Nursery, childminder or grandparents?

I think grandparents 2 days a week and nursery for 2 days. Looking after a little one can be exhausting as much as the grandparents think it will be ok. I would want to put on my parents too much. It doesn't seem fair. Also if parents wanted the odd night out or a day together once in a while, it means one grandparent would have the little one for 3 days. What about the grandparents want to go on holiday? What's the plan.

PIL did an awful lot of childcare for SIL and her two DC, but as they grew, didn't know when to back off. They seemed to think of themselves as an extra set of parents. Became over involved in too many aspects of their life. Knowing too much. Always there. The problems grew as the DC became teens. No novelty in seeing their GP. Certainly no special bond. Just over familiarisation, frustration and resentment at their over involvement and lack of boundaries.
Now PIL are frail. 'Payback' is expected. SIL is tied living to where she is. Many regrets all round.
My DC had a great bond with my DM, she did very little childcare and they saw her once a month. Importantly too, we are beholden to no one.

I honestly think that when she’s slightly older (1+) nursery will be really valuable. Grandparents provide childcare, nursery provides early education.

I assume DD only works 4 days per week?

I would go for 1 day each per grandmother then the remaining days at Nursery.
This gives you wriggle room for the future should either grandmother become ill etc. Even at 60yrs it is surprisingly tiring looking after a baby/toddler.

I'd say split care between grandparents until the child is about 18 months or two if possible. Then add in some nursery too, whether one which is open from 8 - 6 or a pre-school type one with you doing wraparound. That's the age where they will get more wilful & tiring whilst also being ready and getting more from a more social atmosphere.
I also think it's good to have a "review" after 6 months, a year and so on. Either you or the other set or grandparents might have a change in circumstances and you're suddenly doing 4 days a week on a regular basis.

I think if your daughter and son in law don’t have a nursery or a childminder lined up then there might be very minimal choice in the matter.

for context; I booked my nursery place for DS3 the day after my 12 week scan.

Now, I had 2 other children at the same nursery so I knew I wanted to use them, but even so. Looking 16 weeks in advance and expecting a place seems unlikely.

I'd happily do a regular day a week as long as the t was mid-week. I'd be wary of offering more because I'd have to offer the same support to any other grandchildren in the future.

I'd happily do extra to help when if the parents were stuck in illness.

If grandparents are willing and have the energy, I would say that is preferable for the child. However a slight note of caution - my mum is similar to you (64, ex TA). My mum and dad do childcare for my niece, who is now 3, but they have done it since 1. I know my mum finds it tiring having my niece alone. So I would be careful not to over commit, or at least agree to review it at points and consider nursery later if needed.

Grandparents solution sounds perfect as long as everyone is on the same page, and nobody's going to get offended if nursery seems a better option later for any reason.

I agree

Has your daughter actually enquired about nursery places in your area? 4 months would be nowhere near enough time for a free place in my area.

Depends what kind of childcare would be provided in the home setting eg would you be willing to take them to toddler groups etc?

Grandparents all the way.

I wouldn't want to leave a 9 month old with strangers.

I think no nursery if possible, it’s expensive and I imagine with the chopping and changing between three different situations plus home, it might be easier to remove one of those for the baby. Then nursery could be a back up plan for if a grandparent needs or wants to change their plans later down the line.

Think it’s lovely you’re both thinking of doing it!

Wow your granddaughter is so lucky to have such fantastic support! I would say if you are both truly happy to do 2 days each then that is the nicest option whilst she is so little. You could look to change and add nursery at around 18 months or so when she might start to truly appreciate the more social side of being with other children.

That's not to say she'd be unhappy or disadvantaged in nursery or anything but if it's not needed then why not keep her with people who she is properly loved by.

My friend did this and it worked well. Her DD did three days with one set of grandparents and two with the other. But she started nursery at two and a half.

My mother in law seems to have no interest in helping when it comes to childcare for my nearly 1 year old. My mum has had her 4 days a week since my girl was about 4 months. And aslong as she is happy and willing, I wouldn't have it any other way! The bond with grandparents will be like no other!

Family childcare can work amazingly well if everyone gets on well enough that they can be honest, and the situation is reviewed (and no offence taken if a different choice is made).