitate and pick up the pieces for half arsed dads who have no clue the damage they are doing to their own kids? What kind of mum wants her child to be repeatedly let down?

In theory, I think this makes sense. But I've developed a finely honed ear for when someone (usually, but always a man) says something that on the surface seems oh-so-reasonable but actually, when you look a little deeper, shows a different picture.

So in this case, he's doing EOW and can't do more because Mum moved away. What was he doing BEFORE mum moved away - because arguably, if he was doing much more with the DD, it would have been relatively easy to force his ex to stay local.

Mum is being irrational and aggressive because he didn't take his DD on a 2 week holiday in term time... that she probably wouldn't have let the DD go on anyway and would have been bad for DD to miss school. BUT, that totally disregards how upset a 6 year old girl is likely to be over being excluded from her dad's wedding. goodbye dreams of being a flower girl etc. And why did this wedding have to happen overseas? And why did it have to require OP and his new wife to be away for 2 weeks? And why did it have to happen in term time?

The most egregious version of this in real life I've seen is when exBIL told Dh that SIL had been hitting and kicking him and he (DH) "didn't know the half of it". As it turned out, this referred to an incident that had happened the day before. They had been split for about 6 months at the time. He had come into her house, then in the course of an argument, had forced his way into her bedroom and grabbed her phone so that he could check if she was texting a particular man he had an issue with. She was attempting to get the phone back from him but he is bigger, taller, stronger so of course, he was able to keep her away and she had been grabbiing and slapping at his arm in an attempt to get the phone back....

Did you explain to your daughter that you were getting married and she wasn’t invited or did you just do it??
do you think she won’t remember?
she will and she knows who you really are.

I mean… this just isn’t true. it’s what you’re telling yourself to absolve yourself from any wrong doing. You obviously believe your own story.

you should have access, of course. So go to court.

you can’t be suprised she’s upset though- she’s upset because you’ve genuinely wronged her daughter. Your daughter. There is no good excuse for making it quite clear to her that she is not an important part of your new family.

Not necessarily . Unless it was her only chance to be a bridesmaid or sonething. I find children at second or more weddings a bit weird to be honest.

Why have you just made most of that up though? She has not refused any more than eow. The op has said he gets eow, half of the holidays, and doesn’t have more as it’s ’awkward’. She’s pissed off her dd was left behind. He has stated he refused to take her as the only time he could possible arrange the wedding was 2 weeks during term time and didn’t want to pull her out. Not a single word about mum previously denying access or the possibility of her refusing her dd to go. Given the fact he’s put her down in every other way possible, I think it’s safe to say the scenario you’ve just made up isn’t true.
You are right in that normally this shouldn’t be a reason to cut contact. But we don’t know the other side. There might be people on here of the opinion that a 6yo doesn’t get a say, and should be forced into contact with a parent. That wouldn’t be me though if it were my 6yo heartbroken at her dads actions, and wanting a break from contact to process it

No, I can easily see that the mum wouldn't have wanted this. Because if he's a EOW dad, to then have her for 2 weeks, in another country, is a LOT. But a sensible, considerate dad would take that into account and choose NOT to get married in another country. Or, arrange for his dd to be there for at least the few days over the ceremony or whatever.

This looks like the classic situation where he thinks he's hard done by because he offered to do x or y, but didn't think about how x or y is not, in fact, all that helpful or practical for the child involved.

whether he was or wasn’t genuine in his reasons for getting married abroad without daughter present is not relevant to his ex withholding access.

Completely separate issues.

Not taking DD on holiday is not paramount to a safeguarding issue and therefore mum has no right to refuse access. It is parental alienation.

It also sounds like mum would not have let her daughter go away for 2 weeks with dad, not a chance in hell. If she refused any more contact than EOW.
But because it suits the narrative it is handy to abuse him with.

OP might be a useless parent, perhaps he is, but useless again is not reason to withhold a relationship from the child.

Whilst I don't agree with withholding access, you are clearly a bare-minimum parent.

You see your child 4 days a month.

You choose to spend a large bulk of your annual leave going abroad in term time, rather than holidaying with your child and use your term-time vacation as an excuse for not taking your child with you.

You chose to get married at a time and place that made it difficult for your child to attend and refused to take her with you.

You've made your child feel rejected & unwanted and now you expect her to jump when you say so (& also ask "how high?")

There is more to parenting than visiting once a fortnight.

The emotional distance between you and your child is on you. You need to close the gap by making better decisions which involve spending time with your child, if that's achieved by going to court, so be it. But at least admit you've made some bad choices here.

Not having your child at your wedding is hugely damaging. You didn’t have to have a wedding abroad. You could have planned a wedding that focused on your new blended family.

have you asked your ex why she is denying you access? Is she angry or is your child upset and your ex is protecting the child? Have you actually reached out to your child to start to rebuild trust?

If marrying abroad was a non-negotiable then 99.9% of parents would have done the honeymoon at a later date and taken just a few days off depending on how far away the destination was. Having a honeymoon in term time would be made more sense.

Also he won’t answer whether he missed contact when he was away. He has every other weekend and went away for 3 whole weeks. You don’t refuse to take your child on holiday, miss contact and then complain when the other parent cuts contact too

Yy to needing to know details of SS involvement.

When my kids were younger, a trip to A&E often led to a call from SS to check in. Also it’s not unheard of for a neighbour or family to make a malicious call to SS. It happened to me and the allegations were immediately dismissed once they called the school to see if my child was turning up with injuries and they were told no.

If your ex is preventing contact with your child then you need to either start mediation or go straight to court, either to enforce the existing CAO (if there is on?) or to request one that species exact times that your child is with you / other parent.

Lots of people are questioning why your DD wasn’t included in your wedding. I agree that it’s bizarre that she wasn’t included (I recently remarried and the date / time was planning completely around my DC being there - I couldn’t imagine it any other way) the point is that your ex should not stop you seeing your DC just for this reason, the courts would not look favourably on this. However I do wonder if there’s more to it and if you missed out on any contact time with your DD whilst you were away?

You also might want to ask this to be moved to the legal board rather than childcare.