Nanny - are my expectations too high?

Sorry if I missed this information - how old is the nanny?

How does a mum managed to cook for 2/3/4 children

A good professional organised nanny will easily be able to cook a healthy meal and do childcare

Meal planning and cooking proper meals hasn’t been part of what our nanny did, unless she’s given extra time to do those tasks. How will she find time to cook looking after two children? Unless it’s a very simple bowl of pasta or sandwich, YABU.

For what it’s worth I pay my current nanny (after school only) £13 ph in London. She is self employed as she has another role as a creative. She’s a fantastic fit for us and were all v happy with the arrangement and as I said before there are only ever v occasional issues.

Tough one really. As a past nanny though, you do need to ensure your kids are showing her respect whilst she is with you all, even if you are not thinking positively about her at present.
I worked with 2 school aged girls and they got away with being so disrespectful and rude to me. I started to dread going in. Mum always had an excuse for them such as they were tired or had a sore throat which is why they were ignoring me. Crazy.
Good nanny relationships start with respect, trust and good communication.

i think everyone is getting a bit hung up on the salary aspect of this discussion (in part because I brought it up). My intention was never to shame you for the rate you pay your nanny. My suggestion was to replace her, and when looking for a new candidate consider paying a little more. The people who are “attacking” you might be ex-nannies or nannies (like myself) that have all too much experience being lowballed by employers. “Market rates” are helpful but they don’t always reflect what you should be paying individual. These thing depend on such a wide variety of factors including the duties you include , the number of children, the age of the children, the hours you can offer, the experience of the nanny, live-in/live-out situation. Your expectations and the role you describe places you at the higher end of the scale compared to someone with say school aged children and no cooking. Its actually refreshing as a childcare provider to hear people sticking up for our pay and people recognising that a skilled and caring nanny deserves to be remunerated well.

Feel really sad reading this post. These are your kids FFS why would you have someone they don’t particularly like or bond with take on a nannying role for them. That is a far bigger consideration than whether she puts the toys back in the right box!! After 6 months I would expect a child to be close to a Nanny that has them 2 whole days a week and does everything for them on those days and I wouldn’t settle for anything less personally.

Maybe she is worried if she used the chicken for example that you wanted it the next evening for you

Just say use the chicken mince salmon etx

Why is she 5mins later. Does she drive or take a train /bus

Get rid of her OP!

I doubt very much whether you have seen a genuine Norland Nanny prepared to work for £14ph.
https://www.norland.ac.uk/salaries-fees/
https://www.nannybutler.com/childcare/norland-nanny/#.

Norland Nanny Salary Guide
The average salary for a Norland Nanny is around £1,000/1,500 net per week. Once Norland Nannies have been in the job for more than a decade they can command anything up to £100,000+ net per annum.

That's net pay, after tax, NI and pension contributions have been paid by the employer. Do you pay your nanny's tax, NI and pension contribution or is she actually a freelance baby-sitter you've asked to do a 10-hour day? Do you pay cash-in-hand? Perhaps her lack of enthusiasm is related to her realisation that this is really not a good long term situation for her to be in?

The meal plan can easily be sorted if you leave her instructions. However, the other bits are not that difficult to follow. You are not satisfied with her so look for another nanny.

I only had one good nanny and she left for a professional job unrelated. Really hard and stressful. Hope you are luckier with the next one.

From where I’m sitting she’s giving off massive DGAF vibes.

I think the cooking/meal prep side of things needs to go - it may not fit in to her hours/days and is tricky for a PT nanny and perhaps for a younger person with less experience of family meal planning.

But everything else together is just poor. I have children this age and part of the daily routine is stopping five minutes before bedtime or dinner to tidy up. And she can find something other than slime to do if she doesn’t have a handle on setting up the activity so there isn’t mess everywhere.

We had a babysitter (who was training at a V prestigious nanny college) who was similar. My children, who are v well behaved at school and clubs etc were awfully behaved with her. Like you I heard her trying to maintain boundaries but it was so half hearted I can see why their behaviour is appalling. There were other issues too: I put it down to youth (maybe not getting what it is like to keep a home clean etc) and lack of experience. I stopped using her when I came home at 11 after a meal out and my son was in the living room having just refused to go to bed. No big shakes. I do think she will have a big problem being a full time nanny though unless she ups her skills, especially as the college she comes from tend to cater to them Wealthy. If you’ve tried giving feedback and it is t working I would look to change nanny. Sadly I do think that children are very clever and once they know you are someone who they can mess about they will continue to do it. Does she have permission to give rewards and punishments?

