Nanny - are my expectations too high?

If homecooked food is important to you, you need to prepare meals she can just heat up. It’s entirely possible she can’t cook and she clearly has little interest in it.

I think meal planning is a normal part of the job but IIRC, when we had a 2 day a week nanny I think we just told her what to make. Would have involved proper cooking once a week (eg bolognese) and other day something really simple like maybe chicken, rice and a vegetable.

Former nanny here. She sounds awful and I’d find someone new.

Of course stains occasionally happen with kids and messy play no matter how hard you try to avoid them, but they certainly shouldn’t be happening all the time.

she should be able to organise toys appropriately at the end of the day.

I personally never did a menu plan myself. The family would say what they’d like me to cook, have the ingredients ready, and give me the recipe.

But ultimately, she doesn’t sound as though she’s taking this job very seriously, or she’s just a big clueless.

This. Get a new, experienced nanny and ask questions about all these sorts of things when you get a reference. Or ask the old employer if nanny was doing all these things for them

getting her to meal plan 2 days sounds stupid, just do your own meal plan for the week and tell her what to cook. When I was a nanny I was always told what to cook by the mum.
the messiness is annoying but you either need to have a serious chat with her or fire her

I’ve worked very hard to find nannies for DC who were the best match for them and they’ve had really strong bonds. There are occasional things I’ve had to overlook but genuinely they are occasional and frankly I think that’s true with DH! We’ve had 2 and it’s been great, neither had heaps of childcare experience but excellent fit for how we parent and great for DC.

When our nannies joined we wrote detailed info including the kinds of meals they eat, how appliances work etc. We’ve never meal planned but they just put things together based on what’s in the fridge etc.

It’s a bit horses for courses. Someone above said it’s just about compatibility and misaligned expectations rather than what she “should” be doing.

Age doesn't come into it. What you've described, is basic day to day.

She's working to the value of her salary, and sounds like a messy sloth.

You're expecting way too much for what you're paying her.

Previous nanny here. Sack her, she won't get better; find someone with more experience and glowing references

It's not typical for a part time nanny to meal plan, I think that's asking too much. Especially if she isn't good at it.

You'd be better off having a set meal plan of simple things you know your children will eat and leaving instructions for her.

It sounds like you're not a good fit with each other. Some people wouldn't sweat the toys being in the wrong box etc - but it's important for you so you'd be better off finding someone who is attuned to those things.

We have two Nannies who job share, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. One nanny has ADHD and leaves an absolute mess every time- but my children adore her, she is lovely, she has such great play ideas and so much energy. I think. She's fabulous and I am happy to cop the mess.

It's a matter of compatibility- not so much performance.

it sounds like she has a lot of inattentive adhd traits

She doesnt sound like shes even trying, tbh. Id have a formal talk about your concerns, and what you expect of her.
If i did that many things wrong at work theyd not keep me

It's normal to expect her to meal plan and cook. Can you ask her to buy the food so she is responsible for everything for those two days? Then you don't need to get involved. Different nannies will have different strengths and for some of them, it won't be cooking. I would find someone who is a better fit for you as it sounds like she's doing a few things without the care you'd expect.

I'd get rid of her and make sure you appoint someone tidy and organized next time.
There's no need for all the messiness and stains. You can't make untidy people suddenly become tidy.

Christ she sounds like my husband and I’m considering divorce for this behaviour! Definitely a review and then the sack after two weeks if it doesn’t improve

So how much are you currently paying her and where are you based if you mind me asking?

Is she actually qualified as a nanny? Or someone you know who does some babysitting?

I think she sounds a bit rubbish

i don’t think you are being unreasonable and it sounds like you might be better off replacing her. However, I think it’s probably important to recognise that when it comes to child care you often get what you pay for. You mentioned that you recruited her opportunistically (I.e. not through an agency), that she is part time and quite young. I think you are probably paying below the average for your childcare and that is being reflected in the childcare itself. Pay a little more and recruit someone with more experience. She’s likely miserable too and if she is not receptive to your feedback things are only gonna get worse! Try to severe ties amicably sooner rather than later!

Is she younger/is it her first role?

If so, I think these things are quite common, however I would sit down and have a review and ask what her expectations are of the role. I would say meal planning, children laundry and keeping childrens' areas tidy are all part of her responsibility. I say this as someone who was a nanny for 10+ years and who now employs a nanny.

In terms of having a bond with your children, it's a real shame she hasn't seemed to strike one with your kids yet! I think a really important part of the role at the start is to just focus on making that bond and then everything else (organising toys etc) all falls into place.

I also think that sometimes a certain person or family however lovely they are just aren't the right fit for each other. If this is the case don't be afraid to say it! A GOOD agency I think is worth its weight in gold for this match-making kind of thing. I'm certainly not saying you should terminate her employment, but I'd be a bit annoyed by my house getting wrecked or my children weren't happy if things don't improve after a review.

I'm guessing this lady wasn’t a nanny before?
She doesn’t sound great - is she following your children’s interests?
Presumably your 6 year old is at school during the day so she should have more than enough time to prep dinner and organise the kids resources and clothes looking after one 4 year old. Over two days I would expect her to also be doing a wash each day (one day uniform, one day sheets & towels) and changing kids sheets weekly.
If she’s doing slime/ messy play - she should be taking precautions to keep your house clean or waiting for a warm day and doing it in the garden. One accident is one thing but repeated mess isn’t.
Food - she should have a list of what your kids like but generally over two days a week she shouldn’t struggle - what kids don’t like a slow cooker bolognaise or making pizzas? Pasta bakes, fajitas, chicken noodles etc are all quick easy prep ahead meals that tend to be crowd pleasers.

In my nannying days I always felt like I had two lots of people to please - the kids by setting up activities/ going on outings and forming bonds etc and the parents - who would often work long hours. I would make sure that by the time they came home the kids stuff was organised and away, kids were fed (always ensured there were leftovers for parents that could be eaten or frozen), bathed and in PJs or PJs ready on pillows and kitchen/ living room clean with school uniform/ clothes out ready for the next day. No parent wants to come home to chaos - they want to come home and have that nice calm hour with their kids before bed.

Sounds like she doesn’t get that she’s really working for you (as well as the kids).

Honestly I think stains and marks on the carpets/walls will happen with kids. We redecorated when the kids grew out of paints/colouring in. Perhaps you should meal plan what you know your kids will eat. Just ask her to put away more carefully.