Childcare when partner does shift work

Speak to the breakfast club - mom one here knows what their policy for random/short notice/ad hoc bookings.

The wrap around club I used to be Chairperson of allowed these type of bookings if there was capacity beyond the regular bookings.

If they have space they might let you book in last minute too if you had to go in the office for a meeting in a day you wouldn’t normally. I found them flexible if there was space.

We had to pay for full-time childcare when reality of the shift pattern was we only made use of 2 or 3 days a week. If do was on on backshifts the breakfast club space didn't get used at all.

We managed to drop one of day paid care by getting ad-hoc favours from friends and family, but it was honestly really stressful trying to juggle and work it all out every 3 weeks when the rota came out. Dp has no set pattern so it could be any mix of days, mids, backshift and nights in a given week.

He's managed to negotiate one set day off (Tues) so we never pay for childcare that one day, this helps a lot of it could be an option for you.

He managed to drive home from work ok

So grab a tea /coffee some toast. Drive to school - assume too far to walk ?

Then home to bed 9jsh

It's what night workers do and no need to pay for breakfast club

But you asked what other people do.
Overwhelmingly, people take their dc to school then come home and go to bed.

I don't think I know anyone who comes straight in off a night shift and falls asleep - most people (dc or not) need an hour or so to get something to eat / let it settle / unwind a bit before going to sleep - in the same way people do who work evenings.

If you are both working FT, then breakfast club is a legitimate expense for most parents. Indeed, most would have after school care too. If you really can't afford it, then your dh will have to just manage taking his dc to school 'when he is tired' as thousands of parents across the country do.

it’s not the same as a day worker. Usually the first night I will have been up for 24 hours. Then between shifts 4-5 hours is simply not enough before going back in

Oh I know I've worked shifts for over 20 years

Night shift tired is a different level of tired & you've got a system that works but if you didn't would you really leave your husband to tie himself in knots the way the OP is. You'd be more likely to do what most night shift workers do & push through & do what's needed

I don't know how some of my colleagues cope with the sleep they get (or don't get)

It wouldn’t work for me 🤷‍♀️. As an exception I could do it, but after a night I’m hanging and need to get to bed.

it’s not the same as a day worker. Usually the first night I will have been up for 24 hours. Then between shifts 4-5 hours is simply not enough before going back in.

how we work it is dh has the choice of drop off or pick up. Usually he prefers to drop off and be a little late, then he can stay if he needs. I get to bed at 7.30 and sleep until 3 for pick up at 3.30.

if he needs to be in I will drop off, but then he picks up so I can sleep longer.

it’s only 3 days out of every 10 I can’t do the drop off anyway.

I don't see why he can't help do the mornings after a night shift?
Most people who get home by 5/6pm manage to do 3 hours worth of childcare then chores on top? He's not even going to be doing this 5 days a week, some days could fall on a weekend and others on a day you don't have an early meeting?
Could he looks to request set shifts or a more family friendly work pattern?

Excatly

Us mums manage it so this dad should I be able to

Yes I would love to go to bed 730 and very rare I do , but if dh isn't going in till later then he will take dd to school

But as it is, he usually gets her up /breakie and I do teeth hair and walk her to school and then bed 9am

My DH works shifts pattern e.g 4 on 4 off, I work weekdays and so all childcare is around my job.

Our before/after school club doesn't allow us to mix days and so we have to work around me...which can be annoying when DH is at home and we are paying for childcare we don't need, however it is something we have had to suck up, and we still us it of DH is off, the kids like going and might as well if paid for!

We use the tax free childcare so our bill is reduced by 20%, and we are lucky that the childcare is based at school and run by school staff....but it still stings that some weeks we are paying for days we don't necessarily need.

no he comes in at 7am and is pretty tired then. Having to get the kids dressed and out of the house on time would be too much for him. It is for me as it is

He needs to man up & participate in fanily life & stop being selfish. Pretty much all my colleagues with children stay up to do or help with the school run. He might be tired, but he'll live. I cant believe he's expecting you to deal with the morning chaos so he can go to bed.

As pp said people who work conventional hours don't go to bed the second they come in the door

Nurse here. I do three long days, but have two days/week I can't be rota'd onto (nor the night shift before it). DH has compressed hours so he can have a day off in the week. That way we only need two days of childcare (one in pre-school room for a full day and DTs in the baby room). Any more than that and it really wouldn't be financially doable (nursery fees already are more than DH's wages).

Yep totally. It's not like people who work days only do their work and come straight home to bed get up and go straight to work so why should a man not be capable

I'm a nurse and everyone I know who works nights do what pp have said, get kids ready, do the school run and then go to bed. Most I know tend to sleep between about 9.30 and 2.30 and then collect the children. That should be manageable 2-3 times a week?

That's what a lot of night shifts do. Use it like their evening then sleep 9.30 to 4

I work nights and I'm in around 730am

I get dd ready if in bed or dh does if awake early

I take her to school then go to bed 9am and set alarm for 230 incase I'm not awake

Yes it's tiring but means no childcare costs

I used a childminder just had to book 4 weeks in advance.
In school holidays used a 730am-6pm holiday club set up specifically for working parents but again had to book in advance and pay if things changed.

Have you looked at tax free childcare payments that will save you 20%

I book the days we need in half term blocks. It seems to only be Tuesdays that gets close to capacity at our school

What time is dh in after a night shift

Can he take to school then go to bed ?