Nanny has offered free childcare

I don't understand why you are ruminating over this so much. Just tell the nanny that you don't want the other kid to come over for the reasons you've given. If you wanted you could call the parents and let them know that it's a no go. You can make up a reason if you need too.

Good grief I hope you've told her that it's a complete no go.

I would be very unhappy about this, particularly the initial lack of full disclosure around the arrangement. For me, a nanny is dedicated childcare and the nanny should be focussed on your children, not covering childcare for another parent without your consent.

The kids are going to a theme park. I used to go for fun, not for "childcare" reasons. It's not somewhere you'd go "for two or three hours and have tea". It's a long day out and for the child to have a friend she can potentially strike up a long term friendship with and someone her age to go on rides with is great!

Do we know the parents need childcare? Because the way the OP phrases it, the nanny suggested to the parents it would be a nice treat.

I've also hosted "playdates" that were actually free childcare for friends of my nanny child. I didn't get paid extra and the parents I worked for didn't get reimbursed for my time (and we're fully aware of what I'd agreed to). It was just nice for the child to have his friend round. It's just part of your children having friends.

This. The girls parents are very rude.

This is it in a nutshell, perfectly put

Playdates are one thing, two full days of childcare is a totally different story. I would talk to the nanny in more detail and find out what precipitated this and why she thought it would be ok to arrange two full days of childcare of another child without checking with you first. I am not confident she will be honest about whether she's being paid, you will have to ask the other parents that. But it doesn't matter whether she is being paid or not: your arrangement with the nanny is that you are paying her to look after your children full time. If she wishes to "moonlight" doing other childcare then she needs to do that outside of the hours she is caring for your children.

Don't be distracted by those claiming that if you do not allow her to do this then you are cutting your children off from all playdates. Anyone who cares for children knows that a 2-3 hour playdate at home, is not the same situation as a full day at a theme park. It's not just the amount of time, it's also the fact of your employee agreeing to care for another child in a higher risk situation, which places liability on you, as well as the risk to your own children from your nanny being distracted by an extra child whose normal behavior is unknown. Some 8 year olds are great, and others are whirling dervishes. What would happen if this child took off running through the park and your nanny had to leave your own children alone so she could chase down this other child? (That has literally happened to me during a playdate, a kid took off running and actually tried to run into a busy road, it was super stressful and I never had that child back for a playdate again, and I only had to watch him for 2 hours!)

There's also the fact your kid doesn't really know this child. That tends to make me think this is more of a paid childcare thing than a true playdate. Even if they are "new friends" I wouldn't have the first playdate be two full days. Sometimes a first playdate shows that two kids are not actually compatible. If that happens, it's not fun for either of them if they are stuck with each other for two full days.

How does your nanny get the money to pay for theme park entrance? I don't understand why you think you would be paying for this child's entrance fee. Surely you just give your nanny only sufficient money for your own children's expenses. However if, for some reason, your nanny is able to use your money to pay the other child's entrance fee without your permission, then I agree that I would not be happy about that.

It's possible your nanny just felt sorry for the kid being cooped up at her parents' business every time there's a school break. Even so, it's not really ok to impose this on you without checking with you first.

@EllandRd
stay at home and look after your own children.

Pathetic. Can't believe people are still coming out with that line.

Oh wind your neck in fgs, they are in the same class, it's good that they are mixing with each other and learning to build relationships. It's no skin off your nose is it? If it concerns you that much, stay at home and look after your own children.

I don't really see a problem, providing that the parents pay for tickets/food out etc for their child. Logistically it could be easier for the nanny if the two 8 year olds go off together on rides etc. I certainly wouldn't expect the other family to contribute towards your Nanny cost. But I would ensure that it doesn't become routine. Are you sure that the mum isn't going to the adventure park with them? My friends Nanny often invites me and my daughter along on days out for the company as well as the kids socialising. I'd contact the parents to discuss.

I think it’s so odd that the other family hasn’t been in touch, even if just to ask after money and food. Doesn’t seem right to me.

But the concept of a “play date that as it happens provides some child care on the side” is sort of part of the give and take of school life.

Sounds like a lot of taking on the other side to me! Especially as it’s not someone that the OP (or indeed, her child) knows well.

I would definitely not pay anything towards the day out for this other kid. Or provide them with lunch. They are taking the mick frankly.

Another one going against the grain. You said this DC is a “new friend” of yours. Sounds like could be fun opportunity for them to spend time together, and frankly the two will entertain each other - I think the theme park might be easier not more difficult. Yes, if this is actually her getting paid to do childcare then it’s a bit dodgy. But the concept of a “play date that as it happens provides some child care on the side” is sort of part of the give and take of school life. And I think it’s great when nannies organise play dates - takes a massive load of admin off you and allows for much more spontaneity for your kids. I do think you can just ask the other family for ticket money here.

I would go a bit gently here… begin with polite fact finding, not “you are fired” IMHO.

If your nanny has agreed to this without checking with you first and therefore provided childcare for someone else's child I suggest you ask the nanny to make sure the other parents fund their child's day out as you should only be paying for your three children and that in future it must be run by you first.

There's a whole heap of difference between having another child over to play at the house for a couple of hours and providing 2 whole days of childcare for an extra child out and about when you already have 3 DCs to look after.

This absolutely smacks of the other parent railroading your nanny at the school gate into sorting out her half term childcare problem. It is absolute not acceptable and needs to be stopped now before the DCs break up.

Is it on someone else's dime? How do you know that?

Well - the two full days of childcare certainly is, even if the parents are paying for the other kid’s ticket! This is clearly not a case of “it’d be fun for the kids to have a friend round to tea” scenario, which I’m sure would be no issue for the OP as the nanny would have used her discretion to arrange something for the convenience of her own children. This is the nanny arranging something for the convenience of some other parents (and possibly herself if there’s a financial kicker). It’s totally out of order without consulting the OP, whose kids she’s actually being paid to look after.

If you have a way of contacting the other parents I would cancel. If you are in the UK Monday is a bank holiday anyway so they may not even be working. I am normally chilled about such things but this has crossed a line and I would strongly suspect she is being paid.

OP what have you decided to do?
@Fandabedodgy How odd. For starters the nanny has presented two long days with another child as a fait accompli and the additional child's parents haven't been in touch - so if anything were to go wrong, OP wouldn't be able to get in touch with them. It's not clear what expenses will be paid for eg the adventure trip or treats.

Play date for your children.
All organised.
No effort required for you.

I don't know what you are in a froth about.

Sounds excellent .

This is the definition of "First World Problems".

The Nanny should have confirmed with you, as the child is coming to your house but do you really begrudge your child from having a play date during half term?

It sounds like your Nanny mentioned this to you and instead of you raising an issue with it directly with her, you've come on here to moan.

If you don't like how your employee is working, speak with her. It's quite simple really.

I think you are being a bit unfair on your nanny to give her notice over this. There is a good chance she has arranged it because it will be nice for the kids and maker her day slightly easier as the 8 year olds will entertain eachother.
If you are not comfortable with it just explain why and ask her to rescind the offer (and be prepared for your 8 year old to be disappointed.)
She should have checked with you, yes, but it's not as though she has kept it hidden or tried to play it down. She probably didn't think of it as the other family getting free childcare and you're not actually losing out. In fact your eldest will have an enhanced time if their friend is there.

This really isn't a massive deal.

Find out if they are planning on accompanying and paying for their own child. If not then it has to be cancelled. Its quite simple.

Not sure why you didn't raise it with your nanny when she told you.