Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

The difference is that this poster doesn't allow screens at home either, so it's the same rule at both places. Gc is allowed the same snacks at home that op isn't allowed to give, so it's different rule for different places. No comparison at all between the two.

Is it not ok to have strong feelings about a topic, does having an "axe to grind" mean im wrong? Re the DIL/MIL I was discussing the overall thread, but still, I think there is a huge difference in treatment and I think this is what OP is being subjected to. I may be being facetious about whole packs of biscuits but it just all seems more about control than actually being a significant problem. Kids are kids, grandparents are grandparents, no one has been hurt, fond memories are being made, just let go of the inner control freak and enjoy the moment in time.

Sounds like you are asking 2 different questions here OP. 1. Is it reasonable of them to insist this, and 2, How do you manage this situation?
1. Is it reasonable for them to ban me from giving the child "treats"?
Possibly not - though we don't know the whole situation. But that's not really the issue anyway, because it sounded like your more important question was:
2. I think they'll stop me seeing the grandchild if I don't comply, and I don't want that, so how do I manage this?
Ask them what treats you are allowed to give the kid. Ask this as a genuine question, and have some suggestions. What about fresh pineapple or mango? Grapes? Banana smoothies? There must be some things which the DGC will all enjoy, and which are acceptable to all parents. That way you can give your granny treats without getting into conflict.

Be clear what "winning" looks like here: it is, presumably, having a good relationship with your DGC and hopefully with their parents too. It is not getting to feed the kids as if they were your own.

I can't see the harm in the occasional treat but if there are two GCs then in all fairness they should be treated the same within reason.
We have one GS who is dairy intolerant so his food and snacks are geared to his diet while the others are allowed normal things but are aware that he cannot eat their food.
But we are consistent with all the GCs that they try lots of different things for variety - some successes and others not so. But fair play to them they have eaten things for me that they won't eat for their parents - depends on how you serve it to them. Some won't eat veg but with us they mix it in to their mash and dowse it in gravy - drives Mum and Dad mad!! lol!! Others won't eat chilli but blitzed they can't see whether it's spag bol or chilli and it still gets eaten. But they all know that a generally clear plate gets the goody afterwards - not hungry enough to eat tea not hungry enough for the treats!! But we do not buy sweets or chocolate unless it is Easter/Christmas and then Mum and Dad can police how much they have although usually Mum and Dad will eat the goodies saying there's too much for the kids!!
But to be fair none of our five ACs ask us not to give treats - but they know our house, means our rules and all the GCs are looked after on that basis.

@SirChenjins

I don't think we have enough information to to be sure about that. Op said she gives treats (biscuits, crisps or chocolate) up to twice a day. She also said that her grandson was not allowed any of these things until 18 months and now he is allowed them, but I would guess that he doesn't get a chocolate bar and a pack of crisps every day at home.

When my son was 2, these things would have been occasional treats, not everyday snacks.

Don't get my wrong, I think op's son is being unreasonable to make demands and threats but I don't think they are necessarily being hypocritical about the food issue.

It’s a very wise post! I would follow this advice partly and in the meantime I’d raise the issue that another child is allowed and is there any chance of compromise?

In general I think you should follow his parents lead, I don’t know their arguments but from my experience some grandmas are minimizing the amount of treats and biscuits they are given out, just saying.

Please don’t give small children crisps unless they are salt free

You realise that these are very high in sugar? 3 teaspoons of sugar in one Frube for example - so not a good eating habit to get into at all.

They’re getting free child care. They’re not going to cut contact and stump an extra £600 a month in nursery fees because you give the kid a biscuit

Maybe you could provide snacks for your DC? Why should your free childcare have to fork out for snacks for your child?

I wouldn’t call that a treat 🙈

Can you get something more healthy treat wise like the organics gruffalo chocolate biscuits? They don't have any sugar etc but could be his "treat" time or raisins/fruit. I admit I hate grandparents giving my child treats but that's because they ignore his request for water or fruit and give him squash or chocolate instead as if fruit and water was harmful or depriving him in some way. He then leaves the squash or nibbled cake or what ever and just gets dehydrated

You're providing them with free childcare yet they are treating you like staff.

Over a piece of cake or a couple of biscuits?

Give over.

OP, they sound a little bonkers, especially with the threats. A grandparent/grandchild relationship should be relaxed, not stressful because of demands and threats made by the parents.

Unless, of course, you're feeding them family sized bags of cheesy wotsits and a slab of vimto.

Exactly this. You're actually helping the kids develop better eating habits in the long-term too.

@Screwballs

The poster we are both talking about said it was HER mother and she wasn't providing childcare.

So yeah, it does seem a bit like you have an axe to grind on this subject.

Because the rules/requests here varies - the child gets treats at home (presumably up to 5 days a week) but randomly isn't allowed them for 2 days a week at granny's house. The request @Mariposista made for no screens backs up what is done at home - so if the rules at home were no treats whatsoever and the request was made to the OP not to give them at her house then I think the majority would agree she's being unreasonable by ignoring the parents' request continuing to give them.

So the snacks that Grandma supply’s fails in comparison then?

Either grandma’s snacks are unhealthy and dire, in which case Op’s DC would remove them… or they’re not that bad, in which case OP’s dc are happy for OP to continue providing free child care. It seems DC are still at OP’s. What does that tell you?

In the longer term, developing a more secure and trusting relationship with the DIL will be beneficial all round.
Lay off the treats. Rethink what treats are. It's a pointless exercise to say they're allowed them at home. My biggest treat at my Granny's was being given breakfast in bed! Same breakfast, just on a tray 😁
Cut up fruit, home made pizza, bento boxes, carpet picnics, growing your own radishes - there's a ton of ways of making food fun and thoughtful without it being around sugar or crisps. Baking savoury muffins if cakes are forbidden!
Seriously, it's not worth falling out over biscuits. It won't always be like this. Enjoy spending time with your GC.

Rather than telling you that you are "lucky" to be allowed time with the child, they should be more grateful that you are interested in spending time with them and be more appreciative of the free childcare. The son and DIL sound precious and ungrateful.

Part of the joy of the grandparent/grandchild relationship is that you get to spoil a little more than the parent/child relationship. The odd biscuit or chocolate isn't going to do any harm. They are being silly.

This is 100% correct.

Do ostensibly healthy but still sweet treats? Mini boxes of raisins, dried mango, frubes, that sort of thing?

@SirChenjins

I don't think I attempted to make an analogy. I was just surprised that the poster said that she wouldn't dream of going into her MIL's house with a rule book and then casually stated that she's requested no screens. What exactly is the difference between a rule and a request?

They need you too much to stop your GC contact.

Just tell them, their request is unreasonable, you will of course limit treats sensibly but on the days you have both, there will be just ONE menu, standard of care, teeth cleaning regime, etc all decided by you as the responsible adult. in charge. If you go out for icecream and a 99, your choice

Because she has said she won’t give the child treats and presumably so far they trust her.