Au-pair smells (well reeks quite frankly) and too embarassed and english to say anything

How did it go?

FWIW, my husband insists on not wearing deodorant. He showers every day, sometimes twice, but even so, his pits often stink. Men need to be told directly they need to wear deodorant.

Maybe buy some Lynk shower-gel & spray when next at the supermarket?

mayhe he honestly doesnt know he smells,some people dont

friend ex mb smelt horrible&she was so used to it,she didnt reliese iykwim

you can either be subtl and ask if nneds any deodrant or you can just be blunt and say you smell a bit pongy - or maybe get DH to say it,might sound better from a man

i would like to think that a friend would tell me if i was pongy

Juliax3 - it's embarrassing, though, it's not just about being hygienic. What if someone had a bogey hanging down their nose, would you mention it or not? Or dandruff?

Hi I would say to him I am going shopping does he want you to buy him anything like deodrant, soap, food etc. This is a suttle slap around the head Or just be so honest and say that it is causing a problem.

my aupair also has a BO problem, but i think she is aware of it and regularly washes/deodorizes even in the middle of the day. but the other day i told her that i didn't want to embarass her, but her shirt was smelly. she took it well and changed it.

why do we have to apologise for asking them to be hygienic?

pretend that one of your kids complained that he is smelly?!

agree with JamesAndTheGiantBanana : say there is a funny smell coming from the room and investigate with him what it might be. brr.

so, did you break it to him?

My French AP (25 yr old woman) wiffed despite long daily showers, she didn't wear any anti-perspirant and wore clothes for days on end.

She kindly covered the whole lot up with a liberal dousing of lavender talc everyday though, which was actually worse. I'm still airing her room and she's been gone weeks!

Get DH to do it.

definitely get dh to do it, man to man..

Ah, I was envisioning an 18 year old...

TBH I would be far less embarrassed mentioning it to a man. Just be v blase when you mention it. e.g. XXXX is that pong you? My God, go and have a wash man. (Followed by a big winning grin).

Far far worse to be all cringey and apologetic when you mention it, IYKWIM.

I always get dh to do the embarrassing things like this. It's fair enough imo because they're not around so much to live with the consequences.

Id probably hire a stranger to do it!

Good luck, I think tell him, maybe he doesnt notice? And if he does notice but doesnt care then he either needs to clean up his act or leave!

The joy of living with a teenage boy! I remember how rank my brother and his room smelled when he was in his late teens - getting a girlfriend sorted that out though

On thinking about this further, I would say to him "There's a funny smell coming from your room, I think it might be from a build up of washing. Your clothes ARE a bit smelly come to think of it-no offence! do you need help using the washing machine buttons/cycles? I'm worried we'll get mould in the room, can you make sure you keep your clothes etc clean please?"

Make it more about the room than him. It's your property, he has a duty to look after it.

I think this is one situation where beating around the bush will get you nowhere. You just have to have it out with him, I'm afraid. And have to admit it would probably come better from dh/dp if you have one!

could your dp handle it?

Reassure him that he can use as much water as he wants, shower as many times a s he wants (say something like you know some families watch their water conusmption but you don't) and he can put his clothes in individual washes in the washing machine if he wants privacy.

I used to work with a girl who would literally tell people how it is. She would have no qualms about telling the men their breath stank or their collars were minging or the yellow stains under their arms of their white shirts was unnaccecptable and you know, they completely took it from her without any embarrassment or anything. She would just drop it into conversation, very matter of fact style. It worked wonders and all the mingers cleaned themselves up.

Be brave. I know it's easier said than done but this is your house and your employee. I recommend my friend's approach - don't think about what to say too much and don't be nervous. Position it in the middle of two other interesting bits of conversation as if it's no big deal but it is something that needs dealing with. Good luck.

Oh dear, not an easy one then.

Maybe not...just trying to think of a way to discuss it with him without it becoming personal.

Or why not put it down to cultural differences from his native country? Tell him that in this country people are generally fastidious about hygiene. Let him know cleanliness/daily showers are part of what people 'do' here....and that people generally wear clean clothes every day - with 'second' wearings acceptable only if there is no odor/dirt/stain! Just put it down as one of the quirks of the British character, and what is 'expected' in our society! Let him know that while he is here, he'd be wise to conform?

Yes. That way you can raise the whole issue without (hopefully) offending him.

Talk about 'pongy' DD and ask him to make sure he showers daily and that his clothes are clean so that she will understand how important it is.

Perhaps you could could just do it innocently enough, walk up to him with a cup of tea or bump into him somehow, and just in a jokey way go "ooh, bloody hell! Have you been running or something? you stink! haha" and then matter of factly say there's new shower gel/towels/industrial strength bleach in the bathroom, you'll watch the kids while he goes and has a nice shower. Don't leave him the option of saying "maybe later"

After that though, if he still doesn't regularly wash you'd have to say something properly.

Hmm- if his room is stinking, you have every right to say something, it's your house, why should you put it with it smelling and possibly going mouldy because of his lack of hygiene?