Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

I hope you said no to the extra day no matter how much you love it they are walking all over you. My reply would have been I'm sorry I'm still recovering and as you know I already do free childcare for X days between you and your sister.

Exactly - you think they’re stupid, but the parents clearly don’t. So what else do you think is stupid? ERF? Safe sleep? Weaning guidelines?

So you cannot be trusted and are not suitably able to look after a child.

And yes, toddlers can “snitch”. My 2 year old tells me all about her day when she’s been with someone else.

Send the treats you prefer your child to have and it won’t be a problem. Why should your free childcare stump up for your idea of “nutritious treats” for YOUR child? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suppose the problem is that you are not very close so maybe you are not aware about all things e.g I didn’t give my DD certain things because she couldn’t cope with chewing them ( it’s a part of her disability) and could choke but when I’ve told my mum about this she just said : It’s ok I will be there and will watch her. She didn’t know how serious it might be.
I didn’t want this experience for DD at all so it’s easier for me just to say “no” without explanation (and before anyone asks my Mum never ever did babysitting for me, we live in different countries for a start) And then accept the same approach with other things.

My point is that sometimes not listening just once affects mutual trust. It might be not about treats but maybe in other areas ( even before your DGC was born ) you haven’t realized that they want things to be certain way or criticized their views too much and it’s affected your relationship.

By doing this you are indicating you cannot be trusted to look after their child

If I found out anyone had knowingly gone against my wishes with my child they would not see that child unsupervised ever again

The trust would be gone. It doesn’t matter how small the issue is, you have demonstrated you are not capable of appropriate childcare

If the wishes are stupid - I.e not letting granny give a biscuit even though the parents do, they should be ignored. Kids can't snitch. So for me that is the answer, it's not a complex moral dilemma.

No, my family and my in-laws are brilliant, precisely because they respect my parenting decisions.

By doing this you are indicating you cannot be trusted to look after their child.

If I found out anyone had knowingly gone against my wishes with my child they would not see that child unsupervised ever again.

The trust would be gone. It doesn’t matter how small the issue is, you have demonstrated you are not capable of appropriate childcare.

Sounds like you have a problem with your family/granny/mil

A lot of the pleasure for GPs is indulging little ones with the odd treat. Your kids are being ridiculously awkward and OTT, and that's regardless of the enormous childcare favour. I'd never have dreamt of dictating to my mum how to care for young children, she'd have told me to do one.

In your shoes I would continue to give the treats and just not tell them. At nearly 2 the kids can't dob you in, and by the time they can talk maybe the parents will have calmed down!

@ShonaShoop that was a giant leap of assumption. For your information I do provide snack for my child and their grandparents don't provide any childcare. I am talking about when we visit actually. One nan offers to take him out for days but this is voluntary when I am off. The only childcare I have is the nursery I pay for so maybe get all the facts before jumping on someone

But they do want their child to have them - they happily give them to him/her on the remaining days at home! They just don’t want granny to give them on the 2 days she has them.

I took it to mean she wouldn’t impose a different rule in one place when she allows the same thing at home - not allowing screens at home or granny’s house is consistent and presumably doesn’t cause a problem for granny because she’s well aware of the situation. I take your point though.

So they're allowed to give treats, but you cannot?! If so, that's bizzare and controlling. I'd ignore them and give a biscuit/crisps. What's the alternative? One child watched the other eat a treat then cries! If they ask, just say it was a small plain biscuit and a few crisps. If they cut all contact over that then they're bat shit crazy.

I'd still give treats....book, trip to charity shop pick a toy, messy play, sticking and craft, set out their lunch like a picnic....they could have so much fun with you having nanny day as the treat, and no forbidden foods.
Would get up their nose though and they will probably say don't go out, food only at the table etc.

Just don’t give the treats they don’t want their child to have! Why does it matter if everyone else thinks treats are fine, their view on them is so strong that they’re willing to consider paid childcare instead. So why would you refuse it? All you’re doing is causing an “I know better than you” argument. Find something else to be the “treat” on the day you have both children, or just drop “treat time” altogether.

Have treats been defined? Do they mean junk, processed food? Or anything sweet? How about cakes you make together? It's an activity I really enjoy with my GC and I think it is fine, it is sugar and butter but not junk, processed food.

@Lizzt2007

But it is still imposing a rule in someone else's house, which she said is something she wouldn't dream of doing.

She didn't say, she wouldn't dream of imposing a rule that she didn't also follow.

They sound very precious. Not necessarily about the treats but in your update.

My MIL has my pre schooler one day a week and it does annoy me that they insist on giving him chocolate magnums 'because he loves them'. Well yes of course he does, but he genuinely loves a frozen yoghurt ice lolly too and would be just as excited to have that. (I realise in a couple of years this probably won't be the case!)

Are they fine with toddler 'snacks' e.g the Ella's kitchen biscotti and the like? They are kind of like treats but not as bad as chocolate.

🙄

Of course it’s their child- but she’s wondering about giving the child a bloody biscuit now and then…

’Not suitable’….. pfft

Personally I think the are out of line, but it's not a hill I'de die on. Id probably make them fruit kebabs to dip in yogurt so it still feels like a treat to them.

Sorry, I meant. "It is difficult for me not to give treats when his cousin IS also with me..."

Whatever you do, I would be upfront. I would start with: "Practically, it is difficult for me to not give your DS treats when his cousin is not with me. Emotionally, I enjoy giving him a few nice things as that's a Granny's role. So:

• What treats do you give him ie. What treats are you happy for him to have?

• This is what I plan to give him when he's at my house for a full day - 2 or 3 of (Handful of crisps/ Cheerios/ 1 chocolate biscuit/ cupcake/ 1 scoop ice cream/ funsize pack smarties etc).

If you don't like it, you are welcome to look for other childcare."

Don't go behind their back but do state what you want to do when you are looking after him - and try to accommodate them WITHIN REASON ie. Some treats but not large amounts.

Agree with @Lastnamedidntstick The sense of entititlement and disrespect from posters towards their parents and in lnlaws is absolutely astounding and very sad !
Thank god for my lovely adult children.

I think they are being generally unreasonable, and very PFB. However, going against their wishes is not a great idea, tempting though it may be.

Can they not drop off a supply of the type of treats that they give their child so that you can use those? After all, surely it matters not who actually gives the child the treat on any particular day, as long as you are clear what has been given so that they don't double up.

Personally, I think they are bonkers, but saying that won't help you unfortunately.

I also agree, they'll find something else to hyper focus on soon enough.