Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

you would think, wouldnt you, if you had a live in,you would ask if they smoked - my friend wasnt asked

but even if they did smoke - they SHOULDNT EVER smoke around the children and not in the house either, so maybe wasnt an issue

then again - if a nanny /au pair was fantastic/ex references etc, would you employ her if she did smoke?

NOPE why would that add to or detract from abilities?be more bothered if they smoked franlky

I would rather my au pair were straight than gay, if I am honest, though I think other factors than sexual orientation might come higher in my list of criteria at selection.

However, I would hate, hate, hate my au pair not to be sexually active. That would really worry me.

wanderingtrolley - in response to your question on page 3/4 - my friend was asked at 1st interview if she had a boyfriend, she said no, but she had a girlfriend and didnt get 2nd interview (not sure if that was the reason , but agency said that the family mentioned it)

so next interview, she said no when asked that question, and didnt add any more

then at 2nd interview she said about having a girlfriend

the job was live in - like an au pair and obviously her MB would meet her partner - so she had to tell them

if the job was not live in, i honestly dont know if she would have mentioned her relationship with her - due to the bad response she has had when she tells employers

As i said in my 1st post (page 1 i think ) it shouldnt matter WHAT sex your nanny/au pair likes/loves as long as they dont canoodle during working hours with that partner - male or female - as should be working.

What she does in her spare time, is up to them iynwim

I have a young teenage son and, if I was in the position of having a teenage au pair, would have some ground rules about not allowing a succession of strangers turning up at house as a result of casual flings. As this au pair would be living with us, their sexual life would be an issue in that respect. I would be wary of the double standards. I can see what scienceteacher is getting at.

If I had a twentysomething au pair, it would be less of an issue as the age gap would be bigger, but I'd trust they would be discreet around my children.

peanutbear, yes they are allowed to go to bars and clubs. I positively encourage it - my present one does, and it makes a happy aupair. They are young people with the sorts of interests that go with that generation (wistful). And they can meet a boyfriend whilst here, or have their hearts broken.

Like I say, it can get complicated.

But fair enough, I can deal with it when it arises. That is all normal teenage angst.

It is only pretty flagrant behaviour (whether straight or gay) which would raise my eyebrows. And I reserve the right to not welcome such persons into my household.

I can understand the boyfriend in another country thing but surely teenagers can be just as money over a boyfriend/girlfriend they meet whilst they are with you

Are they allowed out to nightclubs and pubs???

I am not trying to be funny but its just not a question I would ask

peanut bear, I do ask if they have a boyfriend. And I also specify they do not have to answer if they find it personal. It is important to know because they can get quite homesick if their boyfriends are in their home country.

If they refuse, I may very well decide to offer the position to another candidate who is upfront with me.

I do not ask it they sleep around. But if this came out from a referee, I would take that into account.

An aupair is more than (or actually she is not) an employee. She is taken on as part of the family to be an extra pair of hands in exchange for food, board and pocket money.

Apart from the employer/employee relationship, there is also the fact that she (which I mean to include he) lives under your roof for which the host family acts in loco parentis to a certain extent. These are young girls.

All this adds up to a complex relationship. A mix of employee, niece, flatmate and nanny. Therefore, the fit is extremely important, and that includes behaviour in the house with boyfriends/girlfriends. I have detailed house rules for aupairs.

You might say that what an aupair does outside the house is none of the family's business, but then would an aupair who sleeps around (not referring to lesbians at all) with lots of partners out of sight really be the sort of grounded sensible person you want to welcome in your family and trust with your children? It is a lot more complicated than just employer/employee.

?

Why would that have any thing to do with their job

is it even on a list of questions?????

Can you drive? yes
do you like children? yes
who would you prefer to sleep with? WTF
I wouldnt work for anyone who asked me the question

What a weird thread. I used to have two au pairs who lived together boy and girl! They have just invited me to their wedding in Prague. They were teenagers and I couldnt have cared less.

As for any type of sexuality I would be their employer and what they do is their own business.

I really do think as an employer that your employees sexuality is not your business in any way whatsoever.

I would insist any au pair of mine was a certified virgin and had taken a vow of life long celibacy. I would also insist they are extremely ugly and overweight just in case the milkman or any other random bloke got ideas.

I coudn't give a flying f what anyone sexuality is .. this is not the puriant 1890's

Don't know if this counts as the same thing, but we use a babysitter who is a lesbian and usually brings her partner with her. I've never seen a reason to find this strange.

Even if you don't believe in marriage, the sort of relationship an 18 yr old au pair might be having is unlikely to be comparable to a marriage.

It's not wrong for 18 or 19 yr olds to be sexually active, but as the mother of small children and the employer of the 18 yr old, it would be wrong to place the needs of that 18 yr old above the wellbeing or the value structure you are setting to your own children....... Simple. Not rocket science.

Yep - sorry for having values.

trolleydolly - cant think of many ways you could be in your face about being black so its probably not a good example. no i wouldnt expect them to hide their colour, just as i wouldnt expect someone to hide their sexuality. im just thinking of people i know who thought being gay meant they were being discriminated aginst all the time or who went on about it all the time so everyone knew because they wanted to be different. as a grown up i cant say i know anyone who does that, it seemed to be very much a teenage finding your identity thing. i am probably being rather unfair towards teenagers more than any other group.

and you really think it is wrong for 18/19 year olds to be sexually active?

They are usually 18/19.

ST - how old are your au pairs? i can understand you not wanting numerous or random people who you have never met coming in and out of your house, but if they had a boyfriend/girlfriend i can't see how it is a problem. not everyone believes in marriage ...

It would not worry me in the slightest about who looks after my children as long as they are not abusive in any way....be it emotionally, physically or sexually.

I would want someone to come in and help them see that there are many people in the world, and we all are interesting and have something to offer. I would in fact welcome someone who is leading a different life path to myself to help to educate my children. I don;t understand everything on this earth, and so I cannot educate my children in everything.....if I employed someone who could, I would not let them go TBH!!!

I would prefer to have an au pair who had a steady boyfriend/girlfriend, rather than one who had lots of casual encounters, for similar reasons to scienceteacher.

Earlier on this thread, someone said you could swap the word 'lesbian' for 'black' or 'jew' to see how offensive it was.

I don't think it's as clear cut. While your sexual preferences, like your race, are part of your identity that is not the whole picture IMO

Being 'black' is what you are, not what you do or what you prefer. Being a lesbian IMO is both what you are and what you do/prefer - by definition a lesbian is attracted to women more than men (AFAIK) whether this is translated into sexual behaviour or not.

It saddens me when teenagers are sexually active, which is why I would prefer them not to be.

I certainly am not going to condone that kind of behaviour when I have teenagers myself. It would be a bit of a double standard.

TBH, I have loads of au pairs and it has never been a problem.