Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

We do love a zombie thread upheaval atm don't we?!

This has jumped from 2008 to 2014!

Strange question but no I have problem whatsoever. We have had at least one lesbian au pair. I say least one because I wouldn't think to ask, it's just that, in this case we knew because her (lovely) GF from her home country came and spent a week with us.

Not a bit. Why would it? Unless there was sexual activity around the kids, which I find hard to imagine. I would equally expect a heterosexual au pair to not be at it with a partner around the kids. Or bringing them home for the night. Keep it for nights off, perhaps?

Not as long as she was fully committed to the Mothers helper role ;)

captainmummy - we don't buy kosher food (ever) but it's everywhere if you want it (kosher deli in our street, kosher fridge at the local Monoprix etc).

However, this arrondissement (17th) of Paris is one of the most Jewish areas (along with Neuilly and the 16th for the bourgeois areas). I expect it's even easier in the 19th. Have absolutely no idea about the rest of France.

I had a Muslim au pair for while. I didn't know she was Muslim when I recruited her, and found out when she told me she did not eat meat.

It is totally not a problem having a Muslim in my household (we like people of faith), but I was concerned about having to provide vegetarian food. On further questioning, it appeared that all fish was fine, and that she could eat Halal meat. Fish was no problem for me to provide, although I was a bit worried about the expense of us all having fish for several meals, and Halal was not available in our local supermarket. I, at the time, worked in a Muslim area, and would occasionally go to a Halal butcher to get her a few cuts of meat - she didn't ask for this, and it was pretty much a 'gift'.

Halal slaughtering methods do not sit well with me, but I put the needs of humans ahead of those of animals, so was happy to go along with it for her.

You've spotted the Mumsnet double standard, Simply Me.

It's totally fine to ridicule religion, but if you have anything less than an 'anything goes' attitude to sex, you are a bigot.

Anna - you're in france aren't you? Do you find it hard to get Kosher there?

Oh gosh no, we don't pay any attention to kosher rituals at all in this household and we never ever buy special Jewish foods. We do eat mincepies, hot cross buns and Easter eggs though .

The only concession we make is if families that eat kosher come to dinner - I serve up food that won't offend their sensibilities.

thanks

so does your man (did check you wrote he and not she when you said partner ) eat the foods mentioned below as they are banned this week, or is he not as dedicated as my friends employers are?

I don't know - I'll ask and report back (not before tomorrow).

it is a fairly good job but always harder when living in, if she was live out, would be so much easier to survive their religious times

they dont force their wishes on her, but obviously they need a nanny who will try and respect their values.

btw - what is the leaning to the left all about?

imananny - my partner is Jewish so I know how totally vile the food is .

My partner couldn't care less about all the Jewish rituals, and particularly not about the food ones (he used to work in the food industry and is a real foodie), but we still have to go to Passover, Rosh Hashana and other family dinners and try to eat the food...

I think your other nanny friend is very courageous btw, to live in a family with such strong religious constraints that are not her own. I hope it's a good job otherwise.

thnaks anna - she is not allowed anything with bread,flour, yeast, pasta or rice as thats not allowed in house

she will be living off beans and jackets all week i think

she is allowed to share their food,but it tastes horrible and have weird rituals they have to do, like leaning to left when eating

roll on next week!!

imananny - I don't think you are wandering off the OP - what you posted is very interesting.

Basically, the employees of the families your describe must "toe the family line" for cultural (omnivorous family and vegetarian nanny) or religious (Jewish family, other religiion nanny) reasons.

That is absolutely OK in law. And, as you point out, if the employee is not able to "toe the family line", the onus is on he/she to find a family whose values and lifestyle match his/hers better.

I think simplyme makes an interesting point actually, I agree that anyone has the right to an opinion. I would rather that everyones opinions were based on common sense, fact and a generaly sympathetic/understanding view point. I know that this is not the way of the world and some people are uneducated in some things, others are raised to believe certain things, still more have religous and cultural views.

So, I feel that everyone should hold their own opinion, I feel that, where possible they should be educated to ensure their opinon is fair and realistic, I also believe that some people are not open to new/different ideas for various reasons.

Given all of that am I being the bigoted one when I read a post like some of the ones here (especially those based on religious views) and think "That is fine and your (probably unshakable) opinon but I don't want to hear your particular opinion here thank you"

I agree with madamez here.

