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Original poster

Nanny has offered free childcare

133 replies

Teacakeorcrumpet · 25/05/2023 08:32

I found out yesterday our nanny has organised for eldest DC's new friend to come to our house for 2 full days next week. We employ our nanny 45hrs a week to care for DC aged 8, 5 and 2. As far as I can tell the nanny has invited this friend directly speaking to the child's parent without consulting me and apparently they will be arriving at 8.30am on Monday morning for the full day and the same on Tuesday.

Parents of the child have not contacted me at all about this. I'm not comfortable at all. The child is in the same school class as my eldest but has never been to our house before and I've only spoken to the parents once or twice.

I feel like I'm being used as free childcare for 2 days and the parents haven't even had the decency to check with me that this is OK or offer to share costs.

The nanny is planning to take them on a day trip on Monday so I'll have the extra cost of petrol, lunch out and giving this child dinner when they get back. On Tuesday they're going to an adventure park for the day and again I feel like I'm expected to cover all costs without being asked. Feels like total CF behaviour.

Not even sure why I'm posting other than to vent and see if anyone else's nanny ever puts them in such an awkward position! This is the latest in a string of small annoyances and I'm thinking its time for the nanny to move elsewhere. Youngest DC will be at nursery in Sept anyway so we will only need after school care then. Would I be unreasonable to give her notice that we don't need her for Sept onwards?

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Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2023 21:54

But op hasn't actually asked the many if she's being paid

WimpoleHat · 28/05/2023 21:01

Maybe she is just trying to help the family and be a nice nanny with having her eldest charge a school friend over and not being paid

But by the sound of it, this child isn’t a particular friend of the OP’s child - just some child from the class - and that’s what has made her question the whole arrangement.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/05/2023 19:48

Have you asked nanny directly if she being paid extra by the family

Maybe she is just trying to help the family and be a nice nanny with having her eldest charge a school friend over and not being paid

Yes she should have mentioned to you that she had offered

Equally my mb trusted me to make plans on my days and yes we have taken a school friend for a trip to beach so all day

And mb was fine about it

She said would be her day of hell taking 4 kids 😂 but she knew me as a professional nanny would be fine

Why would you have to pay for the entrance to places for the extra kids. The parents would

Petrol would be the same regardless

And tea - would some pasta or sausages mash veg etx really cost that much

crosstalk · 27/05/2023 16:15

@Maebh9 Totally different kettle of fish. Of course parents help each other out WHEN THEY KNOW THEM, which in this case the OP doesn't. As a full time working mum I used to take in kids overnight and look after them during the weekend to help out other parents working weekend jobs. BUT when I employed a nanny s/he agreed to be on my dollar to look after my DC and needed to check with me about weekly arrangements. And certainly not to take on another kid for a full day without checking with me that it worked for my DC and knew who the parents were and their contact details.

crosstalk · 27/05/2023 16:04

Does OP's nanny have the parents' number? If not, why not, since she will if this goes ahead be looking after the child. And, if there were D&V or anything else in the house, she would need to be able to cancel. I cannot imagine many parents letting their child go off with a nanny they've met at the school gate without wanting to exchange contact details and checking with the nanny's employer. The child's number is not good enough but presumably could be used to ask to contact the parents.

Grrrpredictivetex · 27/05/2023 15:11

@Teacakeorcrumpet possibly she's looking for a new job. Maybe they're trying to headhunt her? Just a thought.

BodegaSushi · 27/05/2023 13:34

SkaterBrained · 26/05/2023 10:57

I think you should be careful how you handle this with your nanny, or there's a chance your kids could miss out in the future. At 8 there will be a lot of spontaneous playdates and meet ups arranged at the school gate. If your nanny can't ever discuss these without checking with you, then people will stop asking.

You either allow her to make offers as any normal parent would in conversation or you control everything - you won't be able to get the nice things you might have retrospectively agreed to without some things you wouldn't have agreed to, it will be all her judgement or nothing.

This is a big first ask, however, it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask how it came about and why she invited the other girl.

A play date is a couple of hours.

BodegaSushi · 27/05/2023 13:33

She sounds insane. I don't know a single nanny (myself included) who would offer to have extra children, for a full day, especially during a school holiday.

It's usually the opposite, nannies complaining that their boss just arranged for them to have a child for a whole day with no extra money offered.

Has she got a bit of a martyr complex?

SheilaFentiman · 27/05/2023 13:27

And she also said this:

”The nanny apparently spoke to the dad at the school gates who said he needed someone to take the child next week as he and his wife were working all week (they run a local business between them) and noone in their family could watch the child”

SheilaFentiman · 27/05/2023 13:23

@Tellmeimcrazy the OP said this yesterday

“She doesn't have it only the childs number (irrelevant but an 8 year old with their own mobile was a shock to me). So tomorrow I'll try calling the parents via the childs number and see what happens.”

Saucemonkey · 27/05/2023 13:05

No. Tell her flatly this is not happening. If anything happens to those kids in your home , your insurance will be liable. No.

Tellmeimcrazy · 27/05/2023 13:03

I would still like to know if the playmate was cancelled and what the nanny actually said. This post is a massive drip feed

Tourmalines · 27/05/2023 11:53

Throwncrumbs · 26/05/2023 20:49

The child hasn’t got a mobile surely… say she was to take the child out and there was a problem and she needed to call the parents…I suspect your nanny is full of 💩and not telling you the truth there. Your nanny is paid to look after your children not some random kid from your child’s class whose CF parent arranged at the school gate. Can’t believe they think this is ok tbh!

