Nursery withholding pudding

Wow that's awful! DS went through a little phase of refusing dinner then demanding pudding, 3 ish at the time. He's always eaten well and a broad range, but at home pudding is fruit, yogurt etc mainly. Nursery once he went into the preschool class, it's custard with sponge or flapjacks, ice cream etc and he was asking for seconds of pudding after not even having a bite of dinner.

We asked them not to give him pudding if he had made no attempt to eat his dinner at all, they told us if we really felt strongly about it we would have to write a letter as they couldn't withhold food without written instruction from the parent, even pudding. We just told DS that if he didn't stop messing around and eat some dinner we would write that letter. It worked, and we didn't have to, but as I say that was him chancing his luck with dinners we knew he liked.
This kind of treatment could give a child issues around food for life!

I work in a nursery and we would absolutely never behave like this in a million years.
meal times for us are a social occasion. We encourage the children to serve themselves, taking turns. This way they can also control how much goes in their own plate (staff member sat with each table to supervise and assist where necessary). If a child point blank refuses after some gentle encouragement, such as us speaking to the other children about how the food tastes, and staff having a small plate of the same food themselves, we will offer a slice of toast or a couple of crackers etc. Children can’t learn when they are hungry and some are with us for long days!
we would also never ever refuse pudding. We usually just have yoghurt or fruit for puddings, but occasionally treats such as a small fairy cake etc. I’d rather a child ate something than nothing.
my little one also attends my setting and it breaks my heart to think of him getting anxious at meal times. You’re in a difficult position as it’s your job but try looking elsewhere and move both yourself and your DC. I don’t know where you are exactly but early years is crying out for L3 qualified staff right now!

My DDs nursery give pudding regardless in order to ensure they try new foods no matter what. So not to cause issues with food.

I pay a fee for my daughter to have meals and snacks, so I expect that to be offered.

She also gets as long as she needs to eat, to reflect what is likely to happen at home.

I know with working there it will be difficult, but I'd bring it up next staff meeting.

If they try the 'we're preparing them for school' thing - my eldest DD is at school and can eat for as long as needed until their one hour break time is over - if she misses a chance to play outside because she's still eating, it's on her. They also sit children at mixed age tables so they're helped and modelled on behaviours.

I would find it telling if a nursery worker didn't have their own child in the nursery! If I were you I'd send DC to another nursery - their practice is outdated.

Defo report to ofsted asap and I would defo take ur child out and tell them to stick there job up there ass if that's they way they treat a child it's abuse....no one should force a child to eat something they don't want or like....

Please please report to ofsted immediately! This is abusive behaviour. I would not be sending my child there for a minute longer!!

I was forced to eat as a child and it created big problems for me to the point that I hated meal times. I genuinely wasn’t a hungry child and I was forced to eat when I felt full and it was absolutely awful. I still remember the anxiety about sitting at the table and knowing what was about to happen.
Awful outdated practice. Please remove your child from this situation.

Dear Christ!! Is this sort of sadistic nonsense still alive in 2023?

As a child brought up in the late 60s~ early 70s, it was common practise, but I cannot believe this is still happening.
Your poor DC.
I would report to everyone I could think of asap, make a written record for your self so you don’t forget anything and b3 an utter ‘pita’ to them.

Vile people like this should not be allowed anywhere near children, the elderly or anyone vulnerable quite frankly.

You are your child’s voice, op, start shouting!

I'd be so cross. There is lots of information out there that shows how damaging this kind of thing is to children's eating habits. It actually can have the opposite affect to what they're aiming for.

My dd is a picky eater and sometimes will not eat any of her nursery lunch but they will give her pudding (as much as she wants) and offer crackers as an alternative. She never goes hungry and her lunch isn't stressful (which is exactly how it should be!).

Bloody hell, that's awful! Absolutely agree with the other PP. Food must never be used as an inducement or punishment. Very cruel.

This is terrible.

Sounds like they are stuck well in the past!

Paste sandwiches....odd odd odd.

Nope, my child would be out of there.
It's one thing to hold a standard of no dinner, no pudding (not saying I agree/disagree with it) and quite another to shame, punish and force-feed in what sounds like an abusive manner.

This is outrageous.

Please report to ofsted they are damaging children's mental health and well being.
'Breaking their spirit' is a phrase that comes to mind.

You won't get anywhere talking with staff/ managers/ owners as chances are they know it's happening and turning a blind eye. It's a culture. It's normal to them. You will probably be seen as a troublemaker.

I can't understand why you'd put your precious child in an environment where you know this happens. You obviously don't agree with it but you're allowing others to treat your child this way.

Imagine the confusion and upset these little children feel watching an adult have the power to throw away their treat in front of them.

If you took away 'nursery' and 'staff' and wrote this as at 'home' 'mum' does this to child, SS would be involved.

God, what do they do if a child has an accident when potty training or doesn't put a toy away.

This nursery needs closing down. Or contact Panorama.

Don’t talk to the owners, get him out of that damaging and abusive situation asap and report them to protect all the other children. Tell as many parents as you can to let them know - I would want to know.

This is abuse and this used to happen to me 58 years ago. I still remember it with horror. It also happened to Alan Titchmarsh in his autobiography. It will stay with him his whole life unless you do something now. It is very very cruel.

That is so bad. You must blow the whistle to other parents or Ofsted if you can?

How do they make any kid eat anything? I mean literally... how do they do it?

This is abuse. Definitely report x

I was actually just about to go to sleep and am now wide awake and feel so sad reading this. I so hope you take him out of there and blow the whistle for other kids too

My heart is pounding even just reading this. I literally wouldn't send my child there for another second, I would never ever ever ever let anyone treat my child like this knowingly. Please please take him out of there asap. How absolutely awful

Leave. Remove your child. Report to Ofsted/LEA/LADO as appropriate.

This sounds really outdated.

Our nursery often serve things like thai curry but there is ALWAYS a plain alternative. I fairly often get a report that one or other DC has only eaten plain rice, they don't force anything. They don't do pudding at meals but they do have an afternoon snack which is pudding-like - and this is offered totally independent of anything at lunch!

This is so bad.
30 years ago I was a ridiculously fussy child, I had to sit with all the other children but not once would any member of staff try and force me to eat. I went to a lovely nursery.

I had to take part in meal times, but if I didn't eat once everyone was finished I'd be taken into another room to eat a sandwich or something else that I would eat.
Still have major food problems now, but that was 30 years ago and it wasn't acceptable to do that to children then (in a childcare setting) but in 2023 with the amount we know about psychology in children especially on force feeding and restriction - report them! And take your DC out.

Please report to Ofsted, this is a huge safeguarding issue.
If you can afford to leave your job and remove your child with immediate effect, then please do so.

Throwing his yoghurt away, that would devestate my same aged child. Awful.

Because he didn't eat the entire roll they told him he wasn't allowed his fruit yoghurt and put it in the bin as punishment for not eating his entire roll.

This is horrible, withdraw DS straight away and let other parents know,