Grandparents no help!

We paid for a babysitter and also chose holidays with childcare.

Like so many pps, no such thing as a 'date 'night. Having said that , when we only had one child we often went out for a pub lunch or to visit friends. Once we had more children it was harder and we didn't really have the money for nights out. I'm not sure that I would have inconvenienced my parents or ils for the sake of a night out even if they did live nearby.When the DC were older they did occasionally stay with GPs if there was a major social event on eg a wedding or similar.

We mainly order takeaway once the kids are in bed. We also each have independent friendship groups we sometimes do things with while the other had the kids.

My mum did babysit DC1 while I was in hospital having DC2, but that's the extent of help we've had.

Is 'alone time' just a euphemism for sex?

We belonged to what was called a babysitting circle. There were at least 20 members. We all knew each other and met for coffee once a month as well as having an evening meeting once a month with a speaker. If you wanted to go it you phoned round till you found someone who could sit for you. They earnt a point an hour which was registered with the organiser. You had to earn points in order to be able to pay for your sitter. It all worked very smoothly.

Neither mine nor my sons parents have ever babysat!

My parents barely see him.

Ours are dead so also no help .

Don't go out on date nights but book annual leave and have a day out when they're in childcare/school.

We have occasionally paid for a babysitter but mostly just don't go out together in the evening.

Sign up for Rainbows, Brownies, Beavers. That means kid goes away overnight by the time they're 6 or 7.

Date nights are a recently made up thing that couples managed without for generations. You can talk about the children and fall asleep before dessert much more cheaply and comfortably at home.

We started a babysitting circle with other friends with no extra support. We had five coloured wooden discs each and we 'paid' the babysitter with one. When we babysat for someone else, we got one. It meant as many nights out as you wanted as long as you were prepared to babysit other times. If you have any friends with small children, it could work for you maybe.

No date nights or weekends away. Only option was occasional cafe or pub lunch together on work lunch hour (DC at nursery).

Later you'd think sleepovers or school trips would help, but if you have 2 or more DC it rarely works out together.

But it's what you sign up for when you have children, isn't it! 😁

We don't do those things! Youngest DC is 5 - they've never stayed overnight away from us, we go out separately with friends, manage to have time together by taking a days leave when DC is at school, we have takeaways rather than dinner out & take DC with us when we're invited to friends for dinner (they all have kids too so we all do it). Only another 8 years to go til they'll be begging us to go for the night so they can be left alone or have friends round.

Lower your standards of a social life & you'll be fine!

Offer your parents an afternoon of gardening or decorating in return for an evening of babysitting.

Once they were about 18m we hired a babysitter once a fortnight for 90 minutes so we could go to the pub or the restaurant at the end of the road and have a brief bit of time to ourselves.

That's exactly my point.

Once the children are grown, there is no inherent responsibility to each other on either side.

In a mutually respectful and supportive relationship the parents may help out with childcare for their grandkids, and the adult children may help with care and support when their parents need it.

But there's no obligation on either side. There's certainly no obligation on the adult children to care for elderly parents simply because said parents provided care for them when they were young.

We don't. Think we have literally had one date night in 10 years. Actually the last overnight time we had sans children was our wedding night (when my mother very reluctantly took our 1 yr old daughter for us)

Oh I know that feeling. I go to one playgroup on a Wednesday and there are hardly any mums there just grandmas. Even my school run in the morning there’s a large percentage of grandparents. Very annoying

I would have hated to have family helping out- which is lucky as no one offered.
Child care is an important responsibility, so I pay for a babysitter with relevant experience.

We didn't have date nights
One mother's day treat was a trip to Legoland - it was a joy to see their joy
For the occasional "do" we paid a babysitter. Usually a friends' nanny.

@Dillydollydingdong I agree.

However, I won't pretend it wasn't galling in the extreme to go to playgroups and see the whole place awash with grandparents doing all the childcare. It was hard to see when we had no support from either side.

Grandparents did their bit bringing you up. Anything more is a bonus.

I have two kids. We don't have date nights or any time together alone. Maybe when the children are teens!

This exactly.

While I agree it's not obligatory unless there's been some sort of abuse or other extreme reason I can't understand why you wouldn't want to care for your parents. Or help with your grandchild. But it's the obligation and expectation that's wrong.

My earlier post was in response to a 'im not looking after you when im old cos you won't look after your grandkids'. All wrong.

They chose to have children and that choice comes with responsibilities

Yes it does and it includes looking after your own children and not expecting your parents to.

Works both ways.

Just pay. Or sometimes an arrangement with a friend can work. You babysit for her and she babysits for you. A lot of people don't live anywhere near their parents.