Getting Advice via Internet Forums - Employers of Nannies, Nannies, Childminders etc.

It's been said well by a number of people below (or above, depending on how you read!) - you just post AS IF everybody you know is going to read it, & recognise it's you writing it.

I think that is just basic good discipline - ie it makes you think twice before even getting into some issues so publicly - as in - am I going to look unreasonable? well, maybe I am .. so maybe I am being unreasonable ... and then, like Fagin, think you'd better think it out again (ie privately).

the problem with open boards is that anyone can read the pages - whether NJ,MUMSNETT or NETMUMS - and you dont have to be logged in

so be careful what you write,if you think your nanny/employer might read it BUT on the other hand everyone should be able to ask for advice

I am a nanny - a good one I hope - I go on the internet during working hours - though mainly when charge is asleep - I was given passwords to both Mb and Db laptop - plus wireless is a wonderful thing.

I totally missed the furore yesterday and haven't read the NJ thread (hate the place, far too cliquey and snooty) but back to the original question...

I think the internet is a useful tool for getting people's opinions. Namechanging is obviously one way of maintaining a level of confidentiality about the situation and I wouldn't give personal details (names, locations, etc) but having said if I was having a problem with my employer I'd want to be very careful about where I posted it. The internet is public and if there was a chance my employer would stumble across it then I'd seek verbal advice from friends etc.

In that vein I'd like to think that any employer would do me the same courtesy and if they were going to post somewhere I might see it I wouldn't want to be able to recognise my situation.

Or just phrase everything hypothetically!

Maria, I agree, my previous nanny was getting married last year, and I think my DD had been to nearly every wedding dress shop in the area - I didn't really mind too much, because the nanny was very good.

What would bother me, is not the hour spent on the computer, but what it is used for. It seems particularly perverse that someone is spending that time bitching about their employer, whilst being paid by same employer, and even worse on today's example, when their employer is on the same forum at the same time!

Well, sorry, but NJ does strike me as a bit bitchy. Not everyone of course. But, I know plenty of nannies outside of NJ who are lovely.

Yes Athena it is nice to be appreciated as a nanny, as i was in some of my employment, especially when the nanny is doing a 12+ day, as I did with 3 kids under 5 at one point. Nj is no more bitchy than an other forums I might add, and I've seen worse

For what it's worth, Maria, I agree with you. I'm not bothered if the nanny types on the computer (but not for hours on end of course), I don't mind if the kids accompany her to the doctor, or if she takes them shoppping here and there. My nanny works long hours so I figure if she needs to squeeze some errands into her work day it's really not going to harm my children any.

No you parents are not paid by nannies, but I've done a lot of jobs while nannying that weren't supposed to be done, eg taking dropping off and picking up dry cleaning, washing up after parents as a favour, now I didn't mind doing things like that, but then the parents complained about me popping into a shop to get something for myself it.
If I'd done all my nannying jobs, doing things with the children nearly all day why can't a nanny have an hour on the computer if the children are occupied and happy? btw
I've got excellent refs from 3 long term jobs during my 18 years of nannying in the past, all of which were an average of 5 years per family.

...'JudgeNutMeg do parents not get together and discuss what their nannies do? on here'...

The parents are not being paid by the nannies.

Squiffy, I think Jenna is off today. But I agree with your post.

Jenna - I read both threads - the deleted one and the one on NJ and I didn't have the slightest issue with the employer - she asked for advice, refused to divulge details and from what I can tell she hadn't even done anything wrong in the first place (quite OK to include Bank Hols in annual leave entitlement of 24 days, rather than paying extra when your friend didn't work that day anyway). However the posts by you & your friend have come across as 100% unprofessional. You are BOTH being paid today, why do you think it ok for only ONE of you to work at a time, whilst the other comes on here to have a go at someone, give away their names and a whole host of other details in order to 'out' the employer.

FFS.

was to Twig btw.

Is this going to turn into a nanny vs parent fight debate?

"Ive had enough of this now. There is NO need to personally attack someone on a thread surely, its just nasty and unecessary!"

so you jumping into a thread that had been posted by someone wanting advice (under a namechange so not intending to reveal her identity), telling her you know her and know her nanny and how wonderful her nanny is and how much her children love her is not in any way personal? oh no.

JudgeNutMeg do parents not get together and discuss what their nannies do? on here
I was a nanny for many years, with excellent references and the children did colouring etc, while I did cooking cleaning and ironing for the children, and I might add jobs for the parents! How does that help the children's developement? If they were too old for a nap would do it while they did colouring etc! why can't the nanny take some time out to do something for herself? Even if it was just a cuppa
Parents who go out to work get a lunch break and can get out for an hour, nannies can't!
I don't think too many details were given on NJ, I've discussed problems on there at times and helped the others too but without giving names etc

I agree with WanderingTrolley

I don't see that the nanny did anything wrong posting for advice and support on a nanny forum ... and I note that neither employer nor friend of employer launched into a defence of the employer on that thread

I honestly think the difference here is that the mother / employer has not been given the same courtesy

It is a sad situation all round. I hope the nanny comes out of it with as much dignity as the mother is

Wanna be- again if you had read the post that you are quoting from and weren't taking my quote out of context you would know why the nanny was having problems!!!

Good grief.

If someone is posting on the interweb for advice, leave them to it, even if it's about you. Contact them offline and discuss.

Leaping onto a thread and letting rl into mn is weirdy and creepy. Have some dignity ffs.

Wannabe- The nanny is my friend and she alerted me to the post not the other way round....! I was sticking up for her...LOW...LMAO [grin}

If you are going to post at least make sure you get your facts straight!

Ive had enough of this now. There is NO need to personally attack someone on a thread surely, its just nasty and unecessary!

""she is amazing with your children, caring and loving and they respond to her very well and are incredibly happy
in her care"".

well she obviously ain't that great or her employer wouldn't be sacking her.

And if I was employing you, and discovered you were supposedly looking after my children, yet posting on the internet about me whilst they were in your care, I am sorry, but I would sack you. This is a breach of trust. One thing to raise issues such as this in your own time, not on your employers.

and why should they go home they are having a lovely time playing together..... wtf!

Mum is at work

The decent thing to do would be to take those children home. Their mum must be rather upset.