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Original poster

Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

391 replies

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 14:58

Long time lurker, first time poster. Question is in the heading, but to give a bit of background…
I babysit a grandchild for my DD and a grandchild for my DS. I look after each child 2 days a week. On one day I have both, the other times I have them separate. DS and DDIL did not want grandchild to have treats until he was 18 months. Grandchild is now nearly two. I give both grandchildren the odd treat (crisps, biscuit, chocolate), but DS and DDIL don’t want me to and say they want to give all the treats. I find this difficult when I have both grandchildren together as DD has always allowed treats.
I want to address this but suspect if there is a falling out they will cut all contact and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so I’m scared of that happening. Any advice on how I can approach this or what you would do? Please be kind to an old grandma full of worry.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Haffdonga · 13/04/2023 15:18

Just don't give treats. Sorted.

dementedpixie · 13/04/2023 15:18

Maybe give fruit treats or other healthier snacks on the day both children are there

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 15:17

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:07

Nope. Their child, their choice.

If you can’t respect their decisions for their child then you aren’t suitable to be looking after them.

Respect their decision that only they can give snacks? We arent talking about child not being allowed them full stop, just the unpaid nanny isnt allowed to benefit from giving him a treat. Ridiculous.

purplecorkheart · 13/04/2023 15:17

Ultimately it is there choice and while I see no harm in what you are doing it is at the end of the day their child. I think I would do what they want and maybe find another way to treat your grandchild.

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:16

Just saw your update - they are entitled CFers. I'd nip this in the bud and suggest they find other childcare if the one they are getting for free from a family member doesn't suit their rules.

Firecarrier · 13/04/2023 15:16

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:07

Nope. Their child, their choice.

If you can’t respect their decisions for their child then you aren’t suitable to be looking after them.

Vile

Keroppi · 13/04/2023 15:15

Bit dramatic, why would they cut you out for the sake of a packet of pom bears? If you're providing childcare and not being paid then they either can pack a lunch for their child with approved foods or just not ask you what you've fed them. Hardly fair to have one having treats and one not on the day you have them both together!

To avoid arguments and respect their wishes you can just do no treats on the together days. They will be older soon and I doubt they will be so firm about treats once they are in school or nursery etc

Quinque · 13/04/2023 15:15

I think you have to respect your son's wishes, it's not worth falling out over a few treats.
Could you keep the sweet treats for the day you just have your daughter's child? On the day you have both children you could maybe give them soft fruit like grapes or strawberries as a treat. Or allow a special tv programme or a game or plaything if you want a reward, something like playdoh perhaps.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 13/04/2023 15:15

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:07

Nope. Their child, their choice.

If you can’t respect their decisions for their child then you aren’t suitable to be looking after them.

I agree with this.

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:14

They are happy to give their child treats - but you must not give the same child treats? That is bonkers.

I guess you just have to go along with their madness, but it sounds like there's a bit more to it - why on earth would they stop you seeing your grandchild if you have them the same treats that they get at home?

Original poster
GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 15:13

@Goodoccasionallypoor not especially. We aren’t particularly close and I feel as though I was asked to be child care as a last resort. I get lots of telephone calls to tell me the ‘rules’ they want me to follow and of course I oblige. It has been insinuated how lucky I am to be trusted with my grandchild and when I was poorly one week they asked me to do an extra day the next week so I didn’t miss out. DS did say if I give treats they will have to make other arrangements.

OP posts:
JulieHoney · 13/04/2023 15:13

They have a bad case of PFB.

As long as you are reining it in and are giving a biscuit or two per visit rather than a packet of crisps and a stack of biscuits, they need to chill out.

Saying that, MIL used to give mine a mini roll, a fruit shoot, a packet of crisps and a mini bag of Haribo when they were preschoolers and they were inevitably car sick on the way home, so I do have some sympathy

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:07

Nope. Their child, their choice.

If you can’t respect their decisions for their child then you aren’t suitable to be looking after them.

heldinadream · 13/04/2023 15:04

Honestly I think if I were you I'd go along with it got a bit longer because pretty soon I imagine they are going to lose control of that particular issue and will all just be too pleased that their children are eating and being fed.
How old us the one who is allowed treats?
I can totally see it's tricky if one is allowed and one not, but in about five minutes the kids themselves will be articulating what they want and all the goal posts will move.
Wise granny bides her time.

shivawn · 13/04/2023 15:03

My mum gives my son more treats than I'd ideally like but she's doing me a huge favour by looking after him so I don't make an issue of it. At the end of the day it's not a big deal.

I think it's awful that you're scared to raise this tiny issue for fear of being cut out of their lives. They must be extremely controlling?

Goodoccasionallypoor · 13/04/2023 15:03

Do you really think they would cut all contact with you if you give your grandson a biscuit. That's extreme - is there a wider backstory to this?

Can you swap to healthier treats for the day he's there? Is there anything like that that they're ok with?