Niece's baby girl and childcare

1 day a week is a big commitment. The thing is once you start doing something it becomes your job and an expectation. Then people get arsey when you can't do it and are sick or want to go on holiday. They forget all the times you've helped them and he upset because you're letting them down. I wouldn't commit to a regular day/time ect. A one off in an emergency is a very different thing.

Why do you feel honoured that your niece has asked you for help? It makes it sound like you feel like she's the one doing you a favor here.

It's up to you if you want to commit to this childcare arrangement, but in your shoes I'd at least make it a condition that your niece brings and collects her child to and from your house.

@avecmum "you cant be moving far as you've got child care duties" I definitely think you are being used. if they want you to babysit on a regular basis then they should be taking baby to you, not the other way round. the other problem i see is your parent with dementia. what if they get worse and they really need your help on a dailly basis? would your niece be understanding if you were not suddenly available? what if your own children were to have babies, would they be still expecting you to baby sit their's and not your own grandchildren??

So they’re basically trying to wangle free childcare!!! They need to realise the reality of having children and the cost involved. Or perhaps they do and that’s why they’re asking you to do a day. 😏

I would just say that you are so touched to have been asked but, you don’t want to be unreliable what with your mother being unwell and also that financially you can’t commit either. Explain that you are currently looking for work as you’re struggling with money. This will be when you see whether they’re asking you because they genuinely want you to have their daughter or whether they want free childcare. If it’s genuine then they will offer to pay you!! This would be best case scenario because it would potentially be useful to you also (if you want to look after her that is).

I’d also explain that you’re more than happy to have their daughter in last minute scenarios or if they want to go out in the evenings etc. I don’t think you can say fairer than that. And if they don’t like it well- that’s on them.

Say no if you want to say no. But please do not give this mum who will struggle for childcare all your essays about your dad or working or moving house. Of course while it’s horrible especially what you’re going through with your dad, she doesn’t need to hear all of that as your answer because it just sounds like any excuse to say no. Just leaving it as ‘I’m so sorry, i need to get a job so i can’t commit to a day a week’ is enough

DO NOT DO IT!

I looked after my DN when my SIL went back to work for 2 days a week. It's a massive pain in the arse arranging your life around somebody else's childcare needs; I would never do it again!

Agree with PPs - you have to be firm and actually use the word no, even if you have to wrap it up a bit.
And let's be clear, you do NOT have childcare duties. Cheeky fuckers.

She should have factored in childcare costs when she and partner decided to get pregnant.

Just tell them that your father is increasingly reliant on you so you cannot commit to a regular childcare arrangement

Oops. Very sorry @Trenda. I got that wrong.
You were right of course. My apologies.

Just say no, can't commit.
If it is true, you can say you are happy to help if there is a breakdown in childcare or emergency.

Don't feel honoured. It's not an honour...it's hard work and you'd be saving her an absolute fortune. Don't do it. You are busy enough. You will also struggle to get out of this arrangement.

My mum used to help with childcare but my dad has dementia and I was the one who said ‘I don’t think you can do this anymore.’ Looking after a baby / toddler and someone with dementia is too hard, and as things progress, frankly dangerous.

It’s a huge commitment and you’re absolutely not obliged. x

I’d stop feeling honoured/obligated and realise she’s a cheeky cow for trying to make you give her free childcare and dictating where you live. I mean, really.

Firm no thank you, don’t apologise for not saving her thousands of pounds a year, don’t say you’ll be there if she needs anything. The baby has two parents and however many grandparents. You are none of those people!

Would it help if they paid you? Likely still much cheaper than nursery. Mine have been to nursery since 1 so I'm not anti-nursery, but if the option had been there for them to be looked after by a relative (even at a cost) I've have taken it.

Huh?
She is a blood relative. Her niece is her brother's daughter.

Just tell her straight that it’s a no and make it soon or you will be guilt-tripped because “But I was counting on you being available!”

Just say something along these lines. You’re happy to help at times but cannot commit to a day every week as you are looking for work yourself.

If she is working long hours and not earning much, perhaps she needs to look for a different job!

Of course you shouldn't feel under pressure to do this. Offering to help in emergencies is more than enough and should be greatly appreciated. You are under no obligation to do anything at all.

If your niece and her DH both work long hours in finance, and their mum is already helping out with some days, then I'm sure that they can afford to pay for good quality childcare on the other days.