There is a very good reason why the same employment laws do not apply to live-in and domestic employees as to employees of businesses and corporations.

Childcare is not just a "technical" skill (bathing, changing nappies, dressing etc). In fact, the technical aspects of childcareare pretty limited. Raising children involves sharing values and being a role model, every second of every day. That is why parents have every right to choose au pairs (or other domestic childcarers) whose values and lifestyle they share, should they deem this important.

madamez - a good question regarding veggies and non veggies.

3 friends I know are veggie,2 happily cook meat for their charges, 3rd refuses,and will only work for a veggie family.

Her choice and nothing wrong with that

Another friend works for a jewish family and this week it is their passover, this means certain foods are not allowed in the house - she is not allowed to buy food for this week, cupboards are shut and taped up - she can cook stuff in her room (on microwave) but the food/plates etc mustnt come down stairs even to be washed as goes against their religion and views - she is happy to do this, but I dont she reliesed how strict they were when she started.

Another weekend was in the dark and wasnt allowed to use lights/any thing to help them, so DB walked to work 5miles in the rain as wasnt allowed to use his car.

Sorry I am wandering off the OP

Actually speaking from a BI perspective, chosing to marry a husband and have children is more of a lifestyle choice than "being gay". You are what you are, feel what you feel, and no matter of rationalizing is going to change that.

The thread does not offend me at all, it is a chance for people to exchange opinons, and maybe even take different opinons on board.
Better to get opinons out in the open and discuss them, than keep them "in the closet" so to speak.

I am also a Christian, and my God is one of mercy and understanding, and it is for God alone to judge, it is neither in mine nor anybody elses place, if we are to bring Christianity into it.

Actaully, SImplyme, there are a lot of devout Christians who either are gay or don't think that their god has any problem with same-sex couplings. So I don't see why you should be allowed to use superstition as a get out clause for bigotry, since you ask.
You are, of course, entitled to post whatever you like on an internet discussion forum, but other people are entitled to dsiagree with you.

No, Simplyme, people have not said you're uneducated and stupid for believing in God. They're saying that being gay is not a choice.
I believe sexuality is part of who you are and that you don't choose it.

My Mum's a catholic and I asked her once if she would still love me if I were gay.
She said she had spoken to her priest about this in the past..... and that she wouldn't condemn me as there was a reason God made me that way. This is a polish lady who's been going to mass once a week her whole life! I am proud that Mum has debated this within her religious community and decided that the teachings of the Bible that stress tolerance and love outweigh the ones that preach condemnation of "alternative" lifestyles based on an outmoded society that does not reflect the one we live in today. She told me that she considers the Bible to be the word of God, but that it is subject to revision and that God can speak through the leaders we have today. She obviously has quite a broad minded priest. Thank... God? ;)

Quick question for all you jumping down my throat at me.....

Why is it ok to tell me I am being prejudiced and a bigot for saying that I believe it is wrong and against what God has said regarding same sex relationships?

Yet when people tell me that I am uneducated and stupid and wrong for believing in God and his teaching that is ok?

Surely it is just as prejudiced against me for being religious and having my opinion?

Why is my feelings wrong but gay right? Surely this is a world where everyone is entitled to their opinions? I actually do have very good gay friends - I do not lie to them they know where my views stand and I know wheres theirs stand but fortunately for me they are not prejudiced against me to criticise me for my opinons as you all seem to be very happy to do right now!

Just for the record I have NOT said that I wouldn't work for a gay family! Others have said why they wouldn't and I was backing them up! I don't honestly know what I would do if the situation arose? I do know that I would not dismiss it out of hand and would look at the job as a whole? If the job was perfect in other ways then I imagine I would take it! ......that's of course if they weren't prejudiced against me for going to church and believing in the bible and God

I think that even legally, hiring an au pair is one are in which you are allowed to discriminate because this person is going to live in your house and spend lots of time in close contact with you. And I don't think it's enitrely unreasonable (any more than it is not unreasonable to prefer one gender of live-in carer for an elderly person.)

And I don't think that religious people, even fairly evangelical ones, are all going to be pests about their superstition or spout homophobic bigotry in my house. Another hypothetical example would be: in a vegeatarian household, what restrictions would you place on the au pair eating meat? Would she be allowed to cook/eat it in her own rooms if they have separate facilities? Or would you sack her for necking a kebab on her night off?