Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

Imananny: what I meatn was if someone applying for the job informed me(without my asking) of strong religious beliefs and started evangelising at me, I wouldn't give them the job. ANd I would probably get rid of someone who I found was peddling scary religious crap to my DS. Whether or not an employee has sex (subject to rules about not doing it while the DC are watching, etc) is not my business.

Was anybody assuming the peddling of religious propaganda? Just another house rule surely?

Why do people assume that religious people would 'peddle propaganda' to their children? That is as backward and prejudiced thinking as stating that a lesbian nanny will try and get their children to become gay or so on....

At the end of the day when you have a childcarer then they should look after and raise your children according to your desires! Wether they are black/white religious/atheist gay/straight doesn't matter as long as your children are well looked after according to your preferences!

ST: a person (or potential employee's) beliefs are none of my business, his/her behaviour is. And if a person's religious or political beliefs meant that they would peddle propaganda to my DS I would not want to employ them. DOesn't mean I'd object to an employee wanting to go to a place of worship in his/her time off (though I would refuse to let my DC attend unless they were old enough to choose for themselves) any more than I would object to an employee wanting to go to a fetish or swingers' club in his/her time off.

Whenever I've lived in I've had house rules, and adhered to them. Especially regarding no unknown overnight guests, no endangering the household whilst shitfaced etc. It might be "my home" as I live in, but it's my employers property and their rules have to be respected and obeyed (as long as they aren't too ridiculous, ie in bedroom by 9pm on a weekend).

As far as sexuality goes... I think personally it's none of anybody else's business who floats my boat. As long as I do my job well, and respect my employers, I demand the same respect and trust from them in return that I am mature enough to live my own life as I see fit. If they feel I am "good enough" to help in the raising of their family, then they will accept my life choices/preferences. If, however, they base their offer of employment on certain criteria BEFORE offering the job, then that is their own prerogative. So if they don't want a gay childcare provider and state that in their requirements, I believe that's up to them. They may well get flamed for it. But I would rather know the values/opinions of future employers before the fact as opposed to after it. Just as if the employers themselves were gay, I would rather know beforehand but it would never occur to me to base a decision on that fact alone. I would happily work for a gay couple/single parent as I think it swings both ways: mutual respect for one's own life choices.

I know sexuality has no bearing on someone's ability to do any job, but the truth is people will always have opinions and preferences. If someone would prefer not to have a gay au pair, then let them get on with it. There's no point in getting all het up about it, that's not productive and in the grand scheme of things it's not going to change anyone's mind just because a forum gets up in arms about it. As long as people express their preferences with tact and sensitivity, then who are we to judge? Live and let live.

Overt religion ST, same as overt sex.

Why is religion your business and sex not?

im with you - sorry thought you meant you wouldnt employ someone who was religious,but iswum - yes prob would be a little strange if they started to go into one about religion at an interview

Imananny: what I meatn was if someone applying for the job informed me(without my asking) of strong religious beliefs and started evangelising at me, I wouldn't give them the job. ANd I would probably get rid of someone who I found was peddling scary religious crap to my DS. Whether or not an employee has sex (subject to rules about not doing it while the DC are watching, etc) is not my business.

how would you know if a nanny was very religious/didnt have sex before marriage,unless you asked her if she was sexually active?

which i assume none of you do ask at interviews?

agree better to have someone who has the same kinda views as you IF living in,but how do you know what your nanny/au pair may do in the evenings/in a car/club etc?

Actually, much as I despise bigots, I do think that when it comes to having people live in your house with you for any length of time, it's not that unreasonable to want someone who will fit in with your funny little quirks, whatever they are.
Not that Ihave au pairs (no room or space for one and don't fancy the idea anyway) but I wouldn't employ one who made a big deal out of his/her religious views because I wouldn't want anyone in the house forcefeeding my DS homophobia, misogyny or superstition. Same as I wouldn't want to employ anyone to live in my house who expressed racist views.

I think some people do have problems with people being gay even when they say they don't.

As has been said if you substitute black/disabled etc for gay then there would be outrage.

Why would someone want a gay person not in their home? It's the same as saying I wouldn't like a black person in my home or a disabled person etc. It's just not on and shows how deeply ingrained homophobia still is in a lot of society.

Thanks science teacher! For what it's worth I agree with you and well done for sticking up for your values.

i dont think the thread should be deleted, it was a simple question asked by mishmash.