This

Hairpinleg · 27/05/2023 11:31

It's up to the nanny to cancel the arrangement, not the OP. The nanny came to a private agreement to take on another child for 2 days and it's her responsibility to go back and clear up the mess she's made. If she's a professional nanny, it's highly unlikely that she has let herself be 'taken advantage of' for free. Any nanny would know how to bat away CF suggestions of two days of free childcare.

friendlycat · 27/05/2023 11:18

She has overstepped here. I would not be happy with the arrangement either.
Realistically though I think your only option is contacting the parents but I realise you don’t have their number.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say no to the nanny explaining why you aren’t happy which you have done. It’s difficult to know at this stage what the actual truth of the situation is. But if the Dad actually approached your nanny and asked for her help that is bang out of order without talking to you. You say they run a business locally. Would you be able to get contact details from their web?

NuffSaidSam · 27/05/2023 10:23

I'm looking for advice as to whether the nanny has crossed a line in her professional responsibilities and how, as her employer, I should be handling this fairly but also making sure my DC are the priority.

Ok.

If she's getting paid, then yes she has crossed a line.

If she isn't, then no. It sounds like she's just a bit of a soft touch and has been strongarmed into it by the other parent.

How should you handle this fairly? Ask her what they were going to pay her for doing this. See what she says.

If she was getting paid, give her a formal warning. If you're a good employer you could also ask her why she needs the money, if she's working six days a week it sounds like she's in some financial trouble.

If she wasn't, explain why you're unhappy about it and that it must never happen again, but don't make it a formal warning.

In terms of making the children a priority, I see nothing in what she's done that would negatively impact your children so there is no need to sack her on their account. It's you that's annoyed, not them. From what I gather your eldest was looking forward to spending the two days with this child? They'd have entertained each other giving the nanny time to concentrate on the youngest two. I'm sure your eldest would welcome a child their own age along on a day out, it's not massive fun for an 8 year old to hang out with a 5 and 2 year old all week.

Original poster
Teacakeorcrumpet · 27/05/2023 09:47

To the posters asking why I'm not speaking to the nanny and "moaning" on here instead..... I have spoken to the nanny. I'm not happy with the nannies responses or how she has handled the situation.

I don't know anyone else who employs a nanny that I want to discuss this awkward situation with irl, for obvious resons it would be embarrassing for the other family and the nanny for this to become village gossip, so I'm gathering opinions here from others that have or are nannies themselves. This is the childcare board not AIBU. I'm looking for advice as to whether the nanny has crossed a line in her professional responsibilities and how, as her employer, I should be handling this fairly but also making sure my DC are the priority.

So, for the PP who have offered their helpful opinions and experiences, thank you. I am ignoring the posters getting sidetracked who have no experience of being or employing a nanny.

OP posts:
EggInANest · 26/05/2023 21:22

I mean to say that in a school setting, for an example, a teacher would only have a child’s number with the approval of the parent, and only for any specific reason within policy.

It really is not good safeguarding practice for her to have taken the child’s number. IMO.

This is not a play date.
It is the Nanny having agreed 2 days of childcare for someone you don’t know well, for a child who is not a good friend of your Dd.
While she is working for you.

Neither the Nanny nor you have contacts for the parent.

The Nanny has not put you in this situation, she has put herself in it.

Whatever was she thinking?

EggInANest · 26/05/2023 21:13

She doesn't have it only the childs number (irrelevant but an 8 year old with their own mobile was a shock to me).

Your Nanny has the phone number of a child? Is this OK?

WimpoleHat · 26/05/2023 21:03

She knew right away that she didn't want the 'playdates' to go ahead, so tell the nanny that.

Most threads involve people with a strong opinion on an issue wanting to check whether others would/wouldn’t be in agreement. She was wondering if others had had similar experiences with their nannies - and what other nannies/parents thought. No different from most other threads, really.

aloris · 26/05/2023 20:57

In my experience, kids, even teenagers, get tired of playdates after about 3 hours. An all-day playdate usually doesn't work - they start arguing, they want alone-time, etc.

NuffSaidSam · 26/05/2023 20:51

WimpoleHat · 26/05/2023 20:39

You don't snivel off to Mumsnet to start a thread talking about sacking her and then further speculate about whether she's being paid etc. Just speak to the woman!!

This is the point of Mumsnet, surely? To get a range of anonymous responses from an eclectic group of people? If everyone just spoke to people about their issues, there would be very few threads at all on here. “Just speak to your mother in law/friends trying to cadge a free holiday/friend’s leery DH/annoying next door neighbour…….”

But she doesn't need a range of responses from an eclectic group of people in this instance. She knew right away that she didn't want the 'playdates' to go ahead, so tell the nanny that. End of situation.

Throwncrumbs · 26/05/2023 20:49

The child hasn’t got a mobile surely… say she was to take the child out and there was a problem and she needed to call the parents…I suspect your nanny is full of 💩and not telling you the truth there. Your nanny is paid to look after your children not some random kid from your child’s class whose CF parent arranged at the school gate. Can’t believe they think this is ok tbh!

WimpoleHat · 26/05/2023 20:39

You don't snivel off to Mumsnet to start a thread talking about sacking her and then further speculate about whether she's being paid etc. Just speak to the woman!!

This is the point of Mumsnet, surely? To get a range of anonymous responses from an eclectic group of people? If everyone just spoke to people about their issues, there would be very few threads at all on here. “Just speak to your mother in law/friends trying to cadge a free holiday/friend’s leery DH/annoying next door neighbour…….”

WimpoleHat · 26/05/2023 20:37

Was her mum "giving free childcare" to my mum by allowing this??

If you put it like that, yes. But then that was her choice to have you there and your mum’s choice to let you go, so no problem any way round. Here, the OP is paying the nanny for a job - and the nanny has unilaterally taken on another job at the same time without consulting her (applies whether or not the OP is getting a bung for this). It is a completely different scenario. The person who should have been consulted in all of this - OP - has been presented with a fair accompli. Not on any which way.