Childcare - feel sad for my toddler....

Lisalisa,

I'm so sorry. You are really having a time with the childcare arrangements. I think you should arrange some kind of sessional care for DS2 to help on a couple of fronts. Your MIL is obviously worn out and it would give her a bit of a break that she needs so she can have a bit more energy with DS2 when she is looking after him. And also it would give DS2 a bit of continuity of care. So when MIL leaves and new nanny comes in he will at least have a similar routine of the playgroup/activity/whatever to give him a bit of familiarity in his routine. I would look to start this as soon as possible.

Good luck on your hunt for nanny/childminder/playgroup/etc.

PS Have you heard from old weird nanny who I think now lives down the street?

thanks, nannynick. I often wondered myself about the difference between playgroup and nursery.

TBH I agree with quint. I personally think the pre-school would probably be a positive thing for him. And I really do think you are probably being a little over-protective of the family baby. Surely worth checking out even if you decide to wait for a while.

I think there may be some confusion over terminology being used by some posters.

In my mind, Mother & Toddler group is different to Playgroup. Playgroup and Pre-School are the same thing (known as Sessional Group in Ofsted speak). Nursery is different.

In a sessional group, it is not unusual for there to be children to be 2.5-4.5 years old. While ratio of the under 3's is different, the age groups can be mixed. Often a sessional group meets in a church hall / community centre, and thus there is only 1 main room, so mixing the children has to occur... and mixing the age group is actually encouraged as the older children can then mentor the younger children. A sessional group will be limited to a maximum of 26 children and run for a maximum of 4 hours per day. For further information, see National Standards: Sessional Daycare

lisalisa - I would suggest looking at local providers with a view to a gradual introduction from September. Meanwhile attending a Parent & Toddler group can help your son to mix with other similar aged children. Your MIL, or a nanny, could take your son to these groups.

From what i rememeber of your posts, your DS has had a few changes recently, and I would not rush him into another one. From the sounds of it he is getting lots of stimulation with you and his siblings, I do not think it will 'harm' him to have a little less in the day for a short while. If nec keep him up for a bit in the evening until you get sorted out with a good, long term plan.
My DS (nearly 3) will happily snooze away in the day if not woken up (and I would then put him to bed later-ie if we have plans for the evening) and he is very happy with that. Your little one may not be lying in bed awake all day.
It is up to you how you deal with your mother in law and what you want to ask her to do with him-you may not want to rock the boat at the moment.
I would concentrate on sorting out a permanant solution. So long as he is loved by you all then your DS will not be suffering short term by the situation you describe.
And he does sound lovely
Good luck.

Lisalisa - I'd be surprised if your pre-school would allow a 2 year old to mix with 3 and 4 year olds. The ofsted ratios are completely different.

The setup Quint describes is much more normal - that's how all the nurseries around our way are set up.

Of course you shouldn't do anything for your DS that you aren't comfortable with but you might want to at least do a few visits to the 2 year old section and see how you rate it? It would give you a better feel for your options if anything goes wrong further down the line too.

the preschools round here are the same as quint's. might be worth looking into.

LisaLisa, you know your child best of course, but you are speaking about a child with 4 older siblings, why would mixing with older children overwhelm him?

My sons preschool had divided the children according to age groups. 2-2 1/2 year olds, 2 1/2 to 3 year olds and 3 -4 year olds, where the oldest group received a more formal preschool learning. (They of course stayed in their groups as they progressed through the school) You may find that this is very common, especially if you find a montessorri preschool/nursery, which in any case is very focused on the individual child and their abilities and individual characters.

I think the fact he is articulate can only help him at pre-school, because he will be able to tell the nursery assistants/teacher if he has any problems with other children.
He sounds such a sweetie and clearly has a great time when he is with you.
If you have any concerns about how he will cope, perhaps you could have the au pair/ nanny take him to a toddler group before you enrol him in pre-school. Quite a few toddler groups run two or three times a week.
If he has any problems at the toddler group then the au pair can report back and you could decide after that.
My personal instinct would be to wait until he is three for the pre-school. I don't know the set-up at the school you mention, but the school nursery my DS attends mixes three and four year olds. I wonder if that might be slightly overwhelming for such a sweet 2.5 year. On the other hand he sounds so laid-back that he might not be phased by all the grabbing of toys etc...
I understand that our nursery staff are great at sorting out disputes, but there are only three of them and fifteen children.

2.5 is fine for a couple days at preschool - most only start 2, 3 hour sessions as week anyway. It would get him out of the house and he would love it.

i don't think there's anything wrong with pottering around at home. ds is 2 in june. he sleeps for about 3 hours a day sometimes 4. then he just potters around playing with his toys or i put paints/crayons etc out for him.
but if you are unhappy with it why not send him to a preschool?

lisalisa - it's only been a few weeks of this routine - no harm done - what a lovely obliging little boy he sounds! i really don't think you should feel bad about this it's just a blip - you sound like a lovely caring mum

Of course he hasn`t had any damage by this little "variation" in his care !!!
It sounds to me like he has the most caring mother on earth, already picking up on his needs and acting on it.
He sounds a little treasure and is lucky to have a mummy like you ......
Give yourself a break .....

Don't forget that a nursery room for 2 year olds will be different to a proper pre-school - it sounds like you are imagining him in a pre-school environment but he will presumably be with other babies/toddlers of the same age who will also be only just verbal - the staff will be used to figuring out their needs and they have different staff/child ratios and much more cuddles etc. Probably lots of children at the nursery will still be having naps (and he could always come home and nap at home).

Why don't you go and do a drop in and see what you think?

Another thing to bear in mind, if you are planning on starting him there anyway in a few months time then it might be better to start early and give him continuity rather than chopping and changing between providers.

lisalisa, I know what you mean about a gentle child being sidelined in a busy environment like a nursery. My children have always been vocal - they weren't always the happy outgoing types, but they knew how to get attention from the carers if they needed it.

All I can say is that if your ds enjoyed playschool before, he is likely to enjoy it now. Don't underestimate him

Not at all!
Mine went to preschool 5 days per week from 9.30 to 12.30 and absolutely loved it. He would have a packed lunch, sandwiches, fruit and youghurt after, and fall asleep on the way home, and then wake up to home time and his toys.

Hey lisalisa, it is only during the day that your ds is spending his time at home. He is getting proper stimulation after 4:30 on a weekday and on weekends. Like you said, it has only been for a month. You are doing great. I am sure your ds is fine.

I know you said your MIL is ill, but can she at least just allow to ds to potter around in the mornings in the living/playroom with his toys until a more natural naptime window. If your ds is so obliging as to lie in bed, I can't see him being much bother playing with his toys. Heck, even putting him in front of the telly is better than lying in bed. Hope it works out.

I think it is worth trying preschool. He sounds so sweet. He must be bored stiff poor love!

How does she get him to sleep that long? I would be a little suspicious.....

well i'm biased but i vote for childminder
i think 3yrs is a good age to start pre-school - i thought i'd have problems with my ds starting pre-school as he's always been looked after by me or family but he loves it and barely gave us a backwards glance from the first session!!

goodluck

I reckon he'd love a morning session at a nursery.

have you only just realised she lets him sleep for 4 hours in the day? if not then why on earth have you not told her this is not what you want for him? i don't think any lasting damage will have been done as it sounds like you all do fun things together when you're in charge - i'd suggest using a childminder - most c/m's will do a group in the morning - lunch - nap - school run - home play your ds would have children to play and lots of stimulation within a home enviroment.