And most of us on here are mature woman and we should be able todiscuss and have views on topics without having a huge blow up

No one has said they wouldnt employ a gay nanny,(guess my friends interviewer isnt on here ) and as simplyme said, what famillies allow in their own house, is up to them

my mum when i lived at home years ago,wouldnt let me sleep in same room/bed as my boyfriend - doesnt mean she is a racist/sexist etc, she just had her morals (and sex before marriage was def one of them)

Welcome to Mumsnet, Simplyme

Gosh this post has intrigued or should I say annoyed me enough to register so I can comment!

Firstly I am a nanny. I'm live-in. I have what could be classed as strong religious values and am not sexually active!

I am I feel a great nanny. I have worked and lived amicably with many families who usually have different opinions and views to that of my own! This has not been a problem as the families and I have respected each others views and opinions. Mostly I try to follow the families views with regards to their childrens influence. Obviously I would not activiely promote something I disagreed with as that would be hypocritical but I do try to bring them up as their parents do! My turn for instilling my beliefs and values will come with my own children later.

This whole topic here has irritated me for 2 reasons! Firstly I don't understand why some of you are getting mad about this? Why not discuss it? From what I have read no one has said they are against a lesbian au-pair, It is just up for discussion. IMO why can't parents decide who they have in their house and what they do in it? I agree that you shouldn't say what someones sexual preference should be but you can say wether they do it in your home gay or not!

The other thing that irritates me is the hypocritical side of some of the comments here! People are not happy at others saying they don't want a sexually active au-pair but it seems to be ok for Anna8888 to discriminate against those with morals who aren't sexually active?! IMO if you have live-in help then either find one with ideals and standards close to your own or be tolerant of differences of opinions!

Was my friend who got grief

shes a bloody good nanny and I cant see how loving a woman can make her suspect, but in this day and age unfort it does, with some peoples attitudes

the fact she is quiet, doesnt go out much and is 100% reliable with impecable references, obviously didnt make any difference.

She has a fantastic job now and is very happy - she had a civil ceronmey last year (and her mb/db and children came) and couldnt be happier.

Sorry mishmash I'm still at a loss to work out where you're coming from - if you think it's "quite sweet" that these two girls appear to be in a relationship, and one that they have been SO discreet about that no one realised for years, what could POSSIBLY be objectionable?

Besides the fact that they are attracted to members of the same sex?

You seem almost surprised to think that they have a close, affectionate, lasting relationship?

Oh actually I don't think EH would ever have employed au pairs. sorry.

...anyway to throw in my tuppence,

I don't live in, but perhaps it's because of my age, and the fact I make an effort to be very fair handed, that I don't let things like my sexuality, or some of my "hobbies" intrude into a childcare arrangement.

I can see it would be more difficult to hide the fact that I sometimes enjoy going out, getting completely shitfaced (pardon my french) and staggering home at 6am if I lived with a family. At the moment I never, ever, ever mention those kind of antics to the children or their parents. I don't think it's a particularly constructive use of my time but I make an informed decision based on how much I enjoy it vs how bad it is for my health/bank balance/self esteem. Sad to say getting wankered often wins! But it's not something I'd want to encourage children to do. Neither would I want them to think promiscuity was "just something adults do" - I sometimes feel uncomfortable mentioning my boyfriend, as they've asked a couple of times, "So.... you and he share a flat, right? But you're not married...." and I reply with, "Yes, we love each other lots though."
I feel certain aspects of innocence are about believing adults are always sensible.... let them feel safe with us for a few years, at least, before they see us making horrible self defeating mistakes.

At 18 I was living with a married man who left his wife for me, and had been for a year, we stayed together for years. None of THAT comes up in interviews. The fact I joined the mile high club with a woman doesn't, either. I picked up my current boyfriend on the internet for crying out loud! BUT........
I can be discreet about these things and perhaps the OP had a certain stereotype or set of presumptions about lesbians. Quite what they are I can't quite understand.

Whoever had the friend who got grief for mentioning her girlfriend in the interview, I'm not surprised but yes, it does really sadden me to know that there are people out there who think that she is somehow suspect - when none of my sordid past comes back to haunt me because I am able to present the illusion of being a good straight girl in all senses of the word! Life is so unfair. It really sucks. Bloody hell.

glitterfairy, are your initials EH?

sorry, just used to know a music fan who used that name on a certain rhmb.

clarabelle here.