Help me to get my Mother's Help back on track, or to dismiss her without confrontation

I think that there should be a bit of give and take re running errands. I wouldn't mind my childminder calling in at the post office and buying stamps en route home from school, for example. But what your MH did sounds too much, especially since the car tax should have been purchased weeks ago - presumably by the end of Feb.

I think the key thing here, clumsymum, is if you have a contract with her - can you refer back to that and point where she isn't performing as outlined in that contract?

Also, you need to be careful about disciplining her over things that you have now decided that you don't like as opposed to things that aren't set out in the contract.

I'm with you in that I think she shouldn't be running her personal life at the expense of your child's care, but if you haven't stated that she can't do that in the contract then it's a bit more difficult to handle.

It doesn't mean you can't raise the issue, obviously, but you will have to phrase it carefully. I would also suggest that you have a think about any other things that you don't (or do!) want her to do and use the opportunity to work out an agreement that suits you and that she is happy to abide by.

(Always assuming that she doesn't really want to swan off to her wealthier employers, of course!)

Message withdrawn

I think Lisalisa was just saying "wouldn't it be grand if we could. Don't you agree?" I don't hink she was seriously suggesting we do this. She's a lawyer after all.

She certainly named and shamed herself on nannyjob - I had no need to do it!

I agree about the libel laws but we could set up a email group - how about that? I don't mind adminstering it - my email address is Mrs_Recycle at yahoo dot co uk. Feel free to email me (and anyone else).

How is your ds after your Nanny's departure? It is amazing how resiliant they are isn't it (and seem to remember just the good ones)?

lisalisa, i can't believe that was a serious suggestion? of course we can't have a page "naming and shaming" rubbish nannies! were you serious?

Message withdrawn

Your MH sounds reminds me of two Nannies that I had that I sacked. The first one used to go everywhere (sign on at dole office/shopping/mums) except for my home which is where I wanted her. She even had a car crash with dd2 in it and didn't tell me. It was only after sacking her that I found out from dd1 (then aged 3) that she used to sit in the car for hours whilst Nanny went somewhere.

Next Nanny left dd2 (12 months) for hours on end in her cot and did no interaction with her whatsoever. Upon sacking her, I found out from a workman that Nanny had screamed down the phone at him saying she couldn't cope with the stress. I was as dd2 was not a good baby (constantly crying) and my heart broke thinking about what could have happened in the month Nanny was with us. I then got a serious of really nasty texts from her calling me a "b*tch" - she even had a go at a Nanny Agency.

Since then I've always trusted my instinct - your ds may be covering for her and once your let her go, a can of worms may be opened.

Definitely get rid. Give her notice if you have to. Pay her for the notice and get rid straight away if you have to. She is acting, IMO, like someone who is doing you a favour by looking after DS - but you are paying her!!!

Personally, I would be looking for someone else. Does your DS actually like her?

clumsymum, she's shite. get rid.

I thought children had to be in a high backed booster until 12?

I would write down all the points that aren't making you happy and refer to the contract for what she should be doing.

Make it clear she is not to run personal errands without your knowledge and agreement before hand.

She sounds awful tbh and I do think she needs replacing.

Maybe she is hoping you will get rid so she can sue for notice rather than quit herself???

I would be really unhappy with the whole situation if I were you - you should have a meeting to go through exactly what you expect of her asap.

getting someone you have never met to pick ds up ...I would be really upset.

She sounds hopeless - why on earth is she running her personal errands whilst being paid by you? Surely she had the rest of the day to get her car taxed!

I also would not be at all happy about someone else in her family caring for your DS, instead of her!

cm so her and her partner or just her partner?

Either way my thoughts are if she had her partner around it does not take 2 people to tax a car, you can tax your car at any main PO was there not one closer? But also you are paying her to look after your child not run her own errands.

After a day at school (even without cub camp, which actually surely she should have known about if she works with your children 5 days a week) my DD is exhausted and does not want to trudge around and queue in the PO.

Why did she not inform you in advance that this would be happening?

I think you are going to have to get rid, she seems to have stopped focussing on what your DS needs and is being selfish.

she doesn't sound too great on any front tbh
You pay her to put your family's needs first..not hers

clumsymum, I hope your ds is accounted for by now. Does your MH have a mobile/

Interesting point about the fact that she's working all weekend. I interviewed a nanny ages ago and she sounded very keen and her references were good. However, she worked every weekend, all weekend, for a family where the mother had been paralysed in a dreadful crash and couldn't therefore manage her children as she had done before. I asked her how on earth she could manage full time for us (often long long hours) and work all weekend (including getting up in the night) for this other family without having a break all week. She reckoned she could do it but I knew she couldn't. She was getting paid a lot of money by the other family (through the other driver's insurance) and she seemed to think that the money was enough to make it workable (). She ended up working for one of dh's colleague's family and she last 6 weeks.

As always, I agree with Eleusis. I think she makes a very good point about the shelf life.