Grandparents no help!

Nobody ever helped me, help me or will. But i will do all I can to help when and if i have granchildren. God willing

We’ve accepted that while DP will provide care for my neices and nephews (and have done so since birth) they just don’t give a toss about mine. So we do activities with them for now.

We just don’t go out in the evening.

Anyway OP - my folks are on the other side of the world and DH's have made it clear that DH moved away (at 18!) and therefore keeping the relationship going is entirely his responsibility but can only take place on their terms. Childcare has never been on the table.

We don't go out together as much as we'd like. I think it's easier in areas like mine where lots of families have at least one immigrant parent or people have moved here from far away - people are more open to supporting each other with stuff like mutual childcare when there's a need on both sides. If there are lots of people who have their parents down the road it's tougher I think. And then yes, babysitters, which makes a movie or a meal out ludicrously expensive so we don't do it much.

We manage! But I had friends who were totally shocked when I recently mentioned that the last time we had a night away just the two of us was before our eldest was born nearly 12 years ago. But organising overnight childcare is a whole different ballgame, especially with two kids. The logistics of trying to arrange two sleepovers and be around for various drop offs and pick ups from weekend activities makes the whole thing a bit pointless.

Our date night is netflix and a bottle of wine. Honestly GP’s don’t have to help, it’s a nice to have but many manage without. I’m waiting for DD’s first overnight trip with school, which will be in 6 years according to their website.

I don't look after and love my kids in the expectation that they'll reciprocate when I'm elderly. I love them unconditionally and without expectation.

The relationship between a parent and their young child is totally different to the relationship between parents and their adult children. The latter should be more equal based on mutual respect and understanding, not an expectation from the parents that their adult children owe them a duty or that it's somehow payback time.

I find the 'they cared for you as children therefore you have a duty to them' argument so odd. They chose to have children and that choice comes with responsibilities. Being born does not carry the same responsibilities.

Young kids are knackering at any age, more so as you get older I expect.

Another one with no “date nights” here. DH and I went out for the first time as a couple a few weekends ago to go to a concert (rescheduled from pre-covid!). We paid a babysitter. It’s the first time we’ve both been away from DS (other than work!) since he was born. He’s now 3.

We try to make an effort once a fortnight to sit down after DS is in bed and have a movie night or a takeaway or something rather than being distracted by house work/work stuff/hobbies etc.

Our choice to have a child, therefore we sort the childcare if and when it’s needed. That being said, I actually don’t know anyone else in the same position as us 🙈 all our friends seem to constantly be on nights out or weekend breaks and have the kids at grandparents etc 🤣 it’s just not the type of relationship I have with my family!

Exactly

Date nights don’t really happen.
occasionally date lunches.

We don't have alone time.

Even though they cared for you?

You accept your lot, grandparents don't have to care but then you don't have to care for them when they need it

We just accepted we won't have nights out together unless it's a special occasion as we don't have family nearby. Doesn't bother me really. Don't fancy paying £10 plus per hour for a babysitter anyway. No meal out is worth that to me! Lost interest in spending loads on meals and drinks out. We can have quality time at home.

Another for who date nights hadn't yet been invented.

We may have gone to a Christmas do, otherwise we didn't go out together.

We had no help from grandparents either. We just had to get on with it and not have date nights etc. On the odd occasion, my parents or sister would be up visiting and mind the kids, but these times were few and far between. I wouldnt have had a stranger looking after them. It's hard, but it's not forever.

I agree with mischance, When mine were young 'date nights' hadn't been invented. We lived miles away from both sets of parents Saturday nights we would have a 2pt bottle of cider and 5 woodbines between us.

That’s really lovely you are happy to. Currently for us, our friends either have their own young children or child free friends tend to have big social lives so it just doesn’t work in our scenario.

Babysitters. When they get to school age they can go on play dates and sleepovers at friends.
Or book annual leave when kids are at school.

You pay for a babysitter. I honestly don't know anyone who has free family babysitting.

You pay for a babysitter. The presence of family doesn't automatically guarantee babysitting - its a choice not a given.

We don't have date nights. We get a takeaway once a fortnight when the kids are in bed and usually watch a film or play a game or something together on a Friday night. We book two days annual leave a year for date days whilst kids in nursery.

Date nights and alone time simply did not exist when mine were little! We all survived!

We pay for a babysitter - a woman from nursery we've known for years now. It means every night out costs a fortune and so is a rare treat. Otherwise we socialise separately.

I pay £11/hour for a babysitter. Unfortunately