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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Live in Nanny

35 replies

Winniethepig · 23/03/2023 04:34

So we have a live in nanny / au pair, and while she is nice enough she is starting to get on my nerves a bit. We just don't have the right personality set up and she keeps doing weird things like gravitating towards mg husband to ask him things and keeps calling him "love".

I don't want her living with us anymore but live out isn't an option for her and she doesn't know anyone, have any friends here or any life skills (she's mid 20's) but a bit hopeless with most things.

What would be a reasonable departure package? She's out here on a working Visa and has 10 months left.

Any advice welcome x

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elodiesmith · 25/03/2023 03:44

I've let mine go after 3 weeks.

It was like having another child. She would just sit on TikTok unless I asked: can you please attend to my screaming child as I'm making dinner for us all?
And many other things.

She wasn't on a visa and I didn't pay for her flight home but I did pay her 2 weeks extra which I think was generous.

At the end of the day the level of service was unacceptable. Wasted everyone's time and energy. And money 😪

I was fair and explained my reasons thoroughly and spoke kindly etc.

Original poster
Winniethepig · 25/03/2023 03:08

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/03/2023 21:09

A Month notice and flight home is fair

Maybe live in isnt for you

Why did you chose a live in nanny rather then live out ? Cost?

Chose live in because we know her and she doesn't have anyone out here, also cost was a benefit but primarily necessity for her. I don't think we would have need for a nanny post her leaving anyway, as we could have our children in nursery.

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Original poster
Winniethepig · 25/03/2023 02:19

Katrinawaves · 24/03/2023 21:18

If you got her from an au pair agency they should be able to place her elsewhere and potentially also find you a replacement. Sometimes these placements don’t work out for any number of reasons so I wouldn’t give up just because the first one wasn’t right

No agency involved and we flew her out / got her visa. She's not taking feedback well and cries whenever we suggest things like that we have a more regimented cleaning roster etc.

Found her outside pacing, talking to herself and crying over the above yesterday.

Plus, she's always always here, I know its her house too but she's supposed to be on a working holiday, shouldn't she be out and about more? Instead she sits around the house when not working and my husband and I feel like we have absolutely no space / privacy.

I know some of this was likely to be an issue and we thought that before agreed, but we didn't think it would be this bad.

Thinking of talking to her more about it on Monday and suggested we shorten the length of her stay and just say we genuinely can't do live in anymore because it doesn't suit us as a married couple.

I'm a bit worried she's going to take it very very badly, she relies on her mum for almost everything and I have become her de facto mother having to cook all her dinners and manage her emotions. Its all getting a bit much.

OP posts:
Katrinawaves · 24/03/2023 21:18

If you got her from an au pair agency they should be able to place her elsewhere and potentially also find you a replacement. Sometimes these placements don’t work out for any number of reasons so I wouldn’t give up just because the first one wasn’t right

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/03/2023 21:09

A Month notice and flight home is fair

Maybe live in isnt for you

Why did you chose a live in nanny rather then live out ? Cost?

underneaththeash · 24/03/2023 10:11

I'd just say it isn't working out and give a month's notice. I can't imagine she'll have an issue finding something else...

snitzelvoncrumb · 23/03/2023 05:02

I would pay for her flight home.

Phoebo · 23/03/2023 04:49

I see, well that makes it more ethically difficult. Is it worth talking to her first about the issues. Maybe it's a cultural difference, perhaps give her another chance and then if it doesn't work out, help her find another job?

Original poster
Winniethepig · 23/03/2023 04:43

Phoebo · 23/03/2023 04:37

Awkward! Is she here because of you? If not, I guess a month is OK? I'm not paranoid like most on MN but she may have her sights set on your husband! Maybe set some boundaries

She is here because of us yes. Hence the question, we thought it would work out but I'm finding it not working at all.

I thought potentially paying her three months wage plus her flight home?

OP posts:
Phoebo · 23/03/2023 04:37

Awkward! Is she here because of you? If not, I guess a month is OK? I'm not paranoid like most on MN but she may have her sights set on your husband! Maybe set some boundaries

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