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Original poster

Nanny - are my expectations too high?

132 replies

Tyletylertyler · 14/09/2023 21:27

I'm employing a nanny for 21 hours a week. I'm not sure if my expectations of her are too high and I'd appreciate some opinions. I didn't go through the agency route and actually the children already knew her before she became our nanny.

My children are 6 and 4. The 4 year old likes her though I wouldn't say they are especially close after six months but the 6 year old doesn't seem to get on with her much at all. She seems to have no respect for nanny and I don't think nanny is very good with disciplining her - she can be difficult sometimes but she's always been good at nursery, at school and at after school club. I have overheard nanny talking to them sometimes and the discipline always sounds quite half hearted (almost a plea rather than any real boundaries / control).

The main issue I have with her is that she seems to lack initiative and is quite careless about things. Every time they do a messy activity there will be a new stain on the carpet (paint, slime, etc). She scratches all my non stick pans by using metal utensils in them even though I've asked her not to and put a pot of wooden spoons next to the hob. She just dumps all the kids stuff back in whatever box so their toys are never nicely put away and she'll put pens and even paints away without lids on. Shes not doing it on purpose i don't think, she just doesn't notice these things. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what I feel isn't working but I think it is a lack of initiative / common sense. If I give her any feedback she gets quite defensive and I don't feel like things don't change enough.

Another example is that I have to remind her repeatedly to meal plan, I asked her to let me know in advance what she needs for meals to cook them but the week rolls around and she hasn't done it - in fact she never has. I come home and my heart sinks because the kids have often eaten no dinner (because they don't like what she has cooked) yet they will be down from the table and playing, there'll be a new stain on the carpet, the toys are all chucked in random places and there will be some mess in the kitchen. She's always 5 minutes late. It's all little stuff but it's building to a point where I feel like she's just not a good fit. She's quite young still and i feel like she requires lots of input from me.

She is my first nanny and I am worried I am just being way too fussy and need to relax a bit. I don't know how much time I should give this.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
tt9 · 15/09/2023 12:06

tbh I would get a new nanny. you are ultimately paying for a service which you are not getting. its not about being fussy v chilled. even if you show her/ask her - if she is defensive change is unlikely.

the new nanny might need a few weeks when you are around more and talk through your expectations etc. but if you find someone experienced that won't take long

Original poster
Tyletylertyler · 15/09/2023 11:46

Child has TV time once a day yes

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 15/09/2023 11:32

Yes, if she has time during those 10.5 hrs where she can sit down without child and plan? Is the 4 year old home all day? If no nursery or nap then you need to tell nanny she can let 4 year old have tv an hour after lunch each day so nanny can use that time for planning and cook prep.
I presume currently she’s taking child out and about, and entertaining indoors so maybe doesn’t feel she has the time to prep and plan if child is needed full attention

Rainraingoawaycomebackanotherday · 15/09/2023 11:30

Nannies who meal plan tend to do it while younger children are napping. When in her working hours do you want her to meal plan? Have you told her that.

Original poster
Tyletylertyler · 15/09/2023 11:27

She only works 2 days a week, so it is 10.5 hours on each day. So I would just be asking her to plan the meals on the days she is working. I thought that was a standard part of the job?

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 15/09/2023 09:45

Does she have free time allocated to meal plan etc? As if she’s only doing 21 hrs per week isn’t that very part time, like just an after school nanny?. I wouldn’t expect one to have time for full on meal plans and cooking if they are doing school runs, park, entertaining children, homework,cleaning etc in just 4hrs. Usually a full time nanny would have 2-3 hrs a day to do food shop, cook, clean, prep activities whilst children are at school/ nursery/ napping.

In your senario I would just do a fixed 2 week meal plan, shop for it, and she just cooks the same simple things.

caban · 15/09/2023 09:39

I'd sit her down for a formal review.
Choose three things as performance targets. Eg meal plan written and followed every week. Toys all organised and back in right boxes every night. On time every morning.
Discuss discipline together and come up with a plan with appropriate sanctions for 6 year old and back the nanny up.
Be really explicit about what you want with clear goals.

Set a review date for 6 weeks time to meet again.

If she can't manage the job to your required standard by then, you might need to look for someone else.