Nanny - are my expectations too high?

Sorry but looking after a 7 and 4 year old is hard work, she clearly plays with them and does fun stuff. Can't she give them a hotdog and chips? What's with the meal planning? What in earth are you expecting a young woman who is looking after your kids to cook? Spaghetti Bolognese? Roast dinner? Time, as i am sure you know, runs away with you. Cut her some slack. Also with the discipline, surely playing and having fun at this age, she is only with them for a few hours.

That pay doesn't sound great. Our cleaner is 17/h. I think you get what you pay for.

I would offer the solutions of directing her to where I want her to do messy activities. The stains at least do mean she is doing things with the children. Messy activities tend to be fun activities, so that's something. Can she do it in a room with a hard floor, for example?

As she's only there two days a week and the kids don't even like what she's cooking, why not just tell her what she is cooking? For two nights, choose things you know the kids like and get her to put it together.

The other things would annoy me, like the scratched pots and not tidying up well. I'd be most concerned that the kids don't seem fussed on her. I'd address not respecting the nanny with your daughter though. I think that's your job and, whether you keep this nanny or not, if your daughter is going to take attitude with the nanny you might find you have a high turnover rate of nannies.

From what you've written it sounds like she's just a bit lazy in all honesty

I'd look for someone else

As others have said, the main sticking point for me would be that the children aren’t fussed about her. I was a nanny for quite a few years and the great thing about the job is that you get to focus almost 100% on the children, rather than sharing your attention with life admin like you have to as a parent. If you fully engage with a child, whether doing fun craft activities or just joining in with imaginative play, it’s hard to not form a bond. I only looked after one child I didn’t ‘click with’ and I later found out that was due to the parents speaking disrespectfully about me in front of him.

All of my roles required a very in depth interview, usually followed by a trial day where I’ve spent a couple of hours with the children, with mum or dad still around, to make sure we were a good fit for each other. I’ve been to a few trial days where either the family or I myself didn’t feel it was quite right.

I did meal planning in both full and part-time roles during my working day, so I don’t think YABU expecting this. However, the parents always gave me a clear idea of what the children liked to eat and what their expectations were. So, one family was happy with store bought freezer chips or a quick pesto and pasta, whereas another liked everything made from scratch but provided lots of meal ideas. With a 4 and 6 year old, there’s no reason not to speak with them and find out what meals their parents make that they enjoy, so I find it odd that she’s making meals they actively dislike.

The messiness would massively stress me out. Of course children make mess and occasionally something gets ruined, but it shouldn’t be a daily occurrence. When I was nannying, I was more careful and tidy at work than I was in my own home. Although I was always clear than cleaning was not my role, if I turned up to a few bowls in the sink or a table that the parents hadn’t got round to wiping down, I’d take care of it. In regards to tidying up toys and craft materials, I would have encouraged a 4 and 6 year old to help. Never in a million years would I have ignored a direct request to put the toys back in a specific way, especially if asked more than once.

One thing I would say, though, is that I was paid the same in 2013 as your nanny is now. You really do get what you pay for. I never worked for an agency but I knew others who did and they are very good at matching the right people. Also, they’re great for people who haven’t had nannies before, as it isn’t always as simple as putting out a job advert and hiring somebody you like.

Full days

It's difficult with part time hours even if they're dull days, but keeping things as she found them is standard. I've hired a lot of nannies at various points and the thing I learnt was: get level 3 qualified people.They take it seriously.

The pot thing would be enough for me.

How difficult is it not to use metal on non stick.

That would piss me off no end.

My teens got that first time round.

Get rid, she's either lazy or dim, or both.

How much are you paying her right now? You say you'd be looking for someone new paying 14/15 pounds/h working 21 hours a week.......how many daily hours you expect your nanny to work?

She sounds more like a babysitter than a Nanny. I would ditch her and get someone more experienced.

If I’ve read your last post correctly, £14-15 p/h would be her new hourly rate if she got her pay rise. What are you paying her at the moment OP?

You don't like her and neither do your children. That's enough in my opinion. Give her notice and recruit again. This time you'll have the benefit of this experience to help you decide which questions to ask and duties to stipulate in your recruitment process.

Why are people going on about meal planning like it's hours of work. It takes 10 minutes to write a shopping list for a few basic meals. It's only 2 days a week, she can do the same meals every week if necessary.

I don't understand why she needs to meal plan when she only works 2 days a week? Surely YOU meal plan, buy the food and just tell her what to cook on those days??? Are you telling me you purposely only buy plan food for 5 days for your children and expect her to do the other two days? That makes no sense.

Why does she have to meal plan? Just make sure there is stuff in that she can give to the kids that you know they like

as someone else says how does she know what your children have eaten the other 5 days? I’d suggest you plan the meals and just let her know what to cook. That way your children will eat something they like.

Presumably that's the nanny's only break though? So I wouldn't expect her to meal plan during it.

She doesn’t sound very good.
get rid

I think its better for you to meal plan & get food to cook rather than her as its only 2 days and she might be cooking what they had the day before. But she really doesnt sound very interested in the job…

Is she qualified?

And why would you have someone your child doesn't like?

Forget the meal planning, buy stuff you know they'll eat and tell her to cook that, make it easy stuff so she's got more time to tidy away.
Have review with her and explain about tidiness and putting down covers for messy play.
In review listen to her too, there may be things she needs to raise with you

This. Your expectations will depend on how much you pay her.

On face value on your OP, she's not the right fit for your children/family but with high expectations, comes high remuneration.

My advice is to have a good talk with her. Maybe she's finding it difficult to discipline your 6.y.o because you both have different parameters about what "discipline" means. Have you given her a list of meals your children like/dislike? Have you talked in length about their personalities, their quirks, and how they respond to their carers?

Nannies need time to know the kids, and it's essential they have active communication with the parents so everyone can be on the same page.

If you are still unhappy, terminate her employment. She is not giving you/your children what you need.

In what way is this lady a nanny? I expect a nanny to have had training and know, for instance, about getting children to do what they want them to. It sounds to me as if she's unqualified as well as inexperienced and you're probably getting her for less money than you would a proper nanny. Maybe you need to upgrade.

Agree with others that she doesn’t sound like a good fit. You’re never going to find Mary Poppins, but there should be at least one thing that you can say that’s “standout” good about her when she’s looking after your kids. So - if the kids have really bonded with them, you can overlook a bit of mess. If she’s a terrific cook, then you might be more relaxed about a more limited range of activities (or vice versa - if someone has them out and about and stimulated, then beans on toast isn’t the end of the world). But you seem very “meh” about her in total. And if she feels the same about her job, it’s not great all round. I’d look for someone else.

Is she trained and qualified?