Nope, each situation is different.

I don't neal plan, Icook from what's available. You're cooking 5/7 evening meals. You know what they're having the other 5 nights.
2 nights a week I'd just agree on 2 meals she can cook that your kids like.
OR
personally I'd just cook extra portions of something we are having, that they like for her two nights, then all she has to do is heat them up.

also saves your pans.

is there an outside reason she's 'always' 5 minutes late? Like a bus route? 5 minutes late or getting the bus an hour earlier?

How much does it actually impact you?

i would come down HARD on the carpet stains with messy play. In fact as she's only there 2 afternoons I'd just ban it. Plenty of time when you're home.

or just give her notice & try someone else.

In my experience, nannies fall into two camps

• great cooks, very focused on nutrition, 50/50 if good at the nannying part of the job
• poor cooks, great at the actual nannying part.

That’s not very scientific but I can sort all mine into those categories. We talk still of those in the 2nd category and one in particular remains a family friend and cheerleader while the first type didn’t last for long.

Our best and last nanny did pasta/pasta bake and frozen food! We ended up buying prepared mash so that the kids wouldn’t eat chips more than twice a week. But she was fantastic, loved the kids and they loved her.

@purplevipersgrass paying a cleaner or dog walker for a couple of hours a week, who is self employed, is not the same as having a nanny employee. Even if you take into consideration a part time nanny commanding a premium, £30ph+ is mad. Here is a guide:

www.nannytax.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Nannytax-Salary-Index-22-23.pdf

Just to add where we are that pay per hour would get you someone with experience but with no qualifications. So I would have low expectations on the household/cooking stuff but obviously you need them to care for the kids really well. If I was paying a proper salary to a qualified nanny I would expect more.

I would expect cleaners to be on more

they have to provide cleaning products

jobs are usually 2-3 hours and have to travel between which wastes time and costs money

there will literally be no down time

cleaners round me aren’t cheap and I think they deserve every penny

I was brought up by nannies and they never had to meal prep or buy food.
there would be meals in the freezer that could be defrosted and heated up, and there would be a full fridge/freezer and larder. My parents were shit but they met as catering officers in the navy and they had food in the house.
it wouldn’t have mattered if we had nuggets, chips and beans the odd night if we had been busy playing.
however, if the kids don’t like her, that’s a big red flag. And I would expect things not to be ruined regularly
I do think your expectations are a little high though with the food

We’ve had quite a few nannies because of various reasons. I always try and keep my top priorities in mind. In my case, I don’t want them sat in front of the telly for long hours or fed loads of crap, and most importantly I want the kids to be happy with her. So the fact that your 6 year old doesn’t get on with her would bother me. Our best nanny left the house in a mess and couldn’t cook to save her life. But she had the kids outside a lot, did loads of art and games with them and they adored her. I used to leave her a dinner to heat up for them. I’d draw up a pros and cons list and focus it on the kids rather than than things that annoy you.

Our nanny wouldn't meal plan, she did 3 days a week and I would just let her know if something in the fridge wasn't to be eaten for any reason and i would ensure there was enough food in. She had great initiative though, and would cook things they liked and I felt it was good for them to have someone else's cooking/meals. She did only cook about 6 or 8 things and repeated them, which didn't bother me. She was proactive in finding fun activities and much better at disciplining than you describe.

I think expecting her to find time to create or find recipes and tell you what ingredients she needs is a bit much- maybe just say you've noticed that the children aren't eating her food, explain what they like and suggest you get those ingredients in your weekly food shop so she can regularly make macaroni cheese/spaghetti bol/whatever it is they like?
Our nanny was a great tidier, she often sorted cupboards, did washing, ironing and would (for example) pro actively sort their clothes each time the seasons changed and let me know what they needed. We are a messy family though and I often do things like throw toys in a box (if it's not on my table, it's tidied) so maybe my standards are lower! Aged 4 and 6 I'd expect the children to help her with this too tbh, she's not their servant! Also my daughter was 1 so she always had nap time for this stuff.
Have a "serious chat" and set her a couple of goals and if after a few weeks she isn't improving then I'd have a hunt for someone new. Ultimately fit is super important with nannies, maybe you just need someone with a different focus/style. If she improves in those areas, then she is clearly open to feedback and you can change the areas of focus.

£1 Sterling exchanges for around $2 in Australian dollars. So it sounds like the pay for nannies in Australia is about the same as it is in the UK. $15/h would be equivalent to about £7.50/h which would be illegal as it is below the UK minimum